"I'd Make Out With You But I Think That Last Martini Is About To Come Up"
This morning, the lobby of the Belasco Theater in Los Angeles looks like a crime scene where a tangerine viciously murdered a family of cherries and that could only mean one thing: XTINA WAS THERE!
The Tasmanian She-Devil put on her party leggings and whirled through a video game launch party, eating every booze bottle, whore d'oeuvre and man in her path. Once every drop of hooch and cater waiter tray had been devoured, she stopped, let out a few huffs and then this happened:
Xtina gambled:
Xtina lost:
And when Xtina loses, everybody in a 200-foot radius loses. Emergency room nurses at the UCLA Medical Center now know why the number of fart inhalation cases that came in last night were up by a thousand percent.
Also, here's Xtina's beauty tip of the day: Before a night of drunken debauchery, go ahead and color your hairline with a bronzer stick. Bronzer it up all the way. I mean, your hairline is going to be covered in bronzer shit by the end of the night anyway, so you might as well look like you did it on purpose.
• 
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 12:06pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 12:02pm.
What happened to this mess? She used to have everything. She was shapely, pretty, had a good marriage and a career anyone would kill for. The only thing she has left is the VOICE and her son. Not sure she cares about either of those, given the way she parties.
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I think it was the divorce, honestly. As mismatched as she and Jordan Bratman looked, he seemed like he was a stabilizing influence in her life (remember her "Stripped" days?). Once their marriage imploded she started drinking too much and looking disheveled. I hope she pulls herself together for her kid's sake, and I still think she has one of the best voices in the business--even if she overdoes it in some songs with her diva slides.
The first step is getting rid of this guy, who's always given me a creepy vibe. I get the sense he's an opportunist and a user.
^^^^^^^^^^
Co-sign. Even you hate her music, you can't deny she has a towering voice. And I hate those damn diva slides. Yeah, we get you can make your voice to acrobatics. Not impressed.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by El Bastardo on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 12:07pm.
OINK! But of course I would.
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yes, yes... we all know that it's all about the squeal with you!LOL!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
a mess....
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
OINK! But of course I would.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 12:02pm.
What happened to this mess? She used to have everything. She was shapely, pretty, had a good marriage and a career anyone would kill for. The only thing she has left is the VOICE and her son. Not sure she cares about either of those, given the way she parties.
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I think it was the divorce, honestly. As mismatched as she and Jordan Bratman looked, he seemed like he was a stabilizing influence in her life (remember her "Stripped" days?). Once their marriage imploded she started drinking too much and looking disheveled. I hope she pulls herself together for her kid's sake, and I still think she has one of the best voices in the business--even if she overdoes it in some songs with her diva slides.
The first step is getting rid of this guy, who's always given me a creepy vibe. I get the sense he's an opportunist and a user.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Oh Christ! I didn't even notice the bronzer in her hair or that powder white scalp.
What a disaster!
Submitted by MissAnnThrope on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 11:55am.
She's far too short to be carrying any extra weight. I've said it before, I will say it again, when you are rich and famous, you should be flawless, or let's say, it would seem easier for the rich and famous to be flawless as they have the money and time that other's don't
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You only say this in reference to women. Have you seen Judy Dench, Helen Mirren, Kathy Bates et al when they were younger? Pretty, some over-weight but certainly flawed. Why should someone rich and famous be flawless?
Perfection is ridiculous and doesn't exist. Perfectionists are boring as hell, and constantly fight a losing battle. Kate Blanchett is beautiful in her own way but she does not fit the standard of H-wood beauty, same with a younger Meryl Streep. Yet all these women above are far more interesting and talented and have never given a shit about looking "flawless".
Believe me, "money" does not make someone eat well and exercise, no matter who they have access to. Oprah is a prime example. People are going to be who they are going to be.
These people are actor and singers, not super models. Enough will all this "perfection and flawless" stuff. It doesn't make sense and is utterly uninteresting.
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Dark-sided!
What happened to this mess? She used to have everything. She was shapely, pretty, had a good marriage and a career anyone would kill for. The only thing she has left is the VOICE and her son. Not sure she cares about either of those, given the way she parties.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
jeebus... i've always hated her "music", but... now i have to respect her for showing up in public looking that fucked up!... she's drunk, right?... jeebus, i hope that she's drunk.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
BF is the windows vista version of batboy
worthless
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
No mirror. No friends.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
SANS FARDS she NEEDS to shave that thing and start from scratch!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Easy there on the FARDS, Christina. Man she looks like a mess....this is shades of Britney all over again, with that creepy opportunist hanger-on who's leeching off of her millions. She hasn't shaved her head yet but she's clearly not heading in a good direction.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Well she never exactly was renowned for her good taste hey? She looks whorrific as usual.
Nigella and Jamie ain't got shit on Titli !
http://titlisbusykitchen.com/
she looks so, stumpy.
now i can take my post lunch shit.
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I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.
She's far too short to be carrying any extra weight. I was about to post that she looked pretty good, until I noticed what the other dlisters were pointing out... all that make up in her hairline! Good LORD! And I am tired of the bleached fake hair wig/extensions these young girls are into! Why do these girls (xtina, brittny, lindsay) all go out looking so unkempt and DIRTY? If they aren't fat they are dirty with bad teeth, terribly hair, make up, just TRASHY looking. WHY?
Submitted by saltydog88 on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 11:50am.
I think that since she failed at being Gaga she is trying to go for some sort of Adele and Winehouse hybrid...fat and drunk as shit
ahahahahahahahahhahahah
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
She probably isn't that much bigger than me but I am not nearly as puffy or bloated. And being curvy I would NEVER rock those tights. Christina -you aren't a twig anymore those don't work on you.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
I wonder what it feels like to wash hair made out of cotton candy.
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
Does this chick put on her makeup with her son's Crayola crayon box set? I mean really, who goes out with that much make-up on their face, besides transvestites, hookers and clowns?! And why does her new piece look exactly like her old piece? You're supposed to upgrade Christina,not stay the same.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
A. Mess.
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Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing. I see him starring at me, I see what he wants be
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>:- (
Mr. Mercury ♥
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 11:45am.
"Yes, MK, "color your hairline with a bronzer stick", but don't forget to first dump a pound of Johnson's Baby Powder on your scalp - lovely!
Is she going for the George Washington meets George Hamilton look?"
Seriously! How does this happen?! And her Charlie Brown-headed boyfriend has a face for slapping.
Wow, this brings me back. With so much coke face/meth mouth/ecstacy eyes around nowadays, it's refreshing to see someone with good old-fashioned whiskey bloat in the face.
I thought she looked hot in that 'Candyman' video. What the fuck happened. Batboy must have wind burns from the bullet.
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"...Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf..."
Oh my.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
all i have to say is that dude parasite with xtina looks all kinds of shady and gay. This will not end well. I am surprised she stuck to him for so long...she must love cock breath on her boy du jour.
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That peen needs some Miracle-Gro! - Bwhit19964
Hard to believe this is the same person in the "Diirty" video.
She's looks like an aging startlet that sits by the phone waiting for her dead agent to call.
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
dbella great minds!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Total Mae West vibe for me.
Her boy toy is just yuck.
The new guy is starting to look like Jordan Bratman. At least I think so. Did he always look like her ex?
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
I think that since she failed at being Gaga she is trying to go for some sort of Adele and Winehouse hybrid...fat and drunk as shit
The day has come where I need to admit that...those tights are not very flattering on her.
Really? I have NEVER gone anywhere looking this bad. What the hell is going on? Is that cocaine on her scalp? otherwise I cant account for it!
Those pants must be from the Marquis De Sade line.
What the Hell? Is that her BF? he looks just like Batboy!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Damn Xtina easy with the dry shampoo!
This post confuses me.
*blondeface*
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
If that's her new boyfriend, he looks an awful lot like her ex-husband. She certainly has a type.
How much do you not have to care in order to run around with more self tanner/foundation in your hair vs on your face? Why do her make-up people hate her sooooo much.
Edit- Skyrim sounds like some anal porn movie about asstronaughts.
Is anyone going to come over my place and watch me play Skyrim when it comes out? I want to marry the guy who carries the giant tree trunks in the trailer who runs the woodmill place, it's gonna be really hot and not gay or dorky at all.
Trannytina looks so hot and ready to fuck, I am a psychic and a medium and can tell that she wishes her boyfriend would cum Mudslides rather than semen and sperm like a normal human being.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
This bitch is giving me a Zsa Zsa Gabor vibe in the main picture and a couple of others.
MK, so true about the bronzer!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I dont understand that orange hairline thing?
Coma Caca!
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While Xtina is at the Belasco, somewhere in the world there is a lonely spitfire without a pig to roast.
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Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
Bitch is going to wake up with the horrors.
DO NOT PUT YOUR BALLS ON MY FACE UNLESS I'M SUCKING YOUR COCK! M.E. 07/11/11
That beat weave/dead muskrat looks like the white beard of a longtime smoker. Streaks of pure tobacco.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Yes, MK, "color your hairline with a bronzer stick", but don't forget to first dump a pound of Johnson's Baby Powder on your scalp - lovely!
Is she going for the George Washington meets George Hamilton look?
Her face is just so damn unfortunate looking.
Paint inside the lines, idiot.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma