The last time Lindsay Lohan was in court, her face looked like the shit-stained ass cheeks of a 99-year-old zombie and today she actually cleaned up and gave us a little “Madonna in Shanghai Surprise” glamour. The effect must’ve sprinkled some sugar on top of Judge Stephanie, because the judge who usually makes all of the Lohan roaches scatter by bringing down her gavel hard on their main cokewinner went soft today. Judge Stephanie ordered LiLo to just 30 days in jail for violating her probation, but she’ll probably just serve 6 due to that overcrowding shit we keep hearing about. LiLo’s tattered roast beef curtains and Cisco Adler titties have to pose for Playboy’s camera again this week, so Judge Stephanie gave her a full 7 days to turn herself in.
The Downtown Women’s Center made it clear that they don’t want LiLo back, so the judge is making her complete all of her community service at the morgue. I’m guessing LiLo does well around a bunch of rotting corpses, because the morgue wants her to stay but they asked the judge to tell her to stop Tweeting about them (HA!). When LiLo sashays out of jail after sitting in a cell for a quick minute, she has to complete 12 days of community service and 4 hours of therapy by December 14th. Then she’ll have to do another 12 days of community service by January 17th, etc… etc… If Lilo finishes all of her community service by March 29th, her probation is done. If she doesn’t, the judge is supposed to throw her in the chokey for a full 270 days but we all know how that works.
Why can’t the court just put everyone out of their misery and give LiLo a free pass since that’s basically what they’re doing. Just let that crazy bitch go snortin’ crazy without punishment or throw her on top of a jail cell mattress for the next million years. All this pretend “You’re going to go jail next time, I mean it!” shit is just a waste of time. At this point, the court is telling the public that if they want to get away with fucking up over and over again, they just have to glue plastic slugs over their mouth and change their last name to Lohan.