Beyonce was supposed to announce the sex of her unborn ball of infinite golden light by shooting out of a pink diamond-encrusted cannon into a ring of pink fireworks as water dancers wearing pink mermaid tails swim in a pool of pink champagne while spelling out the words “IT’S A GIRL!” with glitter-dipped pink flamingo legs, but that’s not going to happen anymore. Destroy the cannon, kill the water dancers and drain the pool, because Kelly Rowland has ruined it for everybody.
During an interview with Bang Showbiz (via People) on Thursday night, Kelly let everyone know in so many words that the case covering Beyonce’s pillow baby is light pink and covered with tiny rhinestone vaginas. Here’s the words that made Tina Knowles scream out, “I should’ve snipped that traitor tramp’s tongue while I had the chance!” over her cauldron in the witching room of the House of Dereon:
“I have no idea what I’m going to buy Beyoncé at the baby shower because Jay is going to buy that little girl every single thing possible.”
Kelly Rowland is a judge on the UK’s X-Factor, is the biggest star in Liechtenstein, or some shit, and was very close to earning a permanent “Stay Out Of The Basement” card. But then she had to go and fuck it all up. X-Factor will replace her with another one of Destiny’s children any day now and her name will be erased from iTunes FOREVER! The only time you’ll be able to hear her voice is when you put your ear up to the basement window at the end of the night to her hear sing “Castle on a Cloud” with Basement Baby.
Here’s Beyonce smiling a “that bitch is gonna get it” smile while walking to some building in NYC yesterday.