Brett Ratner bowed out as producer of the Oscars last night to devote more time to making love to a bowl of shrimp scampi and now his homegirl Eddie Murphy is doing the same thing. But Eddie wants only transsexual hooker shrimps in his bowl, thankyouverymuch.
The Academy president let out a statement today saying that Eddie believes in “bros before ho…scars” shit and feels like it’s wrong for him to stay on as host without his partner in douchery. As his assistants packed up the dozens of lady fat suits he planned on changing into throughout the ceremony, Eddie said these words:
“First and foremost I want to say that I completely understand and support each party’s decision with regard to a change of producers for this year’s Academy Awards ceremony. I was truly looking forward to being a part of the show that our production team and writers were just starting to develop, but I’m sure that the new production team and host will do an equally great job.”
Where do I sign the “Courtney Stodden 4 Oscar host” petition? Every presenter will have to say “…and the glisteningly glimmery Oscar that my long lingering fingers are sumptuously caressing the succulent heat off of gorgeously goes to…” and the show will be cut short halfway through after Courtney is kicked out of the theater for tarnishing the innocent no-eyes of the statues by being too sexy. Courtney Stodden 4 Oscar host! Get the “Betty White 4 SNL host” people on it.