Michael Lohan Gives Dumb A Bad Name

If a worm shit directly into Michael Lohan's ear, the inside of his head would produce better ideas than the ball of mashed cold dumb in there does. This cut turd out of a turtle's ass was put into handcuffs by the Tampa, FL police two days ago for threatening to throw his sometime girlfriend Kate Major off of a fourth floor balcony after she refused to suck his jerky dick and guess what happened again this morning? TMZ reports that just 12 hours after the dumbest bitch alive, seen below at the bail bondsman yesterday, was released from jail he called Kate Major even though the judge told him not to.

Kate contacted the police from her apartment in Tampa early this morning after she claims Michael kept burning up her cell phone by calling over and over again. The police went to interview Kate at her apartment in person and while they were there Michael called again. The police immediately went down to his hotel to arrest him for violating a condition of his release.

The last time Michael was arrested, he faked chest pains and tried to escape from the hospital when the police weren't looking. So of course, Michael was not going to disappoint us and he busted out another buffoonery move. Michael tried to escape from the police by jumping off of his third story balcony. Since Darwin is always trying to give us a laugh, Michael landed on a tree, fucking up his foot. Trees: 1 Lohans: ZERO!

Michael is currently in the hospital getting his foot looked at and while he's there they should also hook a colostomy bag up to his head to pump out all of the stupid in there. Michael will also be charged with resisting arrest once he gets to the police station. Kate said this to TMZ about the whole thing:

"I am sick of being lied about by Michael Lohan Sr.'s false allegations about his continual physical and mental abuse toward me."

Obviously the judge was correct when questioning if he could 'read.'

He has no regard for the justice system. He can beat up women but Mr. tough guy who slurred his words calling me 5 times after getting out of jail wasn't too tough by jumping off a 3rd floor balcony into a tree to try to flee from going back to the same jail he just got released from less than 12 hours ago"

Maybe they have phonics books in jail!"

Just a couple of days ago, this charbroiled twat was threatening to throw a trick off of a fourth floor balcony and now he's the one who fell off of a balcony. If you brought me a dark-sided CROC and said to me, "Michael, meet Karma," I'd still lick every inch of it as a thank you, because this is just too too perfect. Michael is like a soothsaying dumb fuck. Whatever he threatens to do to a bitch, happens to him a couple days later. Oh, Michael, please threaten to drown Kate in a pig's shit puddle if she doesn't wrap her mouth around the grossness that is your dick. Then on Saturday morning, we'll all gather around a pig's shit puddle with our happy faces on. You bring the popcorn.

And FARK can officially change their Florida tag to a Lohan tag.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Grace Disful on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:50pm.

I keep picturing this trick pulling his celly out of that belt clip he wears, over and over again.

How much must it suck to be Michael Lohan, Jr. right about now?

I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 4:21pm.

Cappy,

He shoooore did! I clicked on Manimal's file, and it list the defendant, Michael John Lohan, as a GD Director of Marketing. I would have believed that only if he listed himself as the company, because, who else does he actually market?

That pharm company must be crazy.

Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 4:15pm.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 5:43pm.

Manimal,

What's amazing to me is that he listed an occupation - Director of Marketing - for some pharm company.
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BWHHWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Get the hell out of here, MLohan!!! Just stop!!

LaChay, for real he listed that mess?? It just never ends with this airheaded family.

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"Your worship...I don't know how she then became a donkey. I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with the donkey." -Sunday Moyo, 10.26.2011

Submitted by LaChaylo on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 4:13pm.

Manimal,

What's amazing to me is that he listed an occupation - Director of Marketing - for some pharm company.

WTF? He's actually employed?!

Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 4:12pm.

He says the she baited him by calling first but there is no record of her calling on his phone.

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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 4:11pm.

Maybe it`s just the side of me that still would fuck Dr. Drew talking, but he told old Lohan to stay far far away from Kate. Not that he wouldn`t find a new bitch to slap around, but it would take a minute...

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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11

Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 4:09pm.

Michael Lohan aka "Rockey the Flying Squirrel" is really going to be fucked now...new charges include resisting arrest.

http://www.radaronline.com/sites/radaronline.com/files/lohan-arrest-2.pd...

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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

Submitted by Who Datt on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 4:09pm.

How fucked up do you have to be to make your recidivist daughter look law-abiding in comparison?

Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 12:52pm.

Michael's problem is not that he can't read; it is that he can't think.

Submitted by Wil In Minneapolis on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 12:50pm.

That nuke plant in Japan still screwed? If so, I think this entire scum-assed family should be sent over to clean it up.

Submitted by Meatblocks on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 12:32pm.

R U N, M I C H A E L, R U N !!!

yes! atta boy!
i can't wait for the video game .... this guy is hysterical.

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YTkxr3j2HQ&feature=related

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 11:20am.

Stan Hooper, you'd better give me credit too! I started it! SANS FARDS took it and ran with it!

(nice addition, btw- great teamwork!)

***********************************************
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why?
-Fiona Apple "A Mistake"

Submitted by LisaRose on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 11:13am.

I've noticed how Michael never mentions his religion anymore.

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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 11:01am.

I can see that Dr. Drew's treatment has worked wonders for Michael.

Funny how they all seem to relapse, get arrested or die shortly after appearing on his show...

Submitted by little_rascal on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:46am.

Submitted by urmomma on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:30am.

FMR! All I wanted to do was slack at my job for 2 damn minutes and write something stoopit and lame about this damn asshat, but now I am so pissed at the fifty 500 error messages that I cannot remember the stoopit and lame shit I was gonna post.
Will somebody please type something for me in my absence?
*stomps off*

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I keep getting 500 - Internal Server Error all day long! Arrghhhh

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:34am.

Submitted by Stan Hooper on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:56am.

haha sure!

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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

Submitted by tasty dish on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:33am.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:09am.

@tasty dish, who is the hot piece in your avie?

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yummy Guy Pearce.

Submitted by Thornhill on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:07am.

I love trainwreck..especially a "good" Christian one..

_____________________对您的和平_____________________
F*ck youth, how about a fountain of smart..

Submitted by Courtney Stodden on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:13am.

Michael Lohan makes my tight teenage pussy wet..

Submitted by vega on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:04am.

I bet Lindsay and her dad are in a competition to see who will have the most mug shots by the end of the year.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:01am.

He should be arrested again for this alone!

http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_dxoufvox

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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:51am.

Submitted by Stan Hooper on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 10:56am.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011

Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:47am.

If this keeps up it might be worth it to have two jail cells built just for the Lohans!

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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

Submitted by Get Serious on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:48am.

Geebus, what a stupid dumbass; he definitely puts the "douche" in "douchebag". Well, it's official; the mystery of where BLOWhan gets her arrogant entitled "FUCK YOU!" attitude towards the court system has been solved...

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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer

Submitted by Stan Hooper on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:26am.

OMG!

Sand Fards, can I post this on my FB with your credit!!

TOOOOOOOOO FUNNNNY!!!

Lindsay and Michael could put together a Christmas card of their 12 mugshots, and set it to music..."On the first day of Christmas, my Jury gave to me......"

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Twelve derps a-derping,
Eleven cops a-calling
Ten broken bottles
Nine orange jumpers
Eight filled syringes
Seven douchey tats
Six shrinks a-cringing

Five D.U.Iiiiiiiiiiiis....

Four punching fists
Three crack spoons
Two Playboy spreads
And an 8-Ball in a pear treeeeee
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie

Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:21am.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:54am.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:21am.

LMAO!!

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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:03am.

OMG sans fards and psl win the internet!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAAAaaaaHAHAHAHAHA!!

I'm bestowing those posts with an honorary "we can all go home now" tag.

Submitted by urmomma on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:00am.

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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:58am.

Submitted by chewinsmoke on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:58am.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:54am.

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!! That's epic!

All in tune now - "FIVE DUI'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Holiday cheer from the Lohans!

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Hilarious.

::chimes in with Bob & Doug McKenzie chorus::
... and a beeeeer (and Daddy) in a tree.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:57am.

I have heard that a spinning top spins faster when it gets closer to the end...so with all of this recent collection of fucker from the Lohans perhaps we're watching the final implosion? Maybe a sad tawdry end for a Lohan is near? Anyways...this piece of mutated pidgeon caca belongs UNDER the jail!

Submitted by guest on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:41am.

Sans fards:..ololololol. 5 duiiiiiiii's!

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by chewinsmoke on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:28am.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:54am.

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!! That's epic!

All in tune now - "FIVE DUI'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Holiday cheer from the Lohans!

"My pug is smarter than your honor student."

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:25am.

Let's just arrest the whole family pre-emptively. That's where they're headed. You too, Nana.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:24am.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:21am.

Lindsay and Michael could put together a Christmas card of their 12 mugshots, and set it to music..."On the first day of Christmas, my Jury gave to me......"

_______________________________________________

Twelve derps a-derping,
Eleven cops a-calling
Ten broken bottles
Nine orange jumpers
Eight filled syringes
Seven douchey tats
Six shrinks a-cringing

Five D.U.Iiiiiiiiiiiis....

Four punching fists
Three crack spoons
Two Playboy spreads
And an 8-Ball in a pear treeeeee

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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

Submitted by chewinsmoke on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:20am.

*deep breath*

Okay.

I'm all about making fun and laughing hysterically at this family's fuckery, but this is really getting out of hand. Even I am getting really sick of these losers, and I've always been one to find extreme pleasure in this idiots' shananigans.

Could it be that I'm suffering a Lohan overdose? I never thought it would be possible, but this is getting ridiculous!

"My pug is smarter than your honor student."

Submitted by little_rascal on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:09am.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:21am.

Lindsay and Michael could put together a Christmas card of their 12 mugshots, and set it to music..."On the first day of Christmas, my Jury gave to me......"

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ROTFLMFAO! Brilliant!

MK, this post is so hysterically funny! And why couldn't the douche fall onto a cactus, for f*ck sake?

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:59am.

Submitted by tasty dish on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:50am.
i love you MK, but can we go one day without a Lohan post

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Co-sign. So tired of them polluting every blog, newscast and gossip mag.

Submitted by guest on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:56am.

lol psl.

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by DeeDee on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:54am.

parissucksliterally on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 9:21am.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Submitted by Migraineuse on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:53am.

Sounds like Oprah's ripping off Gavin Becker's __The Gift of Fear__.

Which doesn't surprise me, because she rips off and repackages other peoples' ideas all the damn time and pretends that she came up with them herself.

If I'm gonna read life advice it's not going to be from a cult leader who's made billions by emotionally manipulating the masses.

*______________________________________*

"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:51am.

Lindsay and Michael could put together a Christmas card of their 12 mugshots, and set it to music..."On the first day of Christmas, my Jury gave to me......"

***********************************************
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why?
-Fiona Apple "A Mistake"

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:50am.

tasty send your avie man instead of Candy Finnegan please!

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

Submitted by undinespragg on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:50am.

This is almost unbelievable. Nobody can be that stupid, right?

Submitted by rukiddingme on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:46am.

@azgirl ~ Yeah, it's on her network @ 8PM weeknights. Honestly, she's dealing with some pretty interesting stuff. Last night's discussion was about "if people show you who they are, believe them." Meaning, many times there are very obvious clues/signs of a person's true character, yet we choose to ignore them and move forward with the relationship anyway. Tonight is is about "what animals can teach us." I recommend it, even if you're not an Oprah fan.
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Lesson-14-What-Animals-Can-Teach-U...

www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.

www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.

Submitted by Hello Kitty Ho ... on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:46am.

What is Kate Majors known for besides being Derphan's ex cock holster?

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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:49pm.

Women make me sick. There I said it.

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:53pm.

Have you tried them cooked?

Submitted by DeeDee on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:45am.

Dipshit!

Submitted by A.cotw on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:43am.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 8:55am.
If he's arrested again...another mugshot?

Lindsay 5 and Michael 6??
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It would be awesome if they were arrested together.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:39am.

*finds hobby for pretty MJT*
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:39am.

@tasty dish, who is the hot piece in your avie?

_______________________________________________

I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

Submitted by hazeldazel on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 7:37am.

karma's a bitch, but she's a funny bitch! lol