I don’t know how you fly your eyebrows at half-staff, but we should all find a way, because an iconic pair attached to a cranky poet and legendary American curmudgeon has gone off to the great big messy office in the sky where all the mixed nuts are whole and all the water is slutty. Andy Rooney’s angel wing brows have spread and he has flown up to the afterworld, while complaining the entire way, at the age of 92. Andy died in a NYC hospital last night from complications following a minor surgery. Andy semi-retired 6 weeks ago after giving his 1,097th and final verbal bitch slap to America on 60 Minutes.
As a cranky bitch who can’t wait until I truly have no more fucks to give, this wraps the sads around my heart. One of my rituals every Sunday before Amazing Race was to watch Andy complain about some shit I didn’t even know was possible for people to complain about. I mean, he moaned and bitched about coins! Sometimes Andy was right. Sometimes Andy was wrong. Sometimes Andy said some crazy shit. Sometimes Andy made sense. But throughout all of that Andy continued to have no spare fucks to give about what you thought about his complaining. For that, I thank Andy! And now I leave you with a few quotes from one of the great American grouches:
“I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.”
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
“Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.”
“Death is a distant rumor to the young.”
Rest in peace, Andy. We’ll pour one out for you today and then wave our fists while complaining about the mess we made.
via CBS News