It’s pretty obvious that Philip Treacy is a hat-making sadomasochist (hatomasochist?) who cackles himself into a jizz bust from seeing rich ass celebrities wearing a swirl of WHAT THE SHIT? designed by him on top of their heads. Philip could sew his label into a KKK cone covered in bedazzled possum shit and fancy bitches would still trip over each other to get their hands on it. I mean, look at Sarah Jessica Parker at the VRC Oaks Club Ladies Luncheon in Melbourne. Bitch has a giant black sperm on top of her head! Now, my ass says a Dionne Warwick prayer every day for black sperm to fall on top of my head, but I don’t know if SJP does. If you step back and let your imagination roll around in the gutter, that bitch’s hat almost looks like a Dune slug 69ing a shiny black sperm. I think I love Philip Treacy for this.
You know who I don’t love? The audience at the VRC Oaks Club Ladies Luncheon. When SJP is sitting there with a serpent-like thing over her head, it is your duty to scream at her, “THERE’S A NO-EYED SNAKE ON YOUR HEAD!” Philip Treacy will blow you an air kiss as the room fills with echoing neighs and dust from fast-moving hooves.