Kris Humphries Wasn’t Kim Kardashian’s First Choice For A Fake Husband

October 27, 2011 / Posted by:

Meet 23-year-old Italian piece Danilo Gallinari, the former forward of the New York Knicks and Kim Kardashian’s first choice to play her trophy husband in the multimillion dollar whoretastic shit show that was her soul-sucking manufactured wedding. That’s what Wetpaint is alluding to, anyway. According to their source, before Pimp Mama Kris trapped Kris Humphries and threatened to sic Khloe on his family unless he signs his name in piss (the official ink of the Kardashian family) on a marriage contract, E! executives tried to set Kim up with Danilo. Danilo made the best decision of his life by turning those whores down and the rest is pisstory.

The source claims that while shooting the first season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, Danilo was wanted by Kim Kardashian and E! tried to make it happen. They told Danilo that if he started dating Kim in front of the cameras, his career would blow up like her asshole when it’s forming a fart and he’d become an overnight star. Danilo said the words that Kris Humphries wish he was smart enough to say: “Thank you, but no thank you. And please tell Khloe to heel, because she’s chewing on my favorite kicks.” That’s when E! and the Kardashian whores moved on to their next victim.

This is easy to believe for two reasons:

1. You can’t spell FAKE without a K (Side note: I think I might’ve just called myself fake too, which I guess is better than what I called myself earlier after I accidentally squirted hand lotion on my toothbrush.).

2. Kim Kardashian wanted a husband so bad that Pimp Mama Kris was about to sacrifice one of those Jenner girls to her overlord Satan and ask him to give her a Reggie Bush clone for her prized pig to marry.

So I’m more than sure that Pimp Mama Kris put out a casting notice for professional athletes who don’t get piss fright when asked to let out a golden shower on command.

Pee S – Tommy Girl did the whole “buy a spouse” thing better. Snap. Snap.

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