Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver’s 18-year-old son Patrick should really practice giving FACE! FACE! BEAUTY! FACE! in the mirror before the paparazzi is called, because his facial expressions are a mess. Sometimes he looks like he just got his braces yanked off with a rusty pair of pliers and other times it looks like a waiting-in-the-wings fart and a jizz bomb are fighting to get out of his body first. Just look at this mess. Patrick is giving us some over-the-shoulder heat (+10 points), but then his face is giving us an “Ah Just Passed A Kidney Stone” look (-400 points).
Before you say, “But Michael, shouldn’t you be analyzing his bouncing bulge instead of his facial expressions,” let me tell your ass that he’s 18 and he’s still got Dennis the Menace hair! I can’t fuck with a bitch who pulls a question mark look on me when I ask him who his favorite Jem! character is. Okay, yes, I can, but only if he lets me put on Twilight in Paris and really listens to the words.
And it’s really nice to see that Emmanuel Lewis is still getting work these days.