JLo’s days are already packed with crying out choreographed glycerin tears on American Idol, cultivating herself as the greatest beard to ever wrap around Bradley Cooper’s chin, hawking cars that cost less than her polar bear fur tampons, and now she’s adding something else to her schedule: RUINING CARMEN SANDIEGO! That sentence was the knife that just went into your childhood’s stomach. If those assholes greenlight a movie version of the Legend of Zelda starring Justin Bieber, just end my childhood for good by beating it in the head with a gold Nintendo cartridge (I thought that was some fancy shit when I was kid).
Back in the 90s, Sandra Bullock was supposed to throw on a red trench as Carmen and that would’ve been a special kind of awful too. But now it’s in JLo’s shit-turning fingers! The good news is that JLo hasn’t signed on to star yet, but the bad news is that she’s going to produce it. Here’s hoping that JLo does the right thing by casting Beyonce since that bitch really knows how to steal.
Here’s the details on that mess from Deadline:
The hope is to turn the property into National Treasure meets The Thomas Crown Affair. The logline: When the ACME agency’s greatest detective Carmen Sandiego becomes the world’s greatest thief, it’s up to her former partner to follow her clues and track her down. Their cat-and-mouse game leads the partner to confront a greater mystery: Is Carmen really a thief or a hero? The property originated as an educational computer game before it was turned into an animated TV series.
The only good thing that will come out of a Carmen Sandiego movie is the resurrection of Rockapella:
And here’s JLo playing What In The World Am I Wearing? while walking around Argentina today.