Take That, Lauren Pope!

November 17, 2011 / Posted by:

Kate Middleton was shoved to the side and a new fashion icon of Britain was declared last night when TOWIE’s Lauren Pope floated onto the red carpet at the Breaking Dawn premiere like a pristine panty-less goddess riding the satin crimson wave to sophistication. Lauren Pope became my new religion and I was ready to pray to her tonight while only wearing two pillow cases cinched together with a sweatpants drawstring, but then I came across a ginger flower that bloomed in the German section of the Garden of Stunt Queens. Everything has changed!

Meet actor type Peer Kusmagk and his girlfriend Isabella Recke (wreck is right). Don’t ask me, I don’t know who they are. Even if somebody tried to explain them to me using penis puppets (you know how my brain perks up at penis puppets), I still wouldn’t know who these two are. But it doesn’t matter. Everything I need to know about Peer and Isabella they eloquently communicated to me at some event in Berlin last night.

The two photographers there got up close and personal with Isabella’s freckled and moly nalgitas every time she or Peer parted her sheer black curtains. You might be thinking that Isabella would’ve saved herself some time if she just left that dress on her bedroom floor and came to the party wearing only those black chonies. But that would’ve been tacky and that’s something Isabella is not. A certain seductive mystique filled the air when Isabella exposed her ass cheeks the same way a patient lifts up his hospital gown right before getting a suppository from a nurse. This is performance art!! (It was also performance fart when Isabella flexed her ass cheeks a little too much.)

It was a long search, but finally the German Phoebe Price has been found!

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