“I’d Make Out With You But I Think That Last Martini Is About To Come Up”

November 9, 2011 / Posted by:

This morning, the lobby of the Belasco Theater in Los Angeles looks like a crime scene where a tangerine viciously murdered a family of cherries and that could only mean one thing: XTINA WAS THERE!

The Tasmanian She-Devil put on her party leggings and whirled through a video game launch party, eating every booze bottle, whore d’oeuvre and man in her path. Once every drop of hooch and cater waiter tray had been devoured, she stopped, let out a few huffs and then this happened:

Xtina gambled:

Xtina lost:

And when Xtina loses, everybody in a 200-foot radius loses. Emergency room nurses at the UCLA Medical Center now know why the number of fart inhalation cases that came in last night were up by a thousand percent.

Also, here’s Xtina’s beauty tip of the day: Before a night of drunken debauchery, go ahead and color your hairline with a bronzer stick. Bronzer it up all the way. I mean, your hairline is going to be covered in bronzer shit by the end of the night anyway, so you might as well look like you did it on purpose.

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