When “Move That Cone, I’m Lindsay Lohan!” Doesn’t Work The Way It Used To

November 5, 2011 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan might be able to get a corner booth at the IHOP on Santa Monica at 3am on a weekday and she might be able to get the middle table at the methadone clinic cafeteria, but her days of dropping her name to get into A-list parties jumped into the grave with her career a long time ago. Bitch still thinks she’s a glittering star in the universe that is Hollywood when the fact is that she’s a dusty glow-in-the-dark ceiling star that fell to the carpet and no longer glows in the dark. But ho doesn’t know that, because Page Six says that she showed up to the party for J. Edgar at the Roosevelt Hotel on Thursday night and the dude at the door hit her with a giant DEEEEEE-NIEEEEEED at first. The line of people behind her probably broke the record for the most THIS BITCH head shakes in one place at the same time.

LiLo is eternally the little cokey who could, because the source says not having an ounce of dignity paid off and she was able to beg her way in. The source went on to say this shit:

“Lindsay was arguing with the security to let her in, dropping every celebrity’s name to get in. She could be heard saying, ‘I have to go and see Leo.’

Eventually they let her in, but she made everybody uncomfortable. She was aggressive and random, storming around. She tried to get to Leo, but he was surrounded by his security and a posse of his friends.

Clint and Leo and Dustin Lance Black were talking, and Lindsay sent one of her aides over, demanding to get a photo with them, but security shooed them away.”

LiLo’s rep is kept on a steady diet of delusion-tinis by White Oprah, so when asked for a comment they said, “She did not crash, she was invited by a guest who attended the event. I am not aware of her asking for photos with Leo or Clint. She was never asked to leave.

My first thought about LiLo crashing a party and trying to scoot up to Leonardo DiCatchAHo was that the whole thing is pathetic wrapped in sad wrapped in tragic wrapped in another thick layer of pathetic, but then I really thought about. The two whiskeys I drank last night I paid for using cash from my own wallet. The dozens of whiskeys LiLo probably shoved down her booze hole came from an open bar and I bet you she snatched a few of the bartender’s tips before making her way out. So being a shameless mess pays off sometimes.

Note to Hollywood: If you want to keep LiLo out of your parties, have a cash bar only. Bitch is allergic to those.

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