"I'd Make Out With You But I Think That Last Martini Is About To Come Up"
This morning, the lobby of the Belasco Theater in Los Angeles looks like a crime scene where a tangerine viciously murdered a family of cherries and that could only mean one thing: XTINA WAS THERE!
The Tasmanian She-Devil put on her party leggings and whirled through a video game launch party, eating every booze bottle, whore d'oeuvre and man in her path. Once every drop of hooch and cater waiter tray had been devoured, she stopped, let out a few huffs and then this happened:
Xtina gambled:
Xtina lost:
And when Xtina loses, everybody in a 200-foot radius loses. Emergency room nurses at the UCLA Medical Center now know why the number of fart inhalation cases that came in last night were up by a thousand percent.
Also, here's Xtina's beauty tip of the day: Before a night of drunken debauchery, go ahead and color your hairline with a bronzer stick. Bronzer it up all the way. I mean, your hairline is going to be covered in bronzer shit by the end of the night anyway, so you might as well look like you did it on purpose.
• 
WTF is up with her chin in #2? Does she have an implant?
I can't hate on X-tina too much because unlike Jessica, Rhianna, and even old biddy Madge, the girl is legitimately talented and can sing. She seems to be losing a step, though.
Brings to mind a line out of The Color Purple:
"She got legs like baseball bats."
She definitely has a type, Jordan Batman II
And she's as loyal to her own 'look' II
---
She was also a 'raging nymphomaniac.'"
she would look so much better with a natural shade of blond. this bleached shyte on her head is hideous. and she doesn't need all that makeup either.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Too much make up! In the main pic she looks like Doris fucking Day! How does you take all that off...with a pressure washer? Looks older than stated age of 30.
Does anyone notice all the baby powder caked onto her scalp? She probably hasn't washed her hair in a week or more. Dirrrty.
Like, omg, your make-up is in your hair YOUR MAKE-UP IS IN YOUR HAIR!!!!
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Hysteria on Thu, 11/10/2011 - 12:02am.
I think the divorce was pretty amicable, but she totally fell apart and hasn't been "together" since.
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Let's see. She screwed up the national athem lyrics in front of about 2 billion people.
She fell over during a grammy performance.
There was the divorce. Dint go well?
What am I missing?
Stress will pack on the pounds. There was a time when she looked worse. Remember the black and white rat-nest hair?
.
.
this bitch, or whoever did her shiteous makeup, used an airbrush machine. i got the schadenfreudes when i saw a hideous wedding photo of an ex-friend of mine, and she had this same shit going on. the horrid bleach blond hair and the foundation ring. made me laugh all day long.
-----------------------------------------
A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
somebody hide the fucking doughnuts already...
the power of michael k compels you!
the power of michael k compels you!
Ever since Kelly called her a fat bitch AND said she never was that fat I like Christian a bit.
Thanks Kellly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Crustyina Fagulera. on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 4:57pm.
Imagine a succulent blow job from this blob of a woman. She would gobble that dick up, leave her putrid red lipstick mark on your nutsac, and drain every last drop.
Tacky Pig.
==========================================
I know right? Pure skank heaven is what that is, unless I was tag teamed by her and Lindsay Lohan, omgawwwwwd. No, Xtina, Lindsay ANNNDDD Lindsay's mother!!!
Somebody get out the defibrillator, I'm having a heart attack.
And the best news of all: Kelly Osborne *might* just die laughing.
Despicable cunt.
That is all.
__________
Fair is foul and foul is fair..
Imagine a succulent blow job from this blob of a woman. She would gobble that dick up, leave her putrid red lipstick mark on your nutsac, and drain every last drop.
Tacky Pig.
She and Shitney look like short bloated trolls. Time is a real bitch.
I knew I wouldn't be the first one to lay down the words ZSA ZSA! Xtina's gotta watch that shit - she's too young to be compared to the Big Zee. On a side note: I love big butts. I really do, butt - not cottage cheese. She needs to see these pics & rethink that mess.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
As useless as a saggy pair of tits
Submitted by kylimayrow on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 12:59pm.
Oh, way worse. When she isn't bloated and you chisel off the makeup, Xtina is still incredibly lovely. Beaver is getting creepier looking all the time, and if he ever starts looking male he will be pretty fugly.
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I think her face/makeup look good...for her. Xtina does have a pretty face. She got just a little too much foundation in her bleached wig though.
__________________________________________________
"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
When I first saw that pic I thought it was Debbie Reynolds in a cast off Lilo weave.
Xtina is giving shart face.
Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:12pm.
Did you hear that thump? That was Kelly Osbourne falling over in delight.
I think that was an earthquake, not just a thump.
Even with the extra weight she's slimmer than most people, however, her face just doesn't look like her anymore.
That is one sad, hot-ass mess up there. Foundation on your grandma-colored 'do, that is just tragic. Her hair looks like something the carny man with dirty hands whips up and hands to you on a stick while leering at you.
►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄
Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
What a heifer! LMAO
**********
"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
This tranny needs a new look, NOW!
***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
Submitted by ponchiks on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:50pm.
Am I the only one who thinks that her new boyfriend looks like her ex-husband, only slightly less batman-ish?
I was thinking the same thing, ponchiks.
Also, Christina Daaahling (in my best Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford voice)...that is decidedly NOT daytime makeup.
The reason her hair is the way it is, is that a professional hairstylist won't bleach bad hair white in one go, they will bleach it and then go to tone the color after a week or so, to improve the condition of it.
People with that sort of hair color do 'rotation bleaches' like Gwen Stefani who always has her hair parted a different way, fake bangs or whatever. Her roots are yellow.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:45pm.
One person's cleaning material is another person's hairdo.
LMAO. :)
______
Seriously...her skin is good. Why does she crust it up? And why do they put white out on her scalp? What are they trying to erase?
Am I the only one who thinks that her new boyfriend looks like her ex-husband, only slightly less batman-ish?
This bloated painted woman needs some help fast.
There's a weeks worth of foundation in her hair.
Whoever decided to create the hue gradation from her orange skin to the platinum hair with that peach color hairline is a comic genius. I kind of love it for the sheer creativity.
One person's cleaning material is another person's hairdo.
----------------------------------------------------------
RUSTY & CAPPY, vous nous manquez! Soyez gentils et donnez-nous de vos nouvelles!
That "leggings as pants" thing has got to be one of the nastiest trends on Earth. It looks absolutely disgusting on EVERYONE... I don't care if you have the smokingest body... it is hideous and tacky. I see it in real life once in a while, and I'm always mind-boggled. It's a major upgrade to put on sweat pants instead.
Keeping the hair and make up terrible means that half the time people won't be talking about the fact she's a solid size 14 now.
It's like walking into a house the real estate agent describes as needing tlc. The old man pee pee soaked into the carpet around the toilet and the thousands of glass eyes on the Marie Osmond dolls ordered from TLC being hoarded in the guest bedroom are competing for your attention with their horror. Your mind is trying to sort it out into horrible, bad, and can live with categories and it just can't.
Both Xtina and the house are in need of some ambitious gays to fix it up.
MK to the rescue.
I'd cry and shave my head if i had that nasty ass hair.
bitch looks like she has a gorilla put her makeup on in a pitch black room...I mean, I have seen memaws with really shakey hands apply makeup on and look better than this...Xtina, for shame, what is really going on with the foundation/hair mess??? She is just one super hot mess now.
I thought that top pic was a good pic of a younger Zas Zsa Gabor at first
\
I am straight-up delighted whenever we get a Christina post...it'll never get old, seeing this arrogant, mean-spirited (Bitter Waitress - never forget!) heifer look a mess. When it was damned obvious that Britney Spears had acute psychological problems, Aguilera went out of her way to comment on how busted Britney was, that she'd never have a comeback, that she'd never get it back. Only a low-down monkey in a wig (tm Nene Leakes) would be so gleeful about someone else's breakdown, I don't care how much jealousy or latent resentment from their Mouseketeer days was involved.
I don't think she's an addict in any way - just enraged that Gaga exists, that Britney still earns, that her ex hasn't either dropped dead or successfully sued for sole physical and legal custody of her son, and that 'Burlesque' didn't turn her into a bigger star. HAW-haw!
________________________________
Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:12pm.
Did you hear that thump? That was Kelly Osbourne falling over in delight.
Hee!
You rock :-)
puleeze do not blame this wreck on a makeup artist--her hairline is painted from airbrush spray spackle (foundation) She was definitely plastered when she applied it her own self!
Yuck.
Celebrity Rehab 2012: Xtina, Paris Hilton, Gary Busey, Lilo (because even if sober, he does reality shows, any kind), and Guns n Roses drummer (of course he's back), Redmond O'Neal, and some reject from MTV's Road Rules/Real World, along with another loser from "The Bad Girls Club."
And they'd be cured because Dr. Drew really is a licensed medical professional.
Hoff - We don't get our tree until usually the first weekend in December. But we rearranged our living room a few months ago and his Clark Griswold mind is already trying to figure out where to put the tree. And he started talking about designs for the L shaped table he has to build for my village.
SHUDDUP! LEMME EAT MY DAMN TURKEY FIRST!
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 12:55pm.
a walgreens by us, had halloween candy out, wait for it... on FUCKING AUGUST 23.
I remember cause it was my barfday.
-------------------------------------------------
I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:06pm.
Ugh, I just want to rip out the extensions, dye her hair a softer and more subtle blonde, wipe the red shit from her face, and throw her in a nice A-line dress.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Douchechill!
Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:12pm.
Did you hear that thump? That was Kelly Osbourne falling over in delight.
HaHA!
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/09/2011 - 1:07pm.
I know! Halloween use to be such a BFD, now, it's like, one more day to get over so we can start hawking our christmas shit.
fuck, the tree before thanksgiving?????????
-------------------------------------------------
I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.