Lindsay Lohan Will Be Every Kind Of Naked In Playboy
Anybody who can't handle a raw bone-in chicken without thinking that it needs more freckles, smegma stains, coke clots and extra skin has already smeared their retinas on Lindsay Lohan's "check for cash" (copyright: Wildwood, N.J.) in paparazzi pictures. But you're about to get an encore performance, because TMZ is hearing that LiLo bares her titties, twat and ass in the spread that Playboy paid her almost $1 million for.
A source claims that one rumor going around that LiLo only went semi-nude is completely untrue, because the shoot just wrapped up yesterday and as the cameras were clicking she spread her legs and answered the question: "I wonder what it would look like if the Slim Jim Man rolled around in a cave full of rancid roast beef slices while wearing a bodysuit made of scabs?"
Lindsay Lohan has legal bills to pay and A CHECK IS A CHECK, so I say release the beast and get your money, bitch. Hundreds of tricks do this on a daily basis and do they collect a stack of bills for it? No. LiLo is boosting the economy with her chocha and containing all the flies in one place at the same time.
And to quote White Oprah: "Baby, you should pose for a $1 million spread in Playboy Magazine the same way you came into this world: naked and crying!"
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I totally misplaced my virginity in Wildwood N.J. age 12. If you find it let me know.
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
Fhhhewww! Am I glad I'm gay and don't read Playboy.
You guys, there are people out there that get off on crazy! So this shit is perfect. Granted we've all seen her fire crotch and granny titties for free -It will sell.. But Hef will only break even with this decision.. Photoshop.. Fumigation.. Ohmy! Ive had three kids and I'd need less photoshop than her ass. I just cant wait to see what they do with her teeth.. They are SO GROSS!
Shades of Dana Plato.
Why are they paying her all that money? Dumb asses - she would have done it for a quart of Grey Goose.
Submitted by LMA618 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:38pm.
This spread should be listed as the next Pixar project for the amount of CGI hours it will undoubtedly take to make her look alive. I thought Hef had a motto ' If you wouldn't screw it, don't shoot it.' So much for that.
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At first I thought you meant shoot, as with a gun, and I was confused, because that would actually be a really good standard procedure for dealing with a Lohan infestation.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
This spread should be listed as the next Pixar project for the amount of CGI hours it will undoubtedly take to make her look alive. I thought Hef had a motto ' If you wouldn't screw it, don't shoot it.' So much for that.
So painfully unsexy.
I feel sorry for that violated and exploited guitar.
She reminds me of biblical plague locust in this pic getting ready to wipe some shit out in her plague fury.
Confirming my lifelong belief that people with those narrow flat flipper-like feet are evil.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
Submitted by deucenoir on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 9:30pm.
They really do get a lot of money now. Jenny McCarthy has been on the cover of Playboy more times than Michael Lohans sperm and I don't think she got that much.
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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes
Submitted by the_hot_chick on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 4:38pm.
PLAYBOY OFFERS:
RACHAEL HUNTER- $1.8 million
FOXY BROWN- $2 million
ASHLEE SIMPSON- $4 million
JENNIFER ANISTON- $4 million
DENISE RICHARDS, MELISSA JOAN HART, & HEIDI MONTAG- $1 million each
LINDSAY LOHAN- $750,000
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HAHAHAHHAH....even sabrina the teen aged witch and fucking lameass ASHLEE SIMPSON were offered more money. what a loser.
from the Superficial:
celebutard | October 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Lindsay Lohan misunderstood the judge when told that her community service would now be helping out with a bunch of stiffs.
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hahahahhahahha
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I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why?
-Fiona Apple "A Mistake"
Submitted by Granny Clampett on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 2:48pm.
Let's just hope it's not a scratch and sniff picture
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My God, woman...that is vile.
hahahahahaha
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
I never thought I'd miss the leggings.
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"I don't understand this damned movie! I didn't see no Dracula. All I seen was two lesbians fisting a bear!" -Alltheprettyones
She needs to close her legs. The people on the shoot don't want to smell fish.
At least they don't have to worry about her stealing any clothes from the shoot.
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
No. LiLo is boosting the economy with her chocha and containing all the flies in one place at the same time.
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Horrid mental image.
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
Submitted by Granny Clampett on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 2:48pm.
Let's just hope it's not a scratch and sniff picture
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Oh Dear. PMSL.
Usually the celebtity photospreads are kinda beat...Heidi Montag didn't show anything.
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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes
gross.
.
.
She probably pre-emptively blew the $1mil on high grade speedballs. She does have nice bewbs (you get to see them in all their glory in Machete) but this is ridiculous.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
This will be one issue where I will not yell, "It's nudie magazine day!!!", as I see the plastic-wrapped magazine in my mailbox. God love my mailman because he chuckles everytime we get a new issue.
Yes, I'm a married woman, but I usually have it read before the hubs takes off to the bathroom with it. I read it for the articles, but they've even gotten so stale, like Lindsay herself, that I barely skim through the pages now. The fiction has become shit and all the girls look the exact fucking same. Lisa Lampinelli's monthly bit seems forced and old and it's one of the 'newer' features. Last month or so they paid homage to some of the original Playmates, from 50 years or so ago. They were gorg. The only one who has piqued my interest at all is the Claire St.Claire girl, who is now dating Hef's son, Marston--that is one homely kid. I hope he a good personality, cause he's ugly as sin. But I think Claire is very Vargas girl-esque, and seems quirky and taking this all with a grain of salt. Personally, I think the rest look like girls that were in my sorority and expect to be a star. I mean, Jesus, Levi Johnston's ugly sister was in there, with a full spread (ew) and multi-page interview. The epitome of class. He keeps saying when it expires he's not renewing it, but they always send us these crazy letters and such as to why he should renew. Our subscription rate is pretty low since he's had it since his early college days--but hopefully this will be the wakeup call he needs to see that it's just tacky and obnoxious.
*running off to the bubble bath to read this week's In Touch instead*
Sorry so long, it's just gotten lame and annoying (like my long ass rant).
"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl
To please TexnDoc, I am looking forward to Hohan's "full tits and minge" spread. (pun intended)
Those shots of Marilyn that Hef bought for next to nada MADE Playboy magazine. Maybe Hohan's pictorial will be the nail in its coffin.
We'll always have sites like YouPorn, where the tits and minge are free.
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
PLAYBOY OFFERS:
RACHAEL HUNTER- $1.8 million
FOXY BROWN- $2 million
ASHLEE SIMPSON- $4 million
JENNIFER ANISTON- $4 million
DENISE RICHARDS, MELISSA JOAN HART, & HEIDI MONTAG- $1 million each
LINDSAY LOHAN- $750,000
This is so sad.
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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
How long ago was it that ole Linds said; "I neva do none dat Playboy shiz!"
It'll cost more in man hours to Photoshop her into something presentable than the issue will make in sales.
I'd say her next step is porn, but I think she's going to skip that step and go straight to Tijuana donkey shows.
I really hate this bitch for throwing things at people and being a spoiled brat, but I never wished her to get this low in life. I just wanted her to go to jail. Oh well.
sorry soooo not interested in her rancid roast beef icky to the nast and saggy freckled titties...the whole thing seems so preposterous and scary...I hope the put this out for Haloween...cause this be some nightmare material right here. She appears constantly dirty...no class Playboy..no class.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 1:28pm.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 1:19pm.
Hef really must be in the late stages of oldtimers disease thinking anyone wants to see this shit..
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Hef's out of touch I can just see him at a board meeting screaming at everyone he "wants that Lindsey girl damn it cause she's the newest thing going", meanwhile he's shitting his pants and the rest of the room is giving him the side eye.
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**Spits out afternoon coffee all over keyboard**
That is too funny.
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WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
The bottom of her feet look flat, dry, cracked and dirty. And her legs have no tone. Yet here someone is offering her money to do nothing (which she is so good at). Unbelievable.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Rachel Hunter got paid $1.8 million for her Playboy shoot and she was f*king THIRTY FIVE when she did it. Shows how little they think of Lindsay.
BITCH PLEASE.
She almost looks fresh here, and we all know that hasn't happened in years.... photoshop is on standby fur sho.
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But this IS my alt!
Does Linds play the geetar?
That is the most flatfooted human being I have ever seen... Gawd, did her Mother ever put shoes on her when she was little??
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 1:47pm.
The only thing worse, IMO
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/3892849/Jodies-weapons-of-...
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You don't think those are the best Jodie Marsh has looked? Now that she has put a little fat over her muscle, I think she looks stunning. Not really crazy about all of the tats though.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by Joeb on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 2:27pm.
That kind of irony is a bit subtle for this audience.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
I await the inevitable mass outbreak of eye/brain herpes...
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
Let's just hope it's not a scratch and sniff picture
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
Playboy's not going to regain its following with this scheme. The old Playboys used to have pretty, natural women, now it's just tacky trash. They're going to have to pay the Photoshop airbrusher time and a half for this one.
Like a Venus waiting within an uncut block of fine marble, Miss Lohan will emerge classic and become the ideal of beauty. As Mama Rose said, there is an invisable wall between a star and her audience. It will be a short career, relying on beauty and luscious hips, but as the blazing star over the blessed manger, it will be remembered for guiding Kings.
If everything else fails, there's always hard-core porn for this sperm-gargling skank. Although she better hurry, she's not getting any younger.
Submitted by citizenstrange on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 2:09pm.
DiLo has a very delusional view of her place in the world.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkien.
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Note to self: After a long day at work, I don't want to see that!
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 1:37pm.
@citizenstrange
http://dlisted.blogspot.com/2006/08/dina-lohan-is-white-oprah.html
Thanks Momus. Once you told me it all made sense but there were a million possibilities running through my mind including some that had to do with Minnie Pearl and the Grand Ole Opry.
The photoshop guys better get a bonus after this job. They will be working some overtime this week.
"You’ll never see me in a nude scene."
The then 19-year-old Lindsay went on to say, "I think there’s a way to for those kinds of things to be tastefully done and you don’t need to show that, and I don’t think that’s what is needed to win someone an Oscar," she continued. "For me, personally… I think there are other things you can do to show people that you have talent."
http://www.vancouversun.com/entertainment/Lindsay+Lohan+Playboy+shoot+st...
And Dina says the shoot is a "stunner."
No end of the whoring.
@whamo and courtney
Does Hef really run Playboy or is he just a dessicated, demented figurehead who doesn't make any publishing decisions?
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkien.
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Submitted by annobanano on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 1:58pm.
@ agirl - that money's already spent - she has to have HUGE legal bills.
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Ahhh, trudat... so we'll be seeing her in PRON, um, next week?
@ agirl - that money's already spent - she has to have HUGE legal bills.