Amanda Woodward And Dr. Peter Burns Will Not Fake Their Deaths And Get Married On A Beach After All
Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner are rewriting history according to Aaron Spelling by NOT getting married before walking into the sunset together as the final Melrose Place credits roll. Heather and Jack made the 90s teenager in me put on a velvet choker (with a cameo charm, of course) and do the Rumpshaker after they announced three months ago that they are getting married. Then out of nowhere, Heather's spokeswhore came strolling out of their office, threw up their hands and casually said, "Look, they're not engaged anymore. Get over it." Just like that. JUST LIKE THAT. Can you believe that nonchalant shit?
No explanation. No "to be continued....." sign. No dramatic music which leads us to believe that this break-up is just part of their ultimate plan to fake their deaths and then run away to a deserted island so they can be together forever in peace. I'd even believe it if the rep told us that Heather and Jack were just sick of the "two balloons rubbing together" noise they made every time they kissed on each other's plastic faces. But nothing. Some of us have followed their love affair for OUR ENTIRE LIVES (I'm lying for dramatic effect) and this is how they treat us? This is how they treat their own family who they don't know and isn't really related to them by blood?
I would hate Jack Wagner, but I am not capable of doing so due to the simple fact that he did this once:
Heather on the other hand is no lady of my heart. Here's Heather at last night's Breaking Dawn premiere posing with her daughter like everything's just rainbow-farting peaches. THE AUDACITY!
Dr Peter Burns is a gorgeous - though rather elderly - homosexual!
Are there any nude photos of Burns?
Good thing they never got married cuz dividing the world's plastic surgeons during the divorce would have been hell.
I didn't even know they were still together.
I thought they made a nice couple, but I agree that in these pix, the man looks NOTHING like Jack Wagner, and Heather, for the first time in a long time, actually DOES look more like "herself."
----
WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
She is starting to look exactly like Olivia Newton John. All pinched puffed and stretched.
Will someone get the REAL Jack Wagner back??
He's All I Need.....
WTF happened to his face???? Jesus "Frisco" Jones, Man!
I'm betting that Kristina Malandro is ROFL.
************************************
I have to laugh to keep from crying.
Well, she also has a drinking problem. That might've put the kabosh on the engagement. It sucks to have to go through the dating crap again when you're close to 50;
JUST LIKE THAT!
no respect, these celebwhores. no respect for MK's feelings and that's where they all go terribly terribly wrong!
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Is Heather still a 1% loving 99% hating Republican? Her daughter is attractive but no where near as pretty as Heather was.
I knew Ava would turn out to be a knockout. And I was right.
NOT RIGHT are Heather's cheek implants, which were not even necessary, but overall, she still looks good.
I will always have a soft spot for her in my black heart.
***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
"Get over it" is THE BEST press release by a publicist.
_____________________________________________________
"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
mother and daughter are both gorgeous!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
" rumpshaker" .. OMG, lmao. Havent heard that song in ages!
Heather's feathers must be ruffled again ... since Denise is back w/her ex husband. pfft.
My teenage daughter instructs me to just say NO to batwing sleeves. I brought home a gorgeous, black (another no-no, apparantly) sweater from Talbot's and her reply to it was, "That's SO 'Chantal stays home and does a puzzle.'"
For a while she had the most scary, wide-eyed looking eyes; totally unnatural. Seems to have simmered down. Worst cheek implants ever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Droppin Kids Off in the Pool
Please adopt before you visit a breeder: www.petfinder.com to find a pet in your area.
I dunno, I think she looks okay. She's keeping her makeup to a minimum at least and she hasn't gone completely cat lady with her face.
Her daughter is very pretty and apparently didn't get her daddy's trash gene.
I think there was some scandal with Wagner's first marriage to the chick that played his wife on General Hospital, Christina Malandro (I think that was her name). He looks like a rageaholic.
Are they still a couple?
Ahhh Heather. I hope you find the right guy for you..always liked her.
Heather is at least recognizable. I would never have guessed that is Jack Wagner. (though admittedly, I haven't seen him in anything since he was Dr. Burns...)
"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment." -- Dorothy Parker
His face work approaches Shane Warne territory -- he bears NO resemblance to the dude who was Frisco Jones all them years ago. None!
I think she's looking worse and worse -- all puffy and hoisted, like Madge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
Glad to see Ms. chug chug and zoom zoom looking better. She was a cute girl then she let the menz ruin her.
Maybe they're not engaged anymore because they got married?
allll iiiii nnnNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEED ....
-that's the song i most identify with this burnt ken doll. shit, she herself looks like a beachburnt skipper.
they both have that alkie vibe & vacancy thing going on.
my sister loved him and that soap opera general hospital.
e v e r y muthafucking d a y.
and during emergencies, she'd tape it so it was STILL thefuck on.
and she'd play him singing. and she'd play it again. and again. marathons of this asshole.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YTkxr3j2HQ&feature=related
I'm more shocked by the fact that Dr Burns is not a natural blonde after all.
Heather looks ok but something tells me that the lights may be on but nobody's home! Those eyes look a little freaky to me.
I wanna know who Heather's plastic surgeon is. I think she looks freaking awesome. She had the WORST luck with me.
Jack can go and fuck himself. dickweed.
this break up makes me sad...i thought these two belonged together...
heather is looking better, but time has not been kind to jack at all...
_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by kathleenvh on Tue, 11/15/2011 - 6:50pm.
why doesn't she age????????
--------------------------------------------------------------
Besides plastic surgery. She is part Native American. LUMBEE tribe, I believe.
Meh - she's better off without him. I hear he's bi but prefers dudes.
I had a choker like that in jhs! :p
Jack & Heather will always be in love with each other. It's just inevitable.
******************
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
I find this guy strangely attractive.
_______________________________________________
I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
The fact that they look so much like brother and sister is freaking weird.
why doesn't she age????????
*****************************************************************
Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other). - MK
Her face settled much better than his did. I wonder if that is the root of all their problems...
He's on the soap I sometimes watch ( The bold and the beautiful) and he was trying, a few years ago to promote a new album and the producers of the show were allowing him to "showcase" some of the songs on the soap. it was so shitious and awful, words fail..... but he's still on the soap.
interesing fact, the woman who plays his mother on the show is only about seven years older than he is and looks better.
-------------------------------------------------
I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.
Were they part of a blind item? the one about a blonde couple or something???
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
They discovered they have the same father?
Or their faces would start to meld together when they made out?
Submitted by Spoiled on Tue, 11/15/2011 - 6:14pm.
Jaysus! The pics at the beach in the turquoise and black gear are unrecognizable! Whoever this woman was, she looked liie she went ten rounds with Manny Pacquiao, then cried for three hours!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Oh hell YEAH! Meet me on the ho stroll Jack Wagner, you fine ass man.
_________________________________________________
"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
Here's how badly she looked right after all of the work:
http://alteredidentity.com/heather-locklear-is-looking-better/
And here she is with her original(?) bewbs:
http://img001.lazygirls.info/people/heather_locklear/heather_locklear_he...
AAAAaack! The Aryan glare is blinding me.
.
.
Kids, just say no to cheek implants...I mean, look at her...After going through that horrible "fat faced, Joan Rivers bloated look" she was sporting after getting those fake melons in her cheeks, her cheeks have drooped back down to where they would be naturally, but now the hollows and deep lines around her eyes are more noticeable because of them and it appears to have given her a touch of wonk eye to boot...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
@StillaVllyGrl and Spoiled
ITA, that Heather looks much better in the face than she did in recent months. The swelling seems to have gone down some.
But I have to wonder how bad she looked before these procedures. Probably no where nearly as bad as she thought.
Yeah, and sorry it didn't work out for Heather and Jack. I bet they'll remain friends. When it comes to weddings, I guess it's better to cancel a real one than to stage a fake one.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Both H + J look like holy hell. Living like a rock star will do that to you, I guess. :\
I know someone who was Heather Locklear-pretty back in high school -- 30 years later now -- she pretty much looks like Heather does now .. without the plastic surgery, but still rough..
Heather's daughter is very pretty.
Wha?? Who married twat the hell?
I know the hos but stayed far, far away from MP. Dont know Jack shit. They're so... blonde.
.
.
Fuck I have to hear Rump Shaker NOW!
And don't forget I Got A Man!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What kind of fuckery is this?
Heather was hitting the injectable fillers too hard. Looks like she's cut back.
Ava is pretty. She has her Mom's old nose:
http://www.goodplasticsurgery.com/archives/smaller_nose_for_heather.jpg
That man is an imposter. He looks nothing like Frisco Jones and that is why there will be no marriage.
Tsk tsk MK, "All I need" by him was THE SHIT back in the day.
He even lip synched it on Solid Gold ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn8E9rrBt7s
Damn! This was one couple that made sense to me.
These two look like what would happen if Malibu Ken and Barbie accidentally got put into the dryer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org