When "Move That Cone, I'm Lindsay Lohan!" Doesn't Work The Way It Used To
Lindsay Lohan might be able to get a corner booth at the IHOP on Santa Monica at 3am on a weekday and she might be able to get the middle table at the methadone clinic cafeteria, but her days of dropping her name to get into A-list parties jumped into the grave with her career a long time ago. Bitch still thinks she's a glittering star in the universe that is Hollywood when the fact is that she's a dusty glow-in-the-dark ceiling star that fell to the carpet and no longer glows in the dark. But ho doesn't know that, because Page Six says that she showed up to the party for J. Edgar at the Roosevelt Hotel on Thursday night and the dude at the door hit her with a giant DEEEEEE-NIEEEEEED at first. The line of people behind her probably broke the record for the most THIS BITCH head shakes in one place at the same time.
LiLo is eternally the little cokey who could, because the source says not having an ounce of dignity paid off and she was able to beg her way in. The source went on to say this shit:
“Lindsay was arguing with the security to let her in, dropping every celebrity’s name to get in. She could be heard saying, ‘I have to go and see Leo.’Eventually they let her in, but she made everybody uncomfortable. She was aggressive and random, storming around. She tried to get to Leo, but he was surrounded by his security and a posse of his friends.
Clint and Leo and Dustin Lance Black were talking, and Lindsay sent one of her aides over, demanding to get a photo with them, but security shooed them away.”
LiLo's rep is kept on a steady diet of delusion-tinis by White Oprah, so when asked for a comment they said, “She did not crash, she was invited by a guest who attended the event. I am not aware of her asking for photos with Leo or Clint. She was never asked to leave.”
My first thought about LiLo crashing a party and trying to scoot up to Leonardo DiCatchAHo was that the whole thing is pathetic wrapped in sad wrapped in tragic wrapped in another thick layer of pathetic, but then I really thought about. The two whiskeys I drank last night I paid for using cash from my own wallet. The dozens of whiskeys LiLo probably shoved down her booze hole came from an open bar and I bet you she snatched a few of the bartender's tips before making her way out. So being a shameless mess pays off sometimes.
Note to Hollywood: If you want to keep LiLo out of your parties, have a cash bar only. Bitch is allergic to those.
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I OCD'd the fuck out today and cleaned my house ceiling to floor. Forgot to eat anything till I had dinner guests. Had 3 dirty martini's and I am GOOOOOOOD!
She is all dolled-up and wears a boring sweater... and little else. No wonder she gets denied entrance to celebrity parties.
*Hugs guest while tearing up cause my sweet little baby boys are 9 and 4 already*
Some say this tale is not true, but I'd like to begin with it this evening anyway. It's a fitting point of departure for the argument that I hope to make in this comment, one of the few sober comments that I've ever made on all the blogs and websites to which I am addicted to as I drink my days away as one of the unemployed members of the 99%.
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sorry, we are not one of the 99%. we have jobs and make out way and whatnot. try again.
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There was once a 14th century protestant English radical named John Bradford. He was such a prick in the side of England that he even seemed to offend the queen at the time, Mary Tudor.
The powerful 1% were mean sons of bitches back then, much meaner than today. Today they put you and keep you in the poor house and the debtors' zone. But if you resisted the state back then, they tied you to a stake and burned you alive. In fact, that's exactly how John Bradford was executed.
Well, one somber, sober day while interned in the Tower of London prison, John Bradford saw some other prisoners being led to their own horrible execution and he, allegedly (few can prove this but tradition holds this to be true) uttered these now immortal words:
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there is a very well know name for that in europeon humanities, it's called the Protestant Reformation. It started with Martin Luther in Germany which is, of course, the start of the Luthern Church. And that was the first Protestant Church. And from there King Henry VIII separated from the Roman Catholic Church to form the Church of England which is the Episcopal in the United States.
i have friends who are catholics, but they are kind of foreign to me. anytime anyone starts talking about the blessed virgin mary it is just foreign to me. we dont have mary worship in episcopal churches. that is for heathen catholics. as a matter of fact, even the greek orthodox dont worship mary. i know because i went into a greek orthodox church and they had all kinds of painting of mary and baby jesus and my catholic friend asked if they had a statue of mary, and they told her: lady, we don't have no idolitry of mary, that's not how we operate.
Hey bitches, it's Saturday and I am here, drunk in honor of Blohan. TALK TO ME!
Submitted by guest on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 8:08pm.
My son just turned 21 & he bought his first 6 pak ever today...got carded & loved it.
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Happy Birthday to your baby!
Any A-list celebrity would shun this F list coke whore.
The delusion runs deep with her.
She still thinks she matters.
Blohan, you have been black listed. Deal with it.
This is LiLo?
*rubs eyes and blinks*
She looks great here! I didn't think it was possible!
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WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
Becky & Turt...I had to fight back tears the day we celebrated his bday!! It just went so fast! His 5th bday seems like it was just yesterday.
The last few years we've had wine on special occasions & a beer or two together so I think he'll be ok. He drank a bottle of champagne by himself on his bday...he was so buzzed. Lol! That's the most he's ever had to drink tho.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Why are you lying? Bitch looks like a monster from a Romero flick.
Bitch please.
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Virtue and Talent are obviously overrated.
@Guest
Ahh, the rites of passage of our babies. Are you worried, or do you think he can handle it?
The legal drinking age is 18 here - my youngest is 17 1/2. I'm quietly looking forward to the day that we can all enjoy a glass of wine with dinner.
Submitted by vegetablelollipop on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 7:52pm
hahaha!
Submitted by guest on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 8:08pm.
My son just turned 21 & he bought his first 6 pak ever today...got carded & loved it.
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Lol, aww that is too cute. My little brother turned 21 a few days ago and he went to a bar with his buddies and a DD. It was the highlight of his life so far, lol.
Today is also my mom's bday.
Arlene,
I'm stoned, too.
My son just turned 21 & he bought his first 6 pak ever today...got carded & loved it.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
*waves to Guest*
Hi Bjorky babe!
Thanks for my gift veggie lollipop xo
Hey people how's it goin? Bout to smoke a blunt with my BFF Watching Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle.
Submitted by vegetablelollipop on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 7:52pm.
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Those were sweet. And pretty accurate.
looks like hohan took a bath
Vintage clothes 1920s-1980s http://vintageclothesretro.com
Yeah, it feels a bit like Twilight Zone in here today.
*sits down anyway*
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by vegetablelollipop on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 7:52pm.
With love & thanks to the following
(& with special links as gifts just for you):
Karen Flatts
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Ha, ha, ha!!!!
hi becky. :)
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Wow! I am too dumb for this thread anymore.
*shuffles off to watch Spongebob*
Nice work vegetablelollipop :)
Hello everyone! This our weekend OP?
*settles into comfy chair*
With love & thanks to the following
(& with special links as gifts just for you):
Zedrie
mefunigirl
SANS FARDS
mike
Karen Flatts
humans_off_earth_now
Arlene Machiavelli
Migraineuse
Athina
And to the most wonderful writer:
Michael K.
Sincerely yours,
Brenda
PS: If the links don't work, lemme know.
@Bjork
Great legs and a killer right cross.
Hiya guest!!
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 7:26pm.
Submitted by Karen Flatts on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 7:14pm.
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i am far from a coward or a bully and never disrespect anyone on dlisted. but you are a hot slut who has been posting a while. i love your fucking ass. i dedicate this carpenter song to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdMtAli0J2U
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Ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 6:54pm.
Blohan bores me with her saggy middle aged boobs and bleached horsetail hair extensions straight from the knackery yard. Are these the only bones we have to pick over? Why can't Naomi Campbell swat another maid? What happened to the much anticipated Miley Cyrus rehab stint and/or teen pregnancy? Where have all the celebrity fuck ups gone?
*sigh*
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Naomi still has great legs.
Freckled crab shack doesn't fucking get it. Spoiled rotten by the spotlight and catered-to around every single misstep.
hi turt! *waves*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by vegetablelollipop on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 6:27pm.
Are you fucking kidding with that post? This is dlisted, not the footnotes to some lost David Foster Wallace tome.
I can't see Lilo ever getting sober without White Oprah's emotional support. The problem is White Oprah stands to lose a lot of money if Blohan went away for a long time in a quiet place to deal with her demons.
Hello all.
Charlie..sweet that y'all do that together! I love the girl that does my nail (never an s) & I swear everytime they speak vietnamese to one another they're talking smack about the customer. Bwha.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Hi charlie loves tiger.
What's good? She look like she is dressed like a witch for halloween ctfu
If Clint Eastwood was at the party, Lindsay probably thought she could knock a few hours off that community service..you know...it's still working at a morgue kind of.
Submitted by Karen Flatts on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 7:14pm.
________________
i am far from a coward or a bully and never disrespect anyone on dlisted. but you are a hot slut who has been posting a while. i love your fucking ass. i dedicate this carpenter song to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdMtAli0J2U
Well, I'm here, but I honestly don't know what the fuck is going on, other than she should get the same punishment all of us would get.
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I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.
Submitted by vegetablelollipop on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 6:27pm.
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Damn good post.
I admit, you almost lost me with detailed clit info but I waded through it and you totally redeemed yourself with your post in it's entirety. Your insight is spot on.
You are a kick-ass writer.
Kick. Ass.
She looks unusually (for her) alert in that pic.
Well guess what motherfucker? I picked a fight with you, mostly because I see cowards like you on a daily basis. You and your ilk take the opportunity to piss and moan about those of us who work and feel that women are not equal to men.
Go fuck yourself.
ETA Charlie loves tiger.
Submitted by snotiwpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt
Someone get that girl a belt for that oversized sweater. smh.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 6:50pm.
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i think your point is almost illuminating in that almost everyone who is around people they love who have problems are enablers. they are loving them and helping them get along. but there is definitely a fine line between good help and enabling. that is where 12 steppers and 12 stepper interventionalists really run into problems is trying to explain and reconcile their philosophy of abandoning a person who they also at the same time say is diseased and powerless. makes zero sense.
im not real freaked out about lindsay. i got into 3 or 4 misdemeanor scruffs with the law in my twenties (a very long time ago). and although it is certainly not ideal, it does frequently happen to a certain segment of the population. i think it is all amplified because of who she is. but it really isn't that uncommon. certainly not common for and good girl, but not all that uncommon for a rough adjuster. a fairly good percentage of these people pull out of this and go on to live productive lives. some of them dont
but until then, let's just remember we are all human and we all make missteps and i have money betting that many of you on this board have done things, that if you would have been caught, would have gotten you in hot water also.
"Move that cone; I'm lindsay BLOWhan!" God, that's great; I totally forgot about that one. That could be the one sentence that summarizes her delusional self-important attitude.
Love how she initially got her saggy ass & floppy tits kicked to the curb by security. And, after she gets in, she gets DENIED again and again. She's like an entitled energizer bunny; her self-important delusion keeps going and going...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Submitted by vegetablelollipop on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 6:27pm.
I'd stick with the writing, you're pretty dam good at it.
Blohan bores me with her saggy middle aged boobs and bleached horsetail hair extensions straight from the knackery yard. Are these the only bones we have to pick over? Why can't Naomi Campbell swat another maid? What happened to the much anticipated Miley Cyrus rehab stint and/or teen pregnancy? Where have all the celebrity fuck ups gone?
*sigh*
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 6:50pm.
You know how people become like Lohan. Enablers. We are all enablers.To somebody. For that lazy fuck of a husband, who pretends after 6 years not to know that the dishwasher requires something other than reg. dishwashing liquid.
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wait, it does? That's all I use.... :O
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.