Michael Lohan Gives Dumb A Bad Name

If a worm shit directly into Michael Lohan’s ear, the inside of his head would produce better ideas than the ball of mashed cold dumb in there does. This cut turd out of a turtle’s ass was put into handcuffs by the Tampa, FL police two days ago for threatening to throw his sometime girlfriend Kate Major off of a fourth floor balcony after she refused to suck his jerky dick and guess what happened again this morning? TMZ reports that just 12 hours after the dumbest bitch alive, seen below at the bail bondsman yesterday, was released from jail he called Kate Major even though the judge told him not to.

Kate contacted the police from her apartment in Tampa early this morning after she claims Michael kept burning up her cell phone by calling over and over again. The police went to interview Kate at her apartment in person and while they were there Michael called again. The police immediately went down to his hotel to arrest him for violating a condition of his release.

The last time Michael was arrested, he faked chest pains and tried to escape from the hospital when the police weren’t looking. So of course, Michael was not going to disappoint us and he busted out another buffoonery move. Michael tried to escape from the police by jumping off of his third story balcony. Since Darwin is always trying to give us a laugh, Michael landed on a tree, fucking up his foot. Trees: 1 Lohans: ZERO!

Michael is currently in the hospital getting his foot looked at and while he’s there they should also hook a colostomy bag up to his head to pump out all of the stupid in there. Michael will also be charged with resisting arrest once he gets to the police station. Kate said this to TMZ about the whole thing:

“I am sick of being lied about by Michael Lohan Sr.’s false allegations about his continual physical and mental abuse toward me.”

Obviously the judge was correct when questioning if he could ‘read.’

He has no regard for the justice system. He can beat up women but Mr. tough guy who slurred his words calling me 5 times after getting out of jail wasn’t too tough by jumping off a 3rd floor balcony into a tree to try to flee from going back to the same jail he just got released from less than 12 hours ago”

Maybe they have phonics books in jail!”

Just a couple of days ago, this charbroiled twat was threatening to throw a trick off of a fourth floor balcony and now he’s the one who fell off of a balcony. If you brought me a dark-sided CROC and said to me, “Michael, meet Karma,” I’d still lick every inch of it as a thank you, because this is just too too perfect. Michael is like a soothsaying dumb fuck. Whatever he threatens to do to a bitch, happens to him a couple days later. Oh, Michael, please threaten to drown Kate in a pig’s shit puddle if she doesn’t wrap her mouth around the grossness that is your dick. Then on Saturday morning, we’ll all gather around a pig’s shit puddle with our happy faces on. You bring the popcorn.

And FARK can officially change their Florida tag to a Lohan tag.