George Clooney brought his latest contract girl Stacy Keibler to the Annual Hollywood Film Awards Gala last night and as they made their way up the red carpet, they stopped and stared at each other. Just like they stared at each other in London….and Paris…and New York. That’s what they do. They stare at each other like an old couple sitting in the middle of a Sizzler who just silently stare at each other as they chew on their all-you-can eat shrimp. This leads me to believe that Stacy isn’t pinning George down and forcing him to suck on her strap-on, they’re just in a really long staring contest.
They started it weeks ago and neither of them is blinking for shit. So George is taking Stacy wherever he goes and when he gets some free time, they resume the staring contest! Yes, that is exactly what’s going on. They’re not fucking, they’re just staring. That is a completely reasonable explanation (that I did not pull out of my bong) for these two bitches’ serious staring problems.
Hint to Stacy: Just coo out the word “marriage” and George will blink with his entire body.
Or wait. Maybe this isn’t a staring contest at all. Maybe they are blinking. Maybe George learned from his past mistakes, so from now on he’s training all of his temporary pieces to communicate by Morse Code through blinking. That way they won’t speak with their mouths, because George hates that.