Months of rehab, whooping a trick in an airport, snorting the bad shit off of Mickey Mouse’s inner thigh and allegedly sexing on a piece in front of everyone at a party was not enough to fully scrape away the Disney from Demi Lovato’s image, so she decided to scratch off another layer by baring her butt chin cleavage and 19-year-old chest balls at the Latin Grammys in Las Vegas last night. I’ve always said that nothing says “GROWN” like titty tape and chichi contouring, but couldn’t Demi have chosen a better dress for her titties’ coming out party?
Dwight from RHOA could let out a hundred How Dreadfuls over this and he’d still need to let out a hundred more before he begins to accurately describe this mess. Somewhere, a 50-year-old novella villainess is missing a boudoir gown to change into right before she seduces her arch rival’s husband. There’s a reason why the Blanche Devereaux intimates section at Bealls has a “50+ only” sign at its entrance. It takes a certain seasoned slutty abuelita to pull off a dress like this. Stick to the juniors section, Demi.
And I’m guessing every brush in her hotel room went on strike last night, so I won’t throw her cold shade for those pre-brushed, straight-out-of-the-rollers quince curls.
Of course, Wilmer Valderrama, the Jack Gordon to Demi’s La Toya, was there last night. Just looking at pictures of Wilmer makes me sniff at my coffee cup to make sure I haven’t been roofied without permission. Wilmer’s gross ass probably made Demi wear that dress since he looks like the type who’s into the “slutty senior at a 70s swingers party” look.