As Joe Jonas, Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O’Connell, Amanda Seyfried, Olivia Wilde, Zoe Kravitz and Ivanka Trump hummed out the theme song to Star Trek at the CFDA/Vogue Awards in NYC last night, Calvin Klein and Rooney Mara proved that Klingons and Vulcans can put down their hate and pose together in peace. Or maybe Calvin’s more of a Quark. No Trekkie here, so I don’t know.
We can all make a million jokes about how Calvin Klein looks like a Crypt Keeper wax puppet that melted under a heat lamp and that his paid piece has a burnt hemorrhoid face that only a tube of Prep H could love, but we would be making those jokes out of pure jealousy. I mean, those plastic cutlets stuffed under Calvin’s skin make him look like he’s got a pair of ass cheeks on his face. Dude has nalgas face. And don’t you wish you always had a butt on your face? Exactly.