When "Move That Cone, I'm Lindsay Lohan!" Doesn't Work The Way It Used To
Lindsay Lohan might be able to get a corner booth at the IHOP on Santa Monica at 3am on a weekday and she might be able to get the middle table at the methadone clinic cafeteria, but her days of dropping her name to get into A-list parties jumped into the grave with her career a long time ago. Bitch still thinks she's a glittering star in the universe that is Hollywood when the fact is that she's a dusty glow-in-the-dark ceiling star that fell to the carpet and no longer glows in the dark. But ho doesn't know that, because Page Six says that she showed up to the party for J. Edgar at the Roosevelt Hotel on Thursday night and the dude at the door hit her with a giant DEEEEEE-NIEEEEEED at first. The line of people behind her probably broke the record for the most THIS BITCH head shakes in one place at the same time.
LiLo is eternally the little cokey who could, because the source says not having an ounce of dignity paid off and she was able to beg her way in. The source went on to say this shit:
“Lindsay was arguing with the security to let her in, dropping every celebrity’s name to get in. She could be heard saying, ‘I have to go and see Leo.’Eventually they let her in, but she made everybody uncomfortable. She was aggressive and random, storming around. She tried to get to Leo, but he was surrounded by his security and a posse of his friends.
Clint and Leo and Dustin Lance Black were talking, and Lindsay sent one of her aides over, demanding to get a photo with them, but security shooed them away.”
LiLo's rep is kept on a steady diet of delusion-tinis by White Oprah, so when asked for a comment they said, “She did not crash, she was invited by a guest who attended the event. I am not aware of her asking for photos with Leo or Clint. She was never asked to leave.”
My first thought about LiLo crashing a party and trying to scoot up to Leonardo DiCatchAHo was that the whole thing is pathetic wrapped in sad wrapped in tragic wrapped in another thick layer of pathetic, but then I really thought about. The two whiskeys I drank last night I paid for using cash from my own wallet. The dozens of whiskeys LiLo probably shoved down her booze hole came from an open bar and I bet you she snatched a few of the bartender's tips before making her way out. So being a shameless mess pays off sometimes.
Note to Hollywood: If you want to keep LiLo out of your parties, have a cash bar only. Bitch is allergic to those.
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Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 6:04pm
LMAO! Too funny now my gut hurts.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Bjork, escargots are awesome. Saute 'em up with garlic and butter...delish.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
I like snakes (I've never seen one in the wild but I've held several) but slugs, worms, snails I am grossed out by. I like pouring salt on snails and slugs.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Slugs are cool with me. Our neighbor used to pay us 2 cent a pop when we picked them from his yard. (don`t laugh, that`s alot of money when you pick up 30 of those fuckers, at least when you are 5 and it`s the 70`s). We used to put them in a glass-jar, screw it shut and the next day they all exploded and you had slug puree in that jar.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Ugh, I hate slugs. But I do like escargot.
Bjork, LMFAO @ the choreography!!!!
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
I was in Ireland for 5 months (study abroad) and saw a helluva lot of slugs (maybe they like the rain?). They're pretty high up there on the grossness spectrum, but they're easier to kill because they're slow and won't jump after your ass.
blech.
I've lived in apartments for 6-7 years now and until moving to this group house in DC, have never seen a bug. I think it's because my previous roomies always had cats, and our current landlord has a strict NO PETS clause that he won't budge on. Cats do a great job of keeping the buggers away.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
For UBF:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvEuuWtJ7F0
Give the password, UBF. Give it now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV41KzOYJB8
my first reaction is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this bitch..
but i gotta say.. LiLoco looks pretty in that first pic
Eurovision is the shit, you hateful cunts !!! lol. There is no better thing than getting high as a kite and watching Eurovision.
Look at this fucking gem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX_rNEPIgc8
On the roach-topic, the only time i saw in Roach in Germany was on an American Army Base..Why some of those fuckers are called German Roaches is beyond me, I have never seen one in Germany.
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Hmmmmm.... *considers moving to Europe.*
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 6:13pm.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 5:59pm.
I have lived in Europe ten years and I have never seen a roach.
Ever.
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No, but I'm sure you've seen Eurovision. Pick your poison.
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LOL! "Ain't" that da trouf!
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 5:59pm.
I have lived in Europe ten years and I have never seen a roach.
Ever.
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No, but I'm sure you've seen Eurovision. Pick your poison.
Stinky Cupcake.
I made that Lipton soup mix onion dip today (hadn't had it in years and can I say YUMMMMMM!) and I now have gas that is offensive to my dogs! One moved to the other end of the couch, and the other raised his ears at the terrible noise, then headed for the door and has been outside for the last hour.
Yes, I am crude for sharing, but what can I say.
I have lived in Europe ten years and I have never seen a roach.
Ever.
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
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Submitted by TequilaTax on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 7:33am.
I cannot believe I read this whole thread, back to front.
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Back to front? You are sooo gonna get a urinary tract infection that way...CRANBERRY JUICE...and for hygenic purposes, always read a Lohan thread front to back...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Then I guess chocolate covered grasshoppers are out of the question? :P
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! DENIED!!!
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sat, 07/23/2011 -
Is playing a cunt on the internet as satisfying as wanking into your mum's nightie? Because something tells me you'd know all about that.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 3:51pm.
Fancy rats are the cutest little buggers ever, and they don't carry any major amount of diseases either. (At least compared to dogs, cats, etc) Srsly, google them and just melt. They are so cute and very smart.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
@Chapped Ass - not to worry, I keep an epi-pen in all of my purses so I'm covered in case I get stung by a wasp or hornet. Anaphylaxis is VERY scary, and I don't have any desire to go through that again that's for sure.
@Bjork - Ladybugs are pretty adorable, I forgot about them. As long as the buggers are small and non-threatening I'm generally OK with them.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 4:41pm.
Dont forget about bees! They're fuzzy and produce delicious honey that is all sorts of good for you.
I actually am very allergic to wasps and hornets...I got stung multiple times when I was little (my dumb 10-year old ass kicked a bush with a nest in it) and went into anaphylactic shock...got taken to the hospital and i/v'ed with epinephrine, and I was all better. But now I carry that epi-pen at all times, I don't mess around. Allergies are no joke!
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Several years ago I was gardening and stepped right into a fire ant nest! They immediately crawled up my leg and started to bite me. I screamed and ran and jumped into the pool hoping they'll get off me. Then my whole body started to itch and cover in bumps and rashes, my face and eyes started to swell and I started to have problem breathing and my heart started to beat like crazy. My (then) husband drove me to emergency room and they gave me shots and said that I'm allergic to fire ants.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 4:41pm.
Allergies to bee venom is definitely scary. Do you keep any anti-venom type medicine with you in case you get stung by accident? Please don't tell me you work in a gardening center.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 4:37pm.
YES! They can get HUGE and YES they are aggressive but not poisonous. I'm sure the wolf spider I 'met' would have bitten me if I had given it the chance.
I've woken up with spider bites before and they get really red and hurt like hell but so far I've never been bitten by a poisonous spider.
Most spiders don't care about getting into your home until it gets cold. Can't blame them for wanting to escape to a warmer climate but they have to bug up and learn to be strong bugs and not intrude into people's homes.
Dont forget about bees! They're fuzzy and produce delicious honey that is all sorts of good for you.
I actually am very allergic to wasps and hornets...I got stung multiple times when I was little (my dumb 10-year old ass kicked a bush with a nest in it) and went into anaphylactic shock...got taken to the hospital and i/v'ed with epinephrine, and I was all better. But now I carry that epi-pen at all times, I don't mess around. Allergies are no joke!
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
We had a Wolfspider in the house once, that sucker was bigger than my hand. At that time we had a dog, so the puppy went over to investigate, after my husband, that chickenshit, threw a shoe in the general direction, cause he was too scared to get closer. The fucking Wolfspider attacked the dog and bit her in the nose. At first i thought we had to take the dog to the vet, but then I learned (thank you, Internet), that although they bite, it`s like an annoying mosquito-bite and nothing serious like a Brown Recluse-bite. I don`t remember who finally killed that big old thing, but it was laying on our patio for weeks, til the ants finally were able to carry it off..
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
I love ladybugs and fireflies and butterflies. The others can fuck off.
Bjork You, your comment made me laugh so hard!
Honestly, that freaky spider must have been so pissed off stuck in all of those dust bunnies and whatnot. If he/she had eaten all of those cooties and lived to grow larger and angrier...well, I'm sure I wouldn't have lived to tell the tale! That would make a hilarious horror movie, non?
WinterOwl, thank you for making me not feel like such a huge wuss.
There are certain bugs that don't bother me. Hornets are mean and will sting you just because you're in their way but bumble bees are super sweet and I let them flitter about me when I'm in my garden and I'm not afraid of them.
Spiders are beneficial creatures but I wish they'd stay OUTSIDE and not make their way into my home environment and then get all uppity when I want to shoo them out.
I've had so many weird bug problems. Everything from lady bugs to ants to flies. Ants can be a real bitch to get rid of. It took me two years to get rid of the ant problem. There is nothing freakier than waking up in the morning and seeing a swarm of ants gathered about your entire kitchen floor. Freaked me out so bad.
I'm not hating on bugs because like I said, they serve a purpose, but, I just wish they would stay out in nature where they belong. Jayzuz!
Chapped Ass. I wouldn't be able to use the vacuum cleaner after that! I would think that it crawled out and I just wouldn't risk touching it because it probably crawled all over it!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Submitted by Chapped Ass on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 4:09pm.
You did better than I would have. I would have probably called the police, like Martha Stewart did when he dog bit her face.
What if it crawled out of the vacuum bag and what you thought was its weight was really just some heavy dustballs. It might still be in your garage, growing in size and in anger at the injustice it received at your hands.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 3:36pm.
Bjork, the fur silences the crunch-sound when you smash them with a Swiffer.
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I. would. die. And all that pus that will ooze out of their fat torso? A few legs still moving reflexively?
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 3:57pm.
Allllllllllrighty then but I'm sure to get laughed off of dlisted for being this much of a wuss.
Here's my wolf spider story:
One fine evening, I came home from a particularly hard day and flipped on the lights in my kitchen and low and behold there was this giant (I'm not exaggerating, I'm talking HUGE) wolf spider looking at me.
This spider had a smaller body than a tarantula but had almost the same leg-span as a tarantula.
So, this little focker stares me down with his beady little kazillion eyes and charges at me. CHARGES AT ME! I ran and got my vacuum cleaner and charged back at him with the vacuum hose attachment and sucked him up. I was so freaked that I stuck my vacuum cleaner in the garage for a week to make sure he was dead before I even dared change the vacuum cleaner bag.
Yes, I'm a certified chicken-sh*t when it comes to spiders and other creepy crawlies.
You may all commence with laughing at my wussitude now.
I've heard about those Floridian water bugs. And wolf spiders? Jesus.
I once stomped on a water bug. My sister dared me to. I had combat boots on and put 2 rugs over the bug first because I didn't want to feel it under me. I even covered my ears. I STILL HEARD the crunch!!!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Submitted by Chapped Ass on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 3:49pm.
Bug talk? I have a wolf spider story but I feel guilty going off topic so I better not and instead I'll say:
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Seeing as the Lohan family is really a more developed subspecies of cockroach, it's not really as off topic as you think....
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
You should see the monster roaches we have here in South Florida. The most disgusting ones are the cockroaches with zebra stripes. Freaky.
Rats are kind of cute. Too bad they carry so many diseases, but I'd rather see a rat than most bugs any day.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Bug talk? I have a wolf spider story but I feel guilty going off topic so I better not and instead I'll say:
Lindsay
Lindsay
Lindsay
Lindsay
Lindsay
There.
Wait.
FRECKLES
FRECKLES
FRECKLES
Teef
Teef
Teef
Weave
Weave
Weave
Tits
Tits
Tits
OK
Done.
Anyway, wolf spiders are really vicious, brave, creepy, hairy mofos and they will STAND YOU DOWN. They are not afraid of humans which is what makes them extra creepy. Most bugs freak out if you disturb them but not wolf spiders. Oh no. Those little eight-legged freaks will come right at you and jump at you.
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 3:26pm.
Bjork, I'm with you in preferring rats to roaches.
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same here. I think I'd rather have some paranormal shit than roaches. bugs paralyze me and turn me into a crazed freak...can't.
LaChaylo
parissucksliterally
kokoskitten
HAHAHA. I need a girl who I will never love, support, or marry to get knocked up by accident and have my baby. That's cool right?
Bjork, the fur silences the crunch-sound when you smash them with a Swiffer.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Tarantulas. Why do they have to have that fur?
Team Rats over Roaches. We had waterbugs when we were living in Military Housing. There is nothing scarier than a waterbug flying towards you. They actually make me gag when i see them. I still step on them. Thank God we don`t have any where we live now. The other day i thought i saw a dead frog in the road until i drove up closer and it was a BIG FUCKING ASS TARANTULA. Now that was a fucking Monster!
*voms*
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
I don't think I've ever heard of roaches in this neck of the woods -- but we have snakes, which are a different kind of terrifying.
Just thinking about how fast they whip across the ground makes me cringe.
Bjork, I'm with you in preferring rats to roaches.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
I like to eat lobster, and try to downplay their arachnid origins.
@ Bjork, Hoot, Hoot, Hooters!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Migraneuse - ugh that is awful and disgusting. I have a terrible fear of big insects that causes almost paralysis and all I can do is run out of the room and hope it goes away. I can't even approach it with a shoe. But apparently it's not so irrational after all...humans are hardwired to be skittish around creepy crawlies, because our ancestors died from so many diseases that were transmitted by bugs (The More You Know!).
Well, that's what boyfriends are for...I just have mine kill the sprickets in exchange for dinner and sexual favors. haha
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Hoot, hoot Owl.