PETA Isn’t Happy With Reese Witherspoon For Carrying A Python Purse

Reese Witherspoon’s Chloe Paraty bag (yes, we’re leaving in a world where purses have first and last names) costs more than a thousand delicious McGymMats and it also is the reason why a python was tortured, skinned and killed. The last part is what made the professional statement makers at PETA release a statement directed at Jake Gyllenhaal’s former face warmer.

The $4,000 bag can’t be sold in California, because selling anything made with python is illegal in the state, but carrying anything made of python is not. (Note: For those of you who are sick of heaving over the staged photos that Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison sell to the photo agencies, that California law might be of interest to you. You know, because Courtney’s face definitely has some kind of python in it.)

PETA verbally threw a bucket of red paint at Reese’s bag and then described in detail to the Daily Mail how pythons are skinned.

“No matter how much Reese paid for that bag, the animals paid a much higher price. Every year, millions of snakes are impaled on hooks or nailed to trees by their heads and skinned alive.

Hoses are inserted into the mouths of large snakes—like pythons—and their bodies are pumped full of water to loosen their skin so that it will cut away more easily. The animals’ peeled, writhing bodies are then discarded, and it often takes days for the animals to die from the effects of shock and dehydration.

We can’t imagine that she’d wish to contribute to this hidden suffering, especially for something as frivolous as a fashion accessory that can be replicated with no bloodshed. These days, it’s easy to have a look that kills without killing, with fake snake, mock croc, python pleather, and other designer items that pay tribute to the beauty of these animals without massacring them.”

So, I guess PETA is taking back that Sexiest Vegetarian award they gave Reese a few years back.

One of my old co-workers, who didn’t own one handbag, convinced me that carrying a purse is completely useless because: a) God gave her an all-natural money clip (read: her titty cleavage); b) The bottom of a purse is where sticks of gum are crushed and murdered; c) A purse is a beacon for thieving thieves and d) When she gets fired from a job, she has one less thing to carry during the walk of shame to her Honda. So because of this, spending $4,000 on a purse that doesn’t serve a dual purpose (examples: pistol purse, umbrella bag, wine purse, etc…) is a waste of cash to me.

And to be fair to Reese, if she was out in the wild, she’d probably be able to kill, skin and purse-ify a python with her chin. So, there’s that.