Last year on his show, Bill Maher joked that we should send Elisabeth Hasselbeck to Egypt in exchange for Lara Logan, the CBS News reporter who was raped there. Cut to this morning on The View, Elisabeth picked out the bone shoved up her ass and tried to slap Bill’s hands with it for offending her so. Elisabeth kept yapping and yapping like yorkie trying to jump on the bed and she finally whined Bill into sort of admitting that he shouldn’t have said what he said.
If the sound of Elisabeth’s voice makes you feel like tiny Satans are fucking you in the ear holes with their curling iron dicks, then read the transcript instead:
EH: I just want to go back to a time that bothered me for not my own personal reason, but just for women. So forgive this idiotic Republican for bringing this to your brilliant mind, but in February of last year, Lara Logan, as you recall, was in Egypt and she was brutally attacked by a mob there. She came back and said, “Their hands raping me over and over again, tearing my body in every direction, trying to tear off chunks of my skull. I was in no doubt in the process of dying.” Prior to her coming back, Bill, you on your show said, “Now that Mubarak has released Lara Logan, he must put her intrepid hotness on a plane immediately. In exchange, we’ll send Elisabeth Hasselbeck.”
EH: Now that’s fine if you want to laugh, but I make it my job and my profession…. I sit with incredible comedians and the best in the business in terms of broadcasting. You can’t tell me I’m wrong when I say that, err, wasn’t that funny.
BM: Well, we do a comedy show for an audience that’s perhaps different than your audience and you are a public figure. It was not aimed at you personally, but when you’re a public figure you’re out there for fodder for comedians to make comments on you.
EH: Do you draw the line ever?
BM: I do draw the line, but I also live on the line. I do a different kind of show. I’m on HBO. That’s my stock and trade. You do something different.
Joy: We walk the ledge. You know, it’s not easy. You make a joke, sometimes people’s feelings get hurt and then they attack us back and we have to….
BM: What you have to know is somebody has to be out on the edge to know where the edge is.
EH: Oh, thanks for being the hero. Would you say that again?
BM: If I knew I was coming here and knew I had to spend my entire segment talking about it, no, I wouldn’t.
A little later on after talking about politics shit….
EH: Wow, I actually feel smarter sitting next to you.
BM: Really? I feel like I’m in high school when I’m sitting next to you.
Bill Maher puts the smug in smug, but Elisabeth is as irritating as wiping your ass with a porcupine. Instead of calmly telling Bill that his rape joke wasn’t not funny, she had to mean girl him by throwing out her stupid wise cracks. I want to punch my monitor for showing me this, I want to punch my eyes for watching this and I want to punch my ears for listening to her insufferable whine of death.
But I still can’t sit on Team Maher, so I’m going to temporarily sit on Team Whoopi instead. When two swollen assholes are blowing cold air at each other, just sit very still and pray they don’t see you. Or maybe she’s sitting still, because her brain got paralyzed by all the ridiculousness.
via Gossip Cop