Beyonce’s Baby Will Bathe In Bling

November 8, 2011 / Posted by:

Kelly Rowland was almost deported back down to the basement after she dropped the gender of the unborn wig messiah during a red carpet interview, and so she knew she had to diffuse the rage in Beyonce’s eyes with something sparkly. That’s where this mess of a bedazzled baby bathtub comes in. ABC News heard that Kelly spent $5,200 on a baby-sized porcelain tub from designer Lori Gardner and gave it to Beyonce as a baby shower gift. The Liberace Jr. special takes 2 months and 44,928 Swarovski crystals to make. It weighs more than 3,000 pounds.

Jay-Z and Beyonce are allegedly building a 2,200 square foot nursery in their Tribeca apartment and so this 1% of bathtubs is merely just a dim twinkle on the mound of tacky extravaganza their baby will sit on top of. Still, some of the old members of Destiny’s Child are cursing life for not falling out of Beyonce’s vagina as they scrub their pits in a Rubbermaid trash can full of hose water in their backyards (been there!).

I was going to write that at least those crystals will give Beyonce’s au pair something shiny to focus on when her baby butt burps a tub turd, but then I remembered that the golden child of infinite light is probably going to shit Swarovski crystals anyway.

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159 responses to “Beyonce’s Baby Will Bathe In Bling”

  1. cake coke and cock says:

    Gotta love how the marketing team thought a white baby would ever come near this.

    ————————————————-
    Don’t make me quote Nabokov at you. I’ll do it. I promise.

  2. Mama Bear says:

    I’m so tired of this hip hop royalty ghetto fabulous bling. Please, in the name of Brian Setzer can we resurrect a trend to replace this one.

  3. Dog says:

    Proving once again that money in no way gives you class or style. But damn, if it’s really a girl, Jay-Z will spoil that kid ROTTEN! He looks like that type. He’ll be all googly-eyed and sh*t.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    http://www.charitywater.org

    http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

    http://www.modestneeds.org

  4. Evil_Cupcake says:

    Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:55pm.

    It’s hard for him NOT to be all googly eyed!

  5. TexnDoc says:

    A baby sized porcelain crystal studded tub weighs more than 3000 pounds? Baby sized. OK. So how do you get it to the nursery? What crappy journalism. (Not you MK not you. I know you’re just repeating and we know how you are at math).

  6. fishsticksfan says:

    Submitted by CheeryBitch on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:50pm.

    Wow. Methinks those Wall St. occupiers should make their way to Tribeca (and Suri Cruise’s closet). This is some tacky, tacky, tacky shit.
    ——————–

    OCCUPY BEYONCE!! lololo

  7. ethang says:

    Tacky ghetto mess. Won’t be surprised if the baby has a diamond stud and a gold tooth by 12 months.

  8. Few Words says:

    bebehs gonna have mink diapers. precious cargo in ’em

    ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
    ♦ When all else fails, they call me.
    ♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I’m a student of t-shirts.

  9. Cake666 says:

    Bling, tacky bullshit for easily distracted people.

    B!i!i!iD~
    For your health.

  10. CheeryBitch says:

    Submitted by cake coke and cock on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:53pm.

    Gotta love how the marketing team thought a white baby would ever come near this.
    —————————————–

    You KNOW the cheap ass version is going to show up at someone’s baby shower soon and they’re going to be all proud and shit; ‘it’s just like Beyonce’s!!!’. Plastic baby tub? Check. Self-sticking crystals from Hobby Lobby; ’50 for $1.99!’? Check.

  11. Momus the Sarcastic says:

    Speaking of babies: Hugh Grant named his daughter Tinglan Hong — a Chinese name that translates to Happy Accident.

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    “It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkien.
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  12. Deb says:

    This is so wrong! That nursery will be at least quadruple the size of Aunt Solange’s basement crib!

    “JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON.”
    Charles Manson

  13. Dog says:

    Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:56pm.

    Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:55pm.

    It’s hard for him NOT to be all googly eyed!

    ^^^^^^^^^^^

    Are you making fun of his bug-eyed self???

    R.E.P.O.R.T.E.D.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    http://www.charitywater.org

    http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

    http://www.modestneeds.org

  14. urmomma says:

    EC, he is walleyed. Walleyed.

    and LMAO at Texndoc….that was funny, but not very nice. I take my shoes off to add, it is only akward a restaurants and grocery stores.

    *********************
    The difficult brown?! I think we’re all done here. -MK

  15. fishsticksfan says:

    Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:57pm.
    Speaking of babies: Hugh Grant named his daughter Tinglan Hong — a Chinese name that translates to Happy Accident.
    ************************************************

    Awwww….That’s cute. And much nicer than Oops Adaisy Baby. hehe

  16. SANS FARDS says:

    That is totally not tacky in the worst economy since the Depression. But if you’ve got the $$$, who am I to judge…

    _______________________________________________

    I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

  17. lovesmesomeblackdick says:

    That baby girl is going to need all the help she can get…you just know that she’s going to be ugly like her father…

  18. Evil_Cupcake says:

    Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 1:00pm.
    EC, he is walleyed. Walleyed.

    *****************

    All the same to me- Walleyed, cockeyed, googly-eyed. He’s got fucked up eyes.

  19. fishsticksfan says:

    Submitted by Mama Bear on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:54pm.
    I’m so tired of this hip hop royalty ghetto fabulous bling. Please, in the name of Brian Setzer can we resurrect a trend to replace this one.
    —————–

    Maybe their kids will go onto to define a new generation of minimalists, less is more, more is tacky, who are embarrassed by their parents’ extravagance?

  20. Evil_Cupcake says:

    Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 1:00pm.
    Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:56pm.

    Submitted by Dog on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 12:55pm.

    It’s hard for him NOT to be all googly eyed!

    ^^^^^^^^^^^

    Are you making fun of his bug-eyed self???

    R.E.P.O.R.T.E.D.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    NARC!

  21. ritzyroxie says:

    So it seems Kelly has pacified the Dirty Rice army with this offering to The Creole. May her spawn rise up and lighten this dark, dark world. Oh, and her skin, cause B won’t be having any non-caramel-assed kids.

    —————————————————————————————————-
    A beauty that makes abuelitas pray for our sinful souls is my kind of beauty. -MK 9/12/11

    YAAAAAAASS! -Sage Khia

  22. Gardening Girl says:

    Proof once again that money DOES NOT equal class!

  23. Gardening Girl says:

    And another thing – I hope that kid is DARK!

  24. MissJaneTexas says:

    Is it freaking baby day on Dlisted?! I am depressed enough with everyone of my close female friends currently preggo – I come here for a break!

    **************************************************************
    You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. – MK 8/3/2011

  25. Dog says:

    Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 11/08/2011 – 1:05pm.

    Proof once again that money DOES NOT equal class!

    ^^^^^^^^^

    COPYCAT!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    http://www.charitywater.org

    http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

    http://www.modestneeds.org

  26. Sweetas says:

    LEAVE KELLY ALOOOOONE!! It took her months of saving change from JayZ’s couch to buy that.

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