Beyonce's Baby Will Bathe In Bling
Kelly Rowland was almost deported back down to the basement after she dropped the gender of the unborn wig messiah during a red carpet interview, and so she knew she had to diffuse the rage in Beyonce's eyes with something sparkly. That's where this mess of a bedazzled baby bathtub comes in. ABC News heard that Kelly spent $5,200 on a baby-sized porcelain tub from designer Lori Gardner and gave it to Beyonce as a baby shower gift. The Liberace Jr. special takes 2 months and 44,928 Swarovski crystals to make. It weighs more than 3,000 pounds.
Jay-Z and Beyonce are allegedly building a 2,200 square foot nursery in their Tribeca apartment and so this 1% of bathtubs is merely just a dim twinkle on the mound of tacky extravaganza their baby will sit on top of. Still, some of the old members of Destiny's Child are cursing life for not falling out of Beyonce's vagina as they scrub their pits in a Rubbermaid trash can full of hose water in their backyards (been there!).
I was going to write that at least those crystals will give Beyonce's au pair something shiny to focus on when her baby butt burps a tub turd, but then I remembered that the golden child of infinite light is probably going to shit Swarovski crystals anyway.
• 
Sorry for the vinegar folks - just found out a friend is losing their home today.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:24pm.
all I have to say is that there is a fellow dlister that has an avie showing what this baby could look like, and it is not a pretty sight.
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That's Slutleena, aka Alana Smithee (something like that). She's got another one, too. Very creepy and accurate looking. It's got his nose with Mommy's Sasha Fierce eyes.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:29pm.
Don't feel bad. There is a saying in gambling..my ex was a pro...you have to play big to win big. Candy most likely plays high roller slots where each pull is probably anywhere from 100-1000. My guess is (just like any other gambler) she has lost more than she has won.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
As my unemployed and over-educated ass sits at home job hunting and panicking about rent and student loans, I have to ask: Wouldn't these people be mortified, IN THIS ECONOMY in particular, to be purchasing and accepting gifts such as this for anyone, nevermind for an infant who will grow out of it in about 5 minutes? It's disgusting and out of touch behavior...and no, I wouldn't do this or anything like it if I fell head first into a vat of 18 carat diamonds.
Aren't those crystals a choking hazard? Call the CDC!
America, what a strange country you have become...a land were young whores can become millionaires, singers can buy their underaged spawn expensive cars and purchage their every whim yet everyday families live in dread of having the bank take away their homes or have to contemplate what to pay the gas or the electric. But still we fork over what little money we have to the over privileged entertainers who would no sooner run us off their property than do some good with their vast wealth in these shitty times.
Revolution anyone?
Ahahhahaahahaha!!! *cries while bedazzling arm pits* You are all next, arm pit bedazzling hurts so be prepared.we are going somewhere peoples!!we will make millions...trust!!! Snowy leave my vaginal area aloooooooone!! *follows Deb*
Coma Caca!
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Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:32pm.
*bedazzles Chiri's vajayjay*
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*watches smiling*
@Bjork You
Darling, you should let your security team handle such trivial matters!
@IG
Walk it off, girl. We got some tubs to bedazzle!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I bet GOOPY will one-up this gift with a diamond studded Easy-Bake pizza oven.
Candy should take some of her winnings and go buy a personality.
And speaking of winning (not) they're saying the guy that won the $254M Powerball lost the ticket before he could cash it in. *golf clap*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
"ATTENTION" All occupy Wall Street, Oakland, Washington DC, ETC., loonies looking for something relevant - start pitching your tents at Beyonce and the Kuntdashian's front yards. These are the truly evil millionaires who don't have a clue.
Submitted by MissAnnThrope on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:19pm.
OH HELL NO with that bath tub. Are you F'ing kidding me?!
And I agree, she's gonna come out looking like daddy, don't these women ever THINK before they mate? Look at JLo's skeletor babies. Plastic surgery can only do so much and at what age can they start trying to unfug these kids? At least Brangelina's kids are easy to look at.
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I'd imagine that JLo, at least, is pleased that her little girl won't be as beautiful as she is.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:32pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:29pm.
In other rich people news, Candy Spelling won $90,000 playing the frigging slots in Vegas two weeks ago.
WTF AM I DOING WRONG, PEOPLE??????????????
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And that isn't the first time either. She has won several big jackpots, including one for over $100k. She also won a car once too at a casino.
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I'm just glad that the poor thing doesn't have to fork over a lot in taxes. She is a single mom, afterall.
Does that mean Candy is a troll of the slots? Has she turned into one of those old ladys that CAMP out in front of 3 slots and goes at it for hours on end? Sad. But profitable!
Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:33pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:19pm.
Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:14pm.
ba-buttons is taking bets - going odds are that within two years the old tax man will be wondering where his cut of 'Jay Jay' and 'Bey's' grotesque wealth has been all these years.
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Hate to ba-burst your ba-bubble, but Jay-Z is one of the most astute and straight-shooting businessmen around. He would never allow his empire or his good reputation to take a hit by dodging taxes. No way. Unfortunately, Diddy is the same way.
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You, of course, are assuming that overwhelming hubris has not become the main force in all of those idiots lives.
It has. No amount of money will ever be enough and that greed will only make them poorer. Pride goeth before the fall. Ask Wesley Snipes.
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I....I....I don't even know which part to start laughing at first!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:28pm.
Submitted by Deb on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:25pm.
Hey communists! Beyonce and Jay-Z are JOB CREATORS, you rabble! The ornate baby tub craftsmen are in their debt!
I'm sure that they will be also stimulating the ultra-high end baby shampoo and bath soap industries.
Now, you can all go pull yourselves up by your dirty bootstraps and jump into your garbage can tubs.
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"Please sir, I want some more!"
*goes back to gnawing rats in alleyway*
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Get off my very expensive landscaped lawn, peasant.
Deb, I got my glue gun in my holster. FUCK ME, THAT'S HOT!!
@SANS FARDS
You're pretty funny for a common guttersnipe!
@snowy & Chirio
That's it! I'm headed for Hobby Lobby! Who's with me?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:19pm.
Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:14pm.
ba-buttons is taking bets - going odds are that within two years the old tax man will be wondering where his cut of 'Jay Jay' and 'Bey's' grotesque wealth has been all these years.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Hate to ba-burst your ba-bubble, but Jay-Z is one of the most astute and straight-shooting businessmen around. He would never allow his empire or his good reputation to take a hit by dodging taxes. No way. Unfortunately, Diddy is the same way.
--------------------------------------------------
You, of course, are assuming that overwhelming hubris has not become the main force in all of those idiots lives.
It has. No amount of money will ever be enough and that greed will only make them poorer. Pride goeth before the fall. Ask Wesley Snipes.
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"...Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf..."
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:29pm.
In other rich people news, Candy Spelling won $90,000 playing the frigging slots in Vegas two weeks ago.
WTF AM I DOING WRONG, PEOPLE??????????????
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And that isn't the first time either. She has won several big jackpots, including one for over $100k. She also won a car once too at a casino.
*bedazzles Chiri's vajayjay*
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
*gets in line for bread*
Im going to go bedazzle my tits - see how much I can get!
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:25pm.
how fucking hard can it be to bedazzle a bathtub? we are in the wrong business, people!
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No sh*t Einstein!! lol!!! I should bedazzle my art too!!! Make millions!!!! Let's go people!! we can do this!!!!!
Coma Caca!
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In other rich people news, Candy Spelling won $90,000 playing the frigging slots in Vegas two weeks ago.
WTF AM I DOING WRONG, PEOPLE??????????????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
wispers..."if you have to ask, you cant afford it darling"
darkknight, she may have a 5 million dollar ring but her knuckles look like prunes
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Submitted by Deb on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:25pm.
Hey communists! Beyonce and Jay-Z are JOB CREATORS, you rabble! The ornate baby tub craftsmen are in their debt!
I'm sure that they will be also stimulating the ultra-high end baby shampoo and bath soap industries.
Now, you can all go pull yourselves up by your dirty bootstraps and jump into your garbage can tubs.
______________________________________________
"Please sir, I want some more!"
*goes back to gnawing rats in alleyway*
_______________________________________________
I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Submitted by Darknight on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:22pm.
Submitted by Datura on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:17pm.
Whoa. I'm looking at my rather nice half carat ring and trying to imagine it 36 times bigger. My finger would have to do push-ups to support that weight.
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Some of us are carat-less, thankyouverymuch. She actually wears a $5000 replica ring, for safety reasons of course.
http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-extravagant-gifts.php
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I am pretty repulsed by the $129k WHITE CROCODILE bag David Beckham gave Victoria! WHITE CROCODILE and diamonds! Sick!
So damn tacky. I'm really starting to loathe Beyonce.
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
Hey communists! Beyonce and Jay-Z are JOB CREATORS, you rabble! The ornate baby tub craftsmen are in their debt!
I'm sure that they will be also stimulating the ultra-high end baby shampoo and bath soap industries.
Now, you can all go pull yourselves up by your dirty bootstraps and jump into your garbage can tubs.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Jay-Z appears to be very unfortunate to breed with. Ok, he is ugly or I am just not seeing it. Does anyone find him attractive?
He's on the same fug level as Flavor Flav.
how fucking hard can it be to bedazzle a bathtub? we are in the wrong business, people!
****************************
"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
all I have to say is that there is a fellow dlister that has an avie showing what this baby could look like, and it is not a pretty sight.
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"I paid good money to get eaten out" - Samantha Jones
With any luck, this kid will grow up to be such a monster that she murders these two idiots in their sleep.
The spirit of fuck you should never be underestimated. ~hotpocket 10/23/11
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:20pm.
Haha! Coffee cup phone!
Occupy Bey's Mansion!
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Submitted by super martian r... on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:20pm.
How can this be 3000 pounds?
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It comes with Beyonce sitting in it.
ugh...my stomach just flipped at the obscene grossness of this...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by Datura on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:17pm.
Whoa. I'm looking at my rather nice half carat ring and trying to imagine it 36 times bigger. My finger would have to do push-ups to support that weight.
***********
Some of us are carat-less, thankyouverymuch. She actually wears a $5000 replica ring, for safety reasons of course.
http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-extravagant-gifts.php
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:15pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:10pm.
http://www.thediamondbathtub.com/
She makes big tubs too.
^^^^^^^^^^^
No prices.
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Yeah, they are from like $28k to $50k. You have to go under products and then go through the virtual booklet, the prices and styles are near the end.
How can this be 3000 pounds? Not possible.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:10pm.
http://www.thediamondbathtub.com/
you know I was just thinking to myself, I could use a disco ball in my bathroom but I don't want to bump my head on it in the middle of the night.
VOILA!! it's the disco ball tub. get some candles going, throw on a little Donna Summer, and get your hustle AND your scrub-a-dub on!!
it's disco tub! from the makers of coffee cup phone and anti-perspirant gun. call now!
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:14pm.
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:00pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:57pm.
Speaking of babies: Hugh Grant named his daughter Tinglan Hong -- a Chinese name that translates to Happy Accident.
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Awwww....That's cute. And much nicer than Oops Baby. hehe
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I named mine Dumpster Baby and haven't seen it since!
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LMFAO!!!!!!
OH HELL NO with that bath tub. Are you F'ing kidding me?!
And I agree, she's gonna come out looking like daddy, don't these women ever THINK before they mate? Look at JLo's skeletor babies. Plastic surgery can only do so much and at what age can they start trying to unfug these kids? At least Brangelina's kids are easy to look at.
@ Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:16pm.
Way to bring it down to the little people's level El-B!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:05pm.
Proof once again that money DOES NOT equal class!
more money than brains
Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:14pm.
ba-buttons is taking bets - going odds are that within two years the old tax man will be wondering where his cut of 'Jay Jay' and 'Bey's' grotesque wealth has been all these years.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Hate to ba-burst your ba-bubble, but Jay-Z is one of the most astute and straight-shooting businessmen around. He would never allow his empire or his good reputation to take a hit by dodging taxes. No way. Unfortunately, Diddy is the same way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
If you do not want to pay almost $50k for one of her "diamond" adult tubs, you can rent one for $500 per day, with a $5,000 security deposit!