Tuesday, October 25th 2011

Tara Reid Is NOT Somebody's Wife


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You can now put a face to your hangover thanks to that still shot of Tara Reid.

Heineken's tagline "Drink responsibly" came on my mind back in August when the blueprint for Lindsay Lohan's life, Tara Reid, married Zack Kehayov (seen below before the booze buzz of happiness wore off) just hours after they got engaged in Greece. Most of us bet all our coins on Tara's marriage lasting until the hotel staff refused to restock the mini bar, but that Land of Gorch-looking trick showed all of us. Tara's marriage didn't last a week and it didn't even last a second. It didn't last at all, because it never happened. Tara says that she and Zack never made it legal.

TMZ caught Tara at LAX last night just seconds after the airport crew cut her weave out of an aircraft propeller when it landed. I mean, either Tara spent a 6 hour flight wrapped around a moving propeller or she accidentally fell into the toilet and got stuck in the septic tank, because I need a whole of DAMNs to describe the messy state she's in. It's like her hair got caught on the hitch of a dump truck speeding out of hell. Tara needs to take a long nap in a Menudo soup bath. But back to Tara's non-existent marriage. Tara told TMZ that she never legally married Zack and she made it sound like they're not even together anymore.

Leave it to the master mess to show the amateur messes how you really scam the media for a quick check. Lindsay Lohan is out there flashing her freckled nipple knobs for money and Tara just collected a check from Life & Style for wedding pictures from a wedding that never happened. Bow down, LiLo. No, seriously, bow down and pick Tara Reid up, because she just passed out on the sidewalk.

Posted by: Michael K


LaChaylo's picture

Submitted by sweet_b on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 8:18am.

I personally think she's an upscale hooker. She can demand a higher price because she was in that movie all those years ago. And like many hookers, she has addiction issues.

Girl should just go to school and get a real job.

She is clearly bipolar. I can spot it pretty easily. Sad.

sweet_b's picture

Submitted by skinny fat on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:39am.
can someone please tell me how these bitches who don't work get to NOT WORK AND TRAVEL AND SHOP AND LIVE IN NICE APARTMENTS/HOUSES? because i wanna do that too.

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Thank you!!!! I don't feel bad for any of these tricks...wouldn't it be great to be high/drunk all the time and just travel, shop, fake-marry rich dudes, drive porcshes, have court cases and treat them like shit....this is some BULLSHIT

karen's picture

" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs

thanks for telling me about Barbara Payton. I love noir films and have heard of her, now i am going to have to get the latest book about her. sad, dead at 39. bad checks, brushes with the law, prostitution. wow. i had no idea about her life. i know the story of frances farmer, and that is a sad one as well.

Bjork You's picture

You know what sucks? She wasn't that bad of an actress. Not everyone can do comedy. I'm not saying that she was Lucille Ball, but she was certainly above average.

Oh well.

Next.

Dion flowerboy's picture

Her next role will be on that fine tv show,"Jail." Tara honey, google Barbara Payton and meet your future. It ain't pretty.

Meatblocks's picture

whatta harmless goofball. classic disheveled drunk.
poor kid.

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YTkxr3j2HQ&feature=related

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 2:09pm.

Tara's song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiIm0elzalI&feature=rellist&playnext=1&li...

LMAO! Nobody's Wife!!

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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

becky n sydney's picture

Can't snark. The poor woman is obviously on the brink. :(

I'm just shocked her tit didn't pop out.

She'll never look as hot as this again:

http://shoecrazed.blogspot.com/2008/10/tara-reid-in-sydney-australia-in....

Holy shit what is Tara's issue here in this vid??! Sorry, but the longest flight I've been on still had me never arriving like an elderly hobo mouth breather. She's just a mess from jump. Couldn't even focus on what she was trying to say. Jeez

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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e

tonicbitch's picture

Isn't she in her late 30's? She actually looks pretty damn good considering her lifestyle.

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"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." -Lucille Ball-sy

Submitted by BorgQueen on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 2:43pm.
And this is the chick that A-Rod and Cameron Diaz had a 3some with? unbelievable

Details please? When did this happen? All I can say is yuck to all three.

eggrollin's picture

lol yesterday, tara reid was on a 17-hour video shoot with former x-factor contestants, jedward. she's been kissing their asses ever since she met them on celebrity big brother uk this summer. i guess because they're blowing up in europe, she figured she needed to be a hanger on in an effort to stay relevant. girlfriend had a mini-breakdown on the show bc she felt that being on the show could possibly ruin her prospects for acting gigs. i feel for jedward tho. they don't seem to be clued in to the fact that she's not the best person to be associated with in hollywood. i think they're just happy that tara reid knows them.

Doll-Parts's picture

THIS bitch I actually feel sorry for. She seems kind of sweet and always has. She doesn't seem to be a totally delusional, entitled famewhore, just...a little pathetic. Get thee to rehab, Tara!

I am...doll parts...bad skin...doll heart.

BorgQueen's picture

Submitted by Nanners on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:51am.

Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:46am.
She is looking busted, but it's like she has no damn idea. She was happy to slur into the camera.
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EXACTLY like the infamous franken-nipple slip. At least she's a happy drunk.
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Unlike Lilo who goes out her way to hurt people and cause them bodily harm. I agree that at least Tara Reid is happy drunk.

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51+16 = LOVE

BorgQueen's picture

And this is the chick that A-Rod and Cameron Diaz had a 3some with? unbelievable.

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51+16 = LOVE

MickeyHolland's picture

Tara's song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiIm0elzalI&feature=rellist&playnext=1&li...

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Rusty, tu nous manque! Sois gentil et donne-nous de tes nouvelles!

Suzy Farkis's picture

They have one thing in common - his eyes don't look in the same direction either. And in that last thumbnail he could totally star in Slingblade: The Beginning.

JapJay's picture

She's got the herp, he's got the derp (eyes).

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"Joy and sorrow are life's companions."

Few Words's picture

..but did she fly coach or 1st class?

i luv drunk stoopid skanks

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.

The Sunshine Gang's picture

Cant these rich guys do any better?! I know there have to be better/ fresher looking whores out there willing to do the dirty shit

She should try getting fake married at least once a year...gotta pay for those drugs somehow.

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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

ditquoi's picture

I sure hope that fish eyed fool has bankroll :-P

zachhcaz's picture

It would take Propofol goggles to find that hairless sphinx cat to be husband material

MickeyHolland's picture

Submitted by AtomicCity on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:45pm.

Atomic! I totally got the joke! So sorry to have caused you bodily harm, At least you were eating the real thing and not some cheap knock-off brand. That would have made it a truly horrific experience.

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Rusty, tu nous manque! Sois gentil et donne-nous de tes nouvelles!

rukiddingme's picture

OMG Raul. You crack me up.

www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.

www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.

snowpiece's picture

LMAO PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR FOR NEBRASKA< Y'all!

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

JapJay's picture

Normally I'd make fun of this but its just sad. She obviously needs some help.

Also, LOL.

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"Joy and sorrow are life's companions."

AtomicCity's picture

Hey there, Mick. I just read your post from last night's OP about the exotic spider exhibit. Kid you not, I laughed so hard a piece of my fruit and yogurt Special K cereal came back up and I feel like I have a chunk of yogurt in my nose.I then aspirated on the rest and will probably die as a result of cereal in my lungs. Not so "Special". And it'll make you a cereal killer (I hope the language barrier doesn't keep you from seeing the humor in that).
Have a good day, my favorite member of the bovine community.

"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl

AtomicCity's picture

This is kind of how I looked this morning. I had a gigantic sleep mask, a big, red runny nose, the hair kinda looking like Tara's. The hubs took a picture of me ala Russell Brand/Katie Perry and posted it as my FB profile pic.

I'm laughing now because we are not legally married either. It was a show I put all on for myself, and the people at the county clerk's office were friends of mine who were stoned on their lunchbreak, and the 'minister' was my cousin.
Suck it, loser.

"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by DeeDee on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:37pm.

Submitted by NitWitty on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:25pm.

Give Snoweewee a break. That's how they talk in Nebraska.
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Bwhahaha! *slaps forehead* Totally forgot! My bad, Nebz!

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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.

I wish I could believe that Tara Reid never happened.

=======================================================
Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

Sweetas's picture

Or to use Tara's own words, "Glabmmmnet asshhtakanal beeeshtu-tu-tuna numinaumin."

DeeDee's picture

Submitted by NitWitty on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:25pm.

Give Snoweewee a break. That's how they talk in Nebraska.

Migraineuse's picture

Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:21pm.

What, surgery in a Papua New Guinean mud hut ISN'T your best plastic surgery choice?

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Whammy's on fire today.

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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo

Migraineuse's picture

Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:26pm.

IF by "laid" you mean "attacked by my cat", sure.

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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo

Whamo's picture

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:11pm.
Oh please. My hair looks like that every day.

Not for the same reasons, I'd guess though.
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Your hair's like that because you get laid every half hour.

NitWitty's picture

by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:52am.

LMAO she's just tired, y'all!

*REPORTED* Yankee use of Southern Slang*

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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.

fishsticksfan's picture

Sad.

But.Seriously.Folks's picture

Next stop, Celebrity Rehab.

Whamo's picture

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:01pm.
She picks those docs because she doesn't have the money to go to anyone who knows what they're doing. :-(
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What, surgery in a Papua New Guinean mud hut ISN'T your best plastic surgery choice?

MickeyHolland's picture

She seemed pretty serious to me at the time. I don't believe this mariage was really a joke to her. Poor thing.

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Rusty, tu nous manque! Sois gentil et donne-nous de tes nouvelles!

Sweetas's picture

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:02pm.

True dis! Somehow I managed though lol. ;)

Raul Duke's picture

If you had give as many handjobs as it takes to buy plane ticket to LA you'd be tired too.

http://youtu.be/i9WOdnR-Nfs

┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.

parissucksliterally's picture

....and this mess was paid $250,000 recently? That was money well spent.

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Make it like a memory
Take away the sound and the sight
There will never be another love
With the power of , you and I
-Barbra Streisand

Migraineuse's picture

Oh please. My hair looks like that every day.

Not for the same reasons, I'd guess though.

*______________________________________*

"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo

MyFingersHurt's picture

I will never stop laughing at MK's description of her hair. Brilliant.

(Why does this idiot still get press?! Go the fuck away already.)

Gardening Girl's picture

Damnnnnnnnnnnnn! How is this girls liver still functioning!

Jimmy Bocca's picture

WOW WTF happend to her?!! She used to be drop dead gorgeous! She looks homeless now.