Kim Kardashian is canceling the rest of her Australian press tour (“YAY!” – Australia) and coming back to the US (“BOO!” – The US), because the black hole in her chest is filling up with sadness and she can no longer go on doing whatever it is she does for money. Yes, it must be hard cracking the strings of Botox in your face by projecting a sad when on the inside you’re creaming about how much attention your stupid ass is getting. Bitch, sad harder. Kim looked more genuinely sad about almost losing her $75,000 diamond earring than she does about her marriage ending.
Both UsWeekly and TMZ report that Swisse vitamins marquee paid Kim $150,000 to represent them at the Melbourne Cup Carnival this Saturday, but she let them know that she and Khloe aren’t going to be there. Some source says that Kim told them, “I need to take care of me now, and I can’t work for awhile.”
We have finally found Kim’s other talent besides scam artistry. Kim is a master at making laughs! She needs to “take care of me now” and can’t “work” for awhile? The day that Kim takes care of anybody other than Kim is the day that I actually make a morning piss without hitting the bathroom tiles (I’m re-enlisting in potty training classes, don’t worry). The day that Kim does something that actually counts as real work is the day that I don’t watch European gay porn while eating white cheddar Cheez-Its (It’s like scratch-and-taste porn).
Oh, Kim, pretending to be sad has turned you into a regular fucking laugh machine. And speaking of laughs, click here to see a scene straight out of Khloezilla Takes Australia . A camera falls on her head!
That look of sheer revenge in Khloe’s eyes. Why do I have a feeling that later that night, the pap was overheard screaming in his backyard, “A Khloe ate my baby!”
Here’s some pictures of Kim and Khloe promoting their dumb purse line at a mall today. If your child cries while meeting a Kardashian and it isn’t because they’re afraid one of those skanks’ fat asses is going to swallow them whole, CPS should take them away from you.