The ESCANDALO Of The Year That Never Was
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!OOOO!!!OO!O!" is the only thing my keyboard can scream out over the devastating news that Mariah Yeater has tiptoed into the courthouse to quietly cancel her paternity suit against Justin Bieber and she's no longer asking him to spit out some DNA to prove that he is the father of her baby friend. There will be no Maury after-school special. Justin will not join the cast of next season's Teen Mom. The Lesbeaver's kingdom dam (kingdam?) will not come crumbling down from the sonic boom sound of a million crazed Beliebers coo bawling out of their diapers. There goes Bieber's butch bitch cred and there goes the scandal that was supposed to put a skid mark on the House of Beliebers! Even Mariah's baby looks disappointed about the fact that he'll never be a Eater-Beaver.
TMZ reports that Mariah took back the lawsuit last week right before her skeeze bag lawyers dropped her ass. The Lesbeaver was supposed to get DNAed today and planned to sue Mariah for telling lies. Mariah's case fell apart as soon as one of her ex-boyfriends claimed that she accused him of fathering her baby a second before she fame whored her way into the tabloids. Mariah continued to prove that she sucks at scheming when she went on The Insider and claimed she had proof she couldn't reveal at that time. Womp. Womp. So that's that.
Either two things happened: Mariah is insane and made it all up for a quick cashiers check from The Insider and Star. Or Mariah is still insane and Justin cracked open his piggy bank and emptied it out onto her open palms so she can go away. Whatever the case may be, one thing still remains. Us bitter queen losers who live for a scandal like this have been robbed.
Oh, well. The silver lining here is that at least I got to use this picture of Justin Bieber looking like a penis after a botched circumcision left it with raggedy ass foreskin.
• 
Hekki ikr?? She should form a band with Courtney Stodden and Ali Lohan called Cougar and The Hags
*holds madam s and offers flask*
Hekki,
I think she looks just like Toni Collette in that photo.
The most unbelievable thing about this story is that she's 20. If someone said she was 40 I'd have no trouble believing it.
And what about the line of Bieber Baby Bjorns! I was so hoping for?! This whole quiet resolution of the baby matter has ruined my day.
WHAAT??? The first lezzie-on-whore miracle bathroom--stall baby is a hoax? Is that what you're trying to say in this post? FUCK THAT SHIT!! Bitch pubic hair better be cut and styled in a Hamill wedge cut and her snatch hole better spit out a pacifier and whistle "Never Say Never" or that bitch Yeater is DEAD to me.
Submitted by LaChaylo on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:17am.
*sits in cubicle pondering bad career choices*
Hahahaha!! Haha.....ha... omg you're right. *trades college education for a video cam*
Gross baby. Hope some uncle touches the ginge out of him!
NOO! I was looking forward to Beliebers Go Bonkers Over Bieber Baby! craziness. I completely believe she was quietly paid off with more money than that chick ever thought she'd see in her lifetime. I mean, I know that there are crazy people, but her tactics made no sense on any level unless she did have sex with him... I think it happened and then she told her boyfriend at the time that he was the father because she didn't want him to find out about her trampy ways backstage at Idiot Boy's concert.
She looks so damn old, she must be related to the lohans of something.
Submitted by betterthanyomama on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:34am.
Submitted by Feral on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:17am.
I feel badly for that little boy; hope his life turns out well.
Don't worry-his Christmas album just came out not too long ago and I'm sure he's already working on the next...he'll be ok.
**********
+1, thanks for lightening my mood about this post.
I hope Yeater's baby grows up healthy, happy, feeling wanted and loved.
Submitted by BitchyD on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:28am.
Everytime I see ESCANDALO as a headline or in the story, my mind automatically goes to the Puerto Rican gossip puppet La Comay on SuperXclusivo on Wapa TV.
=============================================
OMG I love La Comay! The makeup, the dresses, the FEVAH. She's the best, and she's always on point.
-----------------------------------------------
"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Ha...the Bieb looks like Hillary Swanks kid sister.
oh and I think Mariah got paid.
<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!
I think she would have had a better chance suing Chris Martin. That baby looks just like Apple and Moses!
**********************************************
Never chew a pickle with a little slap and tickle,
You have to throw the stone to get the pool to ripple....
-Squeeze
It sure is a cute baby. Sure bad he has such a crazy momma.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:46am.
The last time I looked restrooms do not come equipped with step stools...
==========================================
LOL!
Honestly this news makes me so sad I really wanted a maury moment! Oh Well...I should have known only Disney kids have babies before 18.
I think it was a quiet payoff, otherwise his lawyers would be gloating all over the media right now.
Although I don't get why people are saying the baby looks like Bieber. No, no, no, that's backwards. Bieber looks like a baby. Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline, but that is one Gerber-looking little creeper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:45am.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:42am.
So disturbing. And if I am going to be with a man who looks like a female...I might as well switch teams for the real thing.
===========================================
Well if you do be sure to record it and send it over to me!
Like he really fucked that 40 year old looking Valley of the Dolls pedobitch...come sit in Daddy's lap, Justin....
This is the kid that sucks his thumb while snuggling next to Mommy at hockey games right? (that was a ba buttons' story btw and I totally believe it). I'm sure Mommy is there when he exits stage left to chaparone her meal ticket to his dressing room and burp him.
This is either a made up story to drum up more sales or simply a psycho fan trying to get her time in the spotlight plus getting her name linked him him...
I never believed this horseshit to begin with... I mean please, can you picture this little bitch in the bathroom tappin that chick from behind? The last time I looked restrooms do not come equipped with step stools... or coloring books, which is what she would've had to use to lure him in there.
_____________________________________________
"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Complete trash. Hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes, Mariah.
_______________________________________________
I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:42am.
So disturbing. And if I am going to be with a man who looks like a female...I might as well switch teams for the real thing.
**************************************************************
You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:27am.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:25am.
*VOMITS*
--------------------------------------
Come on Janey, you know you want him to spank you and sing Christmas songs in your ear.!!
@ betterthanyomama: I think they were referring to the baby boy, not Bieber. (Easy mix-up, I know.)
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:29am.
I read on another website that Mariah Yeater accidentally fucked her kid because she thought it was Justin. Very sad!!!!
lol!
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:22am.
I still suspect this was all engineered by camp Bieby.
======================================
I was saying that too figuring his people were trying to rough up his image a now that he's a bit older and they'll need to sell to older girls as they grow up but then they dress him up like a Hillary Swank complete with makeup, eye liner and lipstick, you can't see this guy as anything BUT feminine.
@ Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:33am.
Between her and that tazmanian devil in heels Sherri Shepard, I can't stand to watch. Whoopi tends to annoy the shit out of me too, but only slightly les so. I haven't watched in maybe 2 years. Rosie annoyed the crap out of me too. I miss the old days when Star Jones and Merideth Viera were still on. The conversations seemed to be a lot less stupid then.
Submitted by ba-buttons on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:35am.
Even worse, a snotty little weirdo who looks more femmy with every passing day.
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Translation: Lesbeaver's PR team realized that they had milked as much publicity from this utterly contrived stunt (which wasn't much) and put the knife in it.
It was all an act people. She was in on it too. They are trying to rebrand that little idiot as the next rappin' white boy or something. Yeah, Ottawa is just SOOOOOO ghetto...
Gladly, I don't think it worked. No number of paid for 'girlfriends' or fake paternity suits will change peoples minds at this point. He's a snotty little weirdo who will never, ever change.
--------------------------------------------------
"...Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf..."
Submitted by Feral on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:17am.I feel badly for that little boy; hope his life turns out well.
Don't worry-his Christmas album just came out not too long ago and I'm sure he's already working on the next...he'll be ok.
-------------------------------------------
Kiss Kiss, BetterThanYoMama
"I like your posts but sometimes they make me feel like I'm on drugs." - by speakit on September 26, 2008
OT
Elisabitch is mysteriously missing from The View today. Did they suspend her? I hope so. The View annoys me but I still want that asshole gone!
Since when were lesbians shooting baby batter?!
***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
IF this was a hoax to gain attention, then this woman is seriously disturbed and I hope Child Protective Services monitors the care of her baby.
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
I read on another website that Mariah Yeater accidentally fucked her kid because she thought it was Justin. Very sad!!!!
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Everytime I see ESCANDALO as a headline or in the story, my mind automatically goes to the Puerto Rican gossip puppet La Comay on SuperXclusivo on Wapa TV.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 10:25am.
*VOMITS*
**************************************************************
You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Wow! Hot earrings! So not faggoty at all!!
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
I mean COME ON please, look at this fucktard, OK ladies can you imagine this guy(?) laying on top of you just a pumpin away, with his full dirty face on?
That's a pretty big accusation to make against such a high profile celebrity ... she'd have to be pretty stupid to not realize he could sue her ass for slander/defamation of character.
IMO, he banged her and gave her hush money to make this go away. He's got his rep to protect. If she took it this far - why wouldnt she insist on a DNA test? Why drop the case? Why would she pull his name out of her hat if she didnt atleast sleep with him. Even if the baby isnt his -- why would she throw his name into the mix if they never even met?. Why target the little Beeb? why why why !
What if the test showed he is the daddy and now he just wants to settle out of court?
i'm going to keep on beliebering that he paid the bitch off, just to further the scandal in her mind. this has been a constant water cooler conversation in my office, and i just can't let it go! isn't it great what our lives have come to?
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Did all this stunt queenin' actually translate into album sales for Bieby? I still suspect this was all engineered by camp Bieby.
ROBBED!
Unless two bumping vaginas can create a baby then he's in the clear for the rest of his life.
Her two lawyers shot off their mouths to Joy Behar and his lawyer left them a message "consider yourselves sued, too". They still are liable but now to a much lesser degree.
Now, we all knew the story coming out of that Crazy Canuck Bitch's mouth was nothing but wishful-thinking and attention-whoring, but hell- I really wanted the paternity test, I wanted the Maury Show thing, I wanted a trial.
I wanted it ALL!!! And now we have to go back to the SelenaBieber thing that has bored me to tears.
Oh well, Justin was about to make his street creds and he blew it.
HE BLEW IT!!!
______________________________________________________________
All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11
"Us bitter queen losers who live for a scandal like this have been robbed."
MK.. much as I love you, yes you are very bitter. There are days when I'm like.. "DAMN. You need to be in bed cuddling with someone!" lol. Me? Maybe. I don't care. But secks is better some days than writing about Brad Pitt's stupid beard! Rofl.
Why is Justin holding that baby?
He should throw her a few bucks for the publicity that made him look like he might have experienced puberty.