Three Reasons For Why Courtney Stodden's Mom Should Win Mother Of The Year

Krista Keller, the woman who birthed the gorgeous skank-glazed lizard tongue with plastic lips that is Courtney Stodden, talked to The Daily Beast about the daughter she sold to Horace from Lost and everything she says is completely logical and not at all wrapped around a tiny piece of a bull's shit. When the PedoBear Awards roll around again this year, I really hope the mistress of ceremonies, Selena Gomez, rips the Mother of the Year trophy out of White Oprah's cold, sedated hands and gives it to Krista Keller. Krista has earned it for saying these three things:

1. Krista kept her teen daughter from the dangers of dying in an underage drunken car crash by giving her to a 51-year-old creep who looks like a bottom of the barrel Billy Bob Thornton impersonator with factory defective hair plugs. Krista feels calm knowing that her daughter is licking lude residue off of the bathroom tiles instead of drinking wine coolers behind the bleachers.

"These people that say, ‘You could have waited,' I really don't understand this way of thinking. Why do parents think that kids need to have those teen years spent going out with different boys, going out in different cars, going out on the beach together alone? There's a lot of bad stuff that happens in those teen years. They end up being killed in car crashes due to driving with people that have been drinking. Oh, but they're gonna have their teen years. My daughter is safe. I know where my daughter is."

2. Krista always knew that her daughter was just too much woman and condensed sex for just any man. That is why a 51-year-old man who is obviously gayer than a pink flaming sliding down a rainbow is perfect for her. That was served with absolutely zero sarcasm. I'm sure Doug is the one who knew that accentuating Courtney's natural beauty with clear bra strips and frosted pink lipstick was the way to go. Doug knows what's best!

"I could really tell my daughter had the kind of love when you want to marry a man or be with a man. Even though she was just 16, I knew it was going to take a pretty big man to handle her because of her sexuality and because of the attention she gets."

3. Krista thinks her daughter is a lesbian assistant and an overdose away from becoming gay icon Anna Nicole Smith.

"The gay community has been so loving to her. I know that Anna Nicole Smith had a great rapport with the gay community, and I think they've been waiting to have someone they can connect with, and I think Courtney is that person. She is different and stands out. Frankly, we thought she'd fit in better in Hollywood."

Courtney is like John Waters' answer to Shauna Sand, so Krista gets no objections about the gay icon thing from me.

And if you need more evidence, go to Radar to see pictures of a SANS FARDS Courtney looking like she just woke up from being passed out on the train tracks all night. Her chest wearing every bra in her dresser.... Her morning fresh face that looks like she just had dental work while getting beat with a bag of meth.... The poop rainbows over her chichis.... BEAUTY finally has a name.

via Jezebel

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by HangryHippo on Sun, 11/06/2011 - 7:05pm.

terrifying! terrible! awful! so upsetting. someone needs to get this girl real help.

www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack

Submitted by mikki on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 9:43am.

And I am pretty sure that arm band is to cover up the patch of whatever "mommy" and "pedo-hubby" are using to keep her drugged out of her mind.

Submitted by mikki on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 9:40am.

Submitted by LA on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:45pm.
Mother looks younger than daughter, daughter looks like a man.

And the "hubby" looks like a middle aged lesbian.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 7:50am.

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 9:19am.

LMFAO!
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 7:50am.

http://i518.photobucket.com/albums/u349/CharIatan/Animated%20GIFs/Explod...

http://fav.me/d1uelwj

Submitted by Dog on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 4:22am.

Aw, thanks for not having me committed, you guys! ♥

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by not shocked on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:13pm.

so mamma wants her daughter to be represented by her creepy husband who is probably already conspiring with another creepy dr. feelgood physician to get this girl addicted to opiates and die asphixiating on her own vomit of vanilla slimfast so he can cash in on any famewhoring or assets???

I picture her fridge looking like anna nicole's one day

http://photos.commongate.com/11/33623_k9hagxk4wz_m.jpg

Submitted by justincase on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:11pm.

So basically she is telling the world that her child is an over-sexed little freak who is better off with the pervert mommy knows than all the others her daughter knows. SAD.

Submitted by freshh66 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 8:48pm.

"The WhiteOprahnator" that is per-FECTION!
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"What bakery is this?"
"Zed's Bread baby, Zed's Bread."

Submitted by Migraineuse on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 8:38pm.

Freshh66: The WhiteOprahnator?

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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo

Submitted by jelliebean on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 7:47pm.

Can they hold the PedoBear Mother of the Year Award in the pumpkin patch?
The moms can hold a skankmychild pose off: they have to position their daughters in so many sexually explicit poses showing off their assets in the skankiest lingerie possible in the shortest amount of time. Whoever gets kicked out of the patch by disgusted viewers first, wins.
"Only PP can show the junior famewhores like Courtney Stodden how to really set fire to the pumpkin patch!" - MK

Submitted by freshh66 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 7:47pm.

Dina Lohan isnt a real mother. She's a cyborg sent from hell to punish us all with the meth creature we call "lindsay".
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"What bakery is this?"
"Zed's Bread baby, Zed's Bread."

Submitted by Kandykane on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 7:09pm.

Hellishly hideously delusional.

Submitted by hotpocket on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 5:51pm.

Translation: I know my daughter's a slut so I sold her to the highest bidder online before she got knocked up at a high school kegger and was stuck living in our house forever. The nice gay man who bought her told us he'd make her a star, and she's on the TV now.

Submitted by letinstar on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 5:39pm.

jesus christ! how old is courtney claiming to be again? her mother looks younger than she does...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 5:38pm.

Who fking talks like that (besides Milo and Papa simp - fking ill) about their daughter??!? FFS WHYY??? Damn, just goddang STFU DAMNIT.

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"Tear up the Introduction! I don't hear enough rips!! This is a battle! Words and ideas CAN change the world. Poetry, Beauty, Romance, Love - these, we stay alive for." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VUV2Yl8gsI&feature=related -Dead Poets So

Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 5:11pm.

Krista's first reason is terrifyingly close to that given by Jozef Fritzl as to why he imprisoned his daughter in the cellar for 24 years.
Very scary.

HB to Lulu!

Submitted by Migraineuse on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 4:54pm.

Submitted by freshh66 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 5:10pm.

Any real mother no matter how fucked up wouldn't subject their daughter to this kind of shitstorm.

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Dina. Lohan.

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Submitted by Grace Disful on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 4:10pm.

The gay community is not "waiting for someone to connect with" they already have M4M!!! Tripping!

I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.

Submitted by unemployed_bum on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:53pm.

Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:22pm.
There's something about him that I find hot, dammit
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Its okay, Dog. I was down in the "I heart Doug" dumps once too. Just remember, this too shall pass.

Submitted by Terri on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:45pm.

Damn..I just noticed Courtney looks older than her mother.

Submitted by freshh66 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:42pm.

This will be the same woman playing it up for the paps when her "baby" OD's on meth. "we just started mixin' it with her diet pills to keep her thin for the pagents... I never saw it comin'! Can you get this side, its my good side." -.- fuckery I say!

"What bakery is this?"
"Zed's Bread baby, Zed's Bread."

Submitted by freshh66 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:40pm.

I dont think its a mother-daughter relationship, more of a greedy-bitch/Naive money maker. Any real mother no matter how fucked up wouldn't subject their daughter to this kind of shitstorm. My mother and I had a sort of BFF relationship but there were still boundaries. This woman has NONE.

"What bakery is this?"
"Zed's Bread baby, Zed's Bread."

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:33pm.

I'm getting a Brittany Murphy vibe from this trio.

I love my mother and we are something like friends mow, but I DO NOT understand the kind of ultra closeness that some moms and daughters have where the mother hangs out with the married couple all the time. I LIKE that my mother has her own life and she doesn't try to get all in my business. I think it's weird and damaging when a mother still has her claws in her adult children's lives.

I'm not talking about closeness. But that kind where the mother (or child) can't let go.

Although in all fairness, Courtney is supposedly still a child.

Submitted by the_shari-est on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:30pm.

I've figured out the Courtney hoax!!!!

They never mention her FATHER, right? Cause that IS the father! The real kid is off living with relatives in Wisconsin and using her mother's maiden name. Mom and Dad cooked this whole weird thing up and after they get a reality show, Dad will write a book about the truth and how he wanted to showcase the issues facing teens and parents in today's celebrity addicted society.

You're welcome hahahaha!

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"Peachy with a side of keen, that would be me"

Submitted by urmomma on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:30pm.

I have come to the conclusion that I just don't give a rat's ass about these folks. I just want them sterilized. Now. Fuckin' freaks...and not in a good way.

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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK

Submitted by freshh66 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:13pm.

Now really. I NEVER saw a teen that looked so late eighties. The cheap kind. Why is she so badly dressed???

Because she's been locked away in a basement living off of Whitesnake albums and Married with Children re-runs. Poor kid never had a chance.

"What bakery is this?"
"Zed's Bread baby, Zed's Bread."

Submitted by missskitttin on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:07pm.

Now really. I NEVER saw a teen that looked so late eighties. The cheap kind. Why is she so badly dressed???

Submitted by babybunny on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:01pm.

without makeup this whore looks to be about 51, with makeup a decent 48...sorry, but when you are a teenager you have an innocence and roundness to your face this whore has neither and DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT DRAGGING ANNA NICOLE INTO THIS FUCKERY...HOW DARE YOU!!! ANNA WAS GORGEOUS, FAT, SKINNY...FUCKED UP...SIMPLY GORGEOUS..Courtney ain't no nothing...nothing but a Goddess for Igauana's to worship. Her mom is actually more fucked up than Pimp Mamma Kris and that other useless skanks WO...they all suck, but this woman is slightly more deluded than the other two...at least Kim Whoretrashian and Hohan are somewhat good looking...Courtney is just ugly white trash to the core...and girl, please do not go out in public without makeup on..you scared my puppeh and that is truly unforgiveable!!!

Submitted by Bree on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:59pm.

What an insult to the gay community. They definitely have way better taste.

"My daughter is so sexual I decided to let her marry a 50-something-year-old pervert who could handle her."

Yeah. Nobody sees anything wrong with that.

Submitted by freshh66 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:53pm.

She might have been 17 and he met her (got drunk) and she fucked him in the no-no. Mama heard this and blackmailed ole man into thrusting her daughter into stardom... hey someones gotta pay for her fashionable k-mart pumps. It's like a fucked up version of "Fancy".

Submitted by Slurpee on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:51pm.

Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:22pm.
There's something about him that I find hot, dammit.

_________________________

Bad dog! Bad dog!

Submitted by Migraineuse on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:48pm.

Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:22pm.

There's something about him that I find hot, dammit.

_______________________________________

I sympathize. I really do. He's not hot to me, but I used to have a tiny crush on that Brandon Davis "Fat Elvis" dude. Oh God that was embarrassing. The Dlisters were very supportive and understanding though.

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Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:34pm.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:33pm.

Thanks EC!

Submitted by itsthebritneybitch on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:59pm.

I hear what your saying but really in the grand scheme of things we have the choice to ignore these people if we want to. For every fame whore out there that actually makes news there's thousands of wannabes who never make it to famewhore status.

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Submitted by mike on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:33pm.

Submitted by rocklobster on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:39pm.

I cannot decide who's the worst: Dina, Kris J or this bitch.

Kris J wins by a mile.

Submitted by christine the hoff on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:30pm.

Wow. today had everything, lohan, kardashian, now this bitch. we can all die happy.

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I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.

Submitted by itsthebritneybitch on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:29pm.

That man is disgusting and so is the dumb bitch mother. Before, you'd see these whores on Jenny Jones for about 10 minutes, now, we are subjected to their foolery on a daily basis. The sad thing is, more and more of these wackos are surfacing and trying to outdo each other in how ridiculous they can be to get a reality TV show or some publicity. Why go to school, have thousands of dollars in school loan debts, and then struggle to find a job after graduation when you can get peed on and film a sex tape, marry some older gay man at 16, or act like an orange oompa loompa idiot on a beach shore and make THOUSANNNDSSSS of dollars and have a bunch of fans and admirers? The sad thing is that these people actually have FANNSSS? WTF? They actually had Snooki as the guest speaker at a college graduation!! Seriously, WTF?

Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:06pm.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:09pm.
"My daughter is safe. I know where my daughter is."

Surely these people are trolling in real life

IKR? This has to be some elaborate prank. Guessing how stupid it is, I'm guessing it's produced by Ashton Kutcher.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:03pm.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 3:09pm.
Oh yes she is Aphrodite alright...oops I meant Herm-Aphrodite.

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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Submitted by Rdeadline on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 2:00pm.

I now believe Courney was a male at some point and this whole thing is campy as hell. I mean, why would a young girl want to look like an 80's video vixen unless she wants to be a sex pot for forty and older guys?

Submitted by treesis on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:58pm.

Courtnaynay looks as old as her mom, fo realz.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:55pm.

Well, this explains a great deal. I know when I have kids, I'll point to Anna Nicole as the EXACT person they should try and emulate.

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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:52pm.

There's something about him that I find hot, dammit.

*hides*

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:50pm.

This "mother" must hide her horns, forked tongue, and pointed tail very well.

Yeah, the spaz facial expressions are a definite channeling of ANS. How sad is it when you want your daughter to emulate a blowsy, hillbilly, empty-headed, sad trainwreak of a person who was half out of her mind on drugs, had a kid die, had a small baby, and fricking OD'd????

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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:45pm.

What do you call the bit of skin on the end of a man's dick?

A: Courtney Stodden.

---I *know* he mustn't look at her face often, but it's really REALLY awful. Stodden even makes Kendra Wilkinson look demure and pretty.

Submitted by Coffy73 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:41pm.

It wouldn't surprise me if this isn't a hard-faced tranny. I've never seen a "teenager" look this damn OLD, even the ones who've been through a lot.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:39pm.

Oh yes she is Aphrodite alright...oops I meant Herm-Aphrodite.

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Submitted by Granny Clampett on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:28pm.

She's not 16. She's not a female. They're not married. This is a damn publicity stunt...THey really must think we're stupid if they're trying to prepetuate this "sexy teen bride married to and old guy" thing.

"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West

Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:27pm.

Oh don't tell me they're watching old Anna Nicole tapes....it would explain her weirdo mouth movement I guess. Anyway without the tranny makeup she sure is blahh.

Submitted by chewinsmoke on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:24pm.

There simply are NO WORDS for this.

*smdh*

"My pug is smarter than your honor student."