Tara Reid Is NOT Somebody’s Wife

October 25, 2011 / Posted by:

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You can now put a face to your hangover thanks to that still shot of Tara Reid.

Heineken’s tagline “Drink responsibly” came on my mind back in August when the blueprint for Lindsay Lohan’s life, Tara Reid, married Zack Kehayov (seen below before the booze buzz of happiness wore off) just hours after they got engaged in Greece. Most of us bet all our coins on Tara’s marriage lasting until the hotel staff refused to restock the mini bar, but that Land of Gorch-looking trick showed all of us. Tara’s marriage didn’t last a week and it didn’t even last a second. It didn’t last at all, because it never happened. Tara says that she and Zack never made it legal.

TMZ caught Tara at LAX last night just seconds after the airport crew cut her weave out of an aircraft propeller when it landed. I mean, either Tara spent a 6 hour flight wrapped around a moving propeller or she accidentally fell into the toilet and got stuck in the septic tank, because I need a whole of DAMNs to describe the messy state she’s in. It’s like her hair got caught on the hitch of a dump truck speeding out of hell. Tara needs to take a long nap in a Menudo soup bath. But back to Tara’s non-existent marriage. Tara told TMZ that she never legally married Zack and she made it sound like they’re not even together anymore.

Leave it to the master mess to show the amateur messes how you really scam the media for a quick check. Lindsay Lohan is out there flashing her freckled nipple knobs for money and Tara just collected a check from Life & Style for wedding pictures from a wedding that never happened. Bow down, LiLo. No, seriously, bow down and pick Tara Reid up, because she just passed out on the sidewalk.

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