This video about something you will never care about is War & Peace long and further confirms Madge as the most underrated thespian since Howard the Duck, but it must be seen since this is the first time I’ve ever heard Lourdes’ voice! I was not expecting Lourdes to make that sound, but then again I’m not even sure what sound I was expecting. Maybe a high-pitched fake British squeak followed by the words, “HELP! HELP! That Kabbalah bruja’s got a boy toy graveyard in our basement! HELP! HELP!”
This mess of a video is very educational, because we learned that Lourdes did not inherit her mother’s completely natural British tongue and she also did not inherit her mother’s inability to even play herself on camera. Luckily for Lourdes, the “talk like a pretentious cuntwaffle” gene and the “can’t act worth shit” gene skipped a generation.
Speaking of children of celebrities speaking for the first time, when is Apple going to get it together and finally make Suri Cruise the voice, face and EVERYTHING of Siri? Unless…. Suri IS Siri and she’s collecting all of our drunk questions to use against us when Xenu lands on Earth and we’re forced to choose sides. Excuse me while I retrieve my blown mind from across the room.