George Clooney And Farts Should Get Married

November 9, 2011 / Posted by:

We might have finally found the one thing that can break George Clooney’s anti-marriage vow and not surprisingly it’s farts! They say a way to George Clooney’s heart is through farts and they’re right. George Clooney loves farts. George Clooney could kiss a fart. George Clooney could suck a fart out of a fart’s fart hole. George Clooney could sit next to a fart in a restaurant booth. George Clooney could marry a fart if a fart knew how to fart out the word “yes.” George Clooney could give a fart a key to his Lake Coma villa. Every time a butt farts, a George Clooney laughs. That’s how much George Clooney loves farts.

In an interview with Rolling Stone, George shared his love of the other queef and also talked about how he lost his virginity at 16 and once had underage sex with a rope (cut to Jerry Sandusky praying to come back as a rope in his next life). The fart usually comes at the end of the meal so I’ll save that quote for last.

On people not seeing The Ides of March: “It’s not designed for everybody to see, but I don’t give a shit. I don’t need to be more famous and we shot it for $12 million, so anything we do is nice.”

On having dry sex with a rope: “I believe it was while climbing a rope when I was six or seven years old. I mean, nothing came out, but all the other elements were there. I remember getting to the top of the rope, hanging off the rope, and going, ‘Oh, my God, this feels great!’

On Stacy Keibler’s Tweeting: “She can do whatever she wants. I rarely tell anybody what they should be doing with their life.”

On his favorite thing on earth, the anus exhale: “We think it’s one of the funniest things in the history of mankind. Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word ‘fart’ makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there’s nothing funnier.”

Well, it’s nice to know that you can always count on George Clooney for a laugh when he fucks a fart out of you. That really is the worst. Nothing kills the mood like a laugh brought on by a sex fart. We all love to let out a HAHA over a good fart, but please have some decorum and keep your laugh to yourself when your piece lets one go as your genitals do the Dougie on theirs. We’re all adults here and adults stay in character after any kind of mid-fuck fart. Don’t break the fart wall by laughing, because it’s pretty much impossible to recover from that. Grow up, George!

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