Mad Mel’s Sperm Must Be Stopped

November 10, 2011 / Posted by:

Mariah Yeater isn’t the only trick who’s slowly pushing Maury toward an early retirement so he can finally escape the paternity test fuckery. Star Magazine (via Radar) is reporting that some nobody from a short-lived reality shit show called Secrets of Aspen is telling her friends that she’s pregnant with a blank check signed with Mel Gibson’s old man jizz. Mel Gibson’s dick: truly the gift that keeps on giving gold diggers the debit card baby of their dreams.

A source close to Laura Bellizzi claims that the fetus growing in her uterus is nearly 4-months old and she’s trying to keep the identity of its father a secret from the media. Laura took a few unprotected rides on Mad Mel’s wrinkled Swastadick over the summer after mutual friends introduced them. One of Laura’s friends, Bridgette Willis, tells Rumor Fix that Mel is the father and the only way he’d be happier about this is if his newest spawn was born with a Hitler stache and sugar cube nipples. Bridgette put it like this:

“In fact, it was not long at all after she and Mel met that she became pregnant with his child. I don’t know if the baby was planned but I know Laura has told me that she and her parents are just so happy!

Laura told me, ‘Mel and I have a connection we are deeply connected. We talk every day on the phone.’ I believe from what Laura has told me Mel Gibson’s intentions are to keep this pregnancy under raps. Mel Gibson is taking care of Laura financially. This will include a luxurious home in a prominent gated community in Ladera Ranch in Orange County that she will soon move into. Also, she has told me that their baby will be enrolled in an elite private pre-school in San Juan Capistrano, CA. Last I was told there is a pre and post birth arrangement that has been instilled by Mel Gibson that will also include a trust fund for the baby. Laura has told me that she hasn’t asked for anything from Mel Gibson.”

Laura’s lawyer denies that Mel is the co-maker of her unborn child and Mel’s rep says this is a pack of lies. But I’m not sure….

The last time Mad Mel didn’t destroy his anti-Semitic sperm fish by wrapping a rubber yarmulke over his peen head before sticking it in, he was exposed as an abuser of ladies, babies, Jacuzzis, telephones, voicemail boxes, ottomans, ear drums, nerves, etc… etc… So is Mel stupid enough to do that shit again? Yeah, totally. Mel is no match against an ambitious gold digger with smarts and drawing skills!

Mad Mel made a vow to only cum during a blowjob before Jacuzzi, but Laura wasn’t going to let that stop her. Laura painted a beautiful Aryan lady face over her labia lips, threw a wiglet over the face and then did an elbow stand. Then as Mad Mel approached her, she used the ancient art of cuntriloquism to flap her coochie lips as she said, “Oh, my Catholic Prince, allow me to blowjob you before Jacuzzi.” BOOM. Pregnant. Bitch is the Einstein of gold diggers.

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