Piece Of Shit Asshole Arrested For Being A Piece Of Shit Asshole

Whenever you need a quick answer to the question "Why is Lindsay Lohan such a natural born fuck up?", just look at this mug shot of her wonderful Christian father Michael Lohan looking like a sun-damaged hairy baboon testicle.

Michael recently told Radar that his daughter needs a year in rehab and he will be there for her to guide her along the road to sobriety. Michael proved to his daughter that he is the supporting and stable rock she can count on by threatening to throw his sometimes girlfriend Kate Major off of a fourth floor balcony in Tampa, FL if she didn't suck his nasty dick. While most of us would gladly throw ourselves off of a fourth floor balcony if Michael whipped his turtle dick out and told us to put our tongues on it, Kate simply refused and that's when shit got violent. Kate told the police that he threw a TV remote at her, broke her cellphone, pushed her, grabbed her by the arms and told her that he'd pull some murder/suicide shit by slitting both of their wrists. Kate called the police from a land line and when they showed up at around 2 this morning, Michael clutched his chest in dramatic cunt fashion and so he was taken to the hospital.

This the best and most priceless part: Michael was treated for his fake chest pains and tried to be slick by slipping out of the hospital without the cops seeing him. Michael leaves a trail of douche slime when he walks, so an officer caught him and dragged his stupid ass to jail where he was booked for domestic violence again. I swear, Lauren & Hardy must be raising their fists from the grave for not using that buffoonery bit in their act. I can totally picture a Keystone Kop waving a baton at Michael Lohan as he runs around the E.R. in a hospital gown while this song plays in the background. What a dumb fuck.

Michael's side of the story is that Kate is afraid she's knocked up with the newest Lohan spawn so she flipped out after he busted a raw nut in her during sex. Michael also had a cut on his head, which she says he gave himself during an argument on Sunday night. Michael banged his head against the door and told Kate that he'd tell the cops she did it to him.

THIS LOHAN is the new THIS BITCH. Really, scientists should study whatever is flowing through the veins of a Lohan, because that will lead them to the antidote for foolery. The economy is sending the Lohan family a thank you basket for making it look like less of a disaster. This is the official family of fuck up.

And Michael Lohan, please meet Mel Gibson. You both want a blowjob in a violent way and you both are used to the taste of shit in your mouth. It's a love story just waiting to bloom.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by BamaGuy1024 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 5:00am.

That this creature is Lindsay's father actually (incredibly) makes me feel some sympathy for her. I watched his antics on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab and this man has a complete lack of self-consciousness and feels no real shame or remorse for his insane self-centered behavior. He is a role model for no one. A really miserable sad waste of human potential. Questionable if he could ever redeem himself from the depths of failure he has given himself up to. Sad, sad, sad.

Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:58pm.

I'd still hit it. Long and hard. And all night.

Submitted by stinkbutt on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:29pm.

WHAT A DICK.

Submitted by cattymama on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 6:51pm.

don't know if the link will work but his occupation says 'director of marketing' at a company called Larasen Pharmaceutical

http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/PublicInquiry/ArrestInquiry/ViewArrest?id=11...

Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 6:50pm.

Dr. Drew sussed him out when he said ML was addicted to chaos and drama. Can we export the Lohan family to a different gaseous planet?

Submitted by Grace Disful on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 6:49pm.

Sounds like good, clean, 100% Jesus-approved sex to me! Hope SamRo is paying attention, because this is what she's missing out on with her sperm-shunning, lesbionic ways. . .

I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.

Submitted by Meatblocks on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 6:02pm.

simply put: michael lohan is fuckin awesome.
not even john gosselin can compete with lohan's madcap ways.
i totally support milo.
run, michael, run!
he is sooooo sitcom -and like a sitcom, all his comedic shit resolves within about a half hour.
seinfeild-kramer lives on in milo.
getting frisked in a johnnie ... he's earned his right to do no right.

the rest of the lohans can go to shit eating hell, the useless scabs. not this one. he needs to stay, just for the shits and giggles.
guy is so fuckin random ....
-viva milo!

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YTkxr3j2HQ&feature=related

Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 5:56pm.

Well at least now both father and daughter have an equal number of mugshots...5 each.

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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

Submitted by z-listed on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 5:42pm.

Why oh why did he and Dina split up? They are so perfect for each other!

Submitted by dirtysanchez on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 5:22pm.

aw, don't be so hard on poor old mel. i like him better anyway since he went crazy. gives all the gold digging snatches something to think about.

Submitted by caprica six on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 5:08pm.

Can't.

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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e

Submitted by Who Datt on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 5:07pm.

The really funny part is that Serial Mom has remained out of jail while the other family fuck-ups keep ridin' that justice turnstile round an' round...

Submitted by scallywagy on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 5:01pm.

One day when Milo is serving hard labor he will hear the pitter patter of his daughter Lilo scooting past in the jail cell across the street and he will suddenly think to himself this is the America that I always aspired to. At least there’ll be a bucket of dollars when my sorry ass gets out of here.

Such it seems are the fateful destinies of preferred Hollywood idols that will use any means necessary to bring clarity to our collective existence. If only we could just let Milo cry in our collective arms, the tears would never stop trickling down…

http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/10/michael-lohan-would-like-to-expl...

Submitted by Mama Bear on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 5:00pm.

Fourth floor balconies are the new jacuzzis.

Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 3:57pm.

Now you know, this piece of shit just had to get frosty because his diseased ridden cum dumpster of a daughter got some play in the news and he didn't.

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But this IS my alt!

Submitted by becky n sydney on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 3:09pm.

Fake cardiac? Fingers crossed for a real one.

Submitted by Fujicat on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 2:32pm.

I cannot get rid of these swine! First, I had to put up with living one town over from them on Long Island. Everywhere I shopped and ate, victims had some story or other of dread about this family. I move to Tampa, and they're here, too? I live within blocks from the hospital MBlo tried to escape from after his fake heart attack. My luck, he'd show up on my doorstep!

If I run into any Anthonys in Orlando this weekend, I'll report straight to Dlisted. I think I'm cursed.

Runs away screaming..
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..

Submitted by babybunny on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 2:21pm.

well, animals rule, and people suck...that seems to be the lesson learned every day here on dlisted. I don't know...with all the nasty celebs and politicians and slime throwing shit heads I just hug my fur babies...and tune this crap out.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 1:11pm.

Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 1:45pm.

My ex-stepdad told me constantly that I wouldn't amount to shit and I think part of what has driven me was just to prove his dumb ass wrong.

Mmmm-mmm, taste the bitter crow flavor, LOSER.
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That would be my new sig now if I hadn't changed it today already!

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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo

Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:51pm.

listen to this stupid drama queen Kate Major on the phnone with 911

http://www.tmz.com/2011/10/25/michael-lohan-kate-major-911-call/

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

Submitted by RichBitch on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:46pm.

TEAM LOHAN! Just for the lolz!

Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:28pm.

Sweetas! aoaoaoao
ROTFLMAO @ WHAT LID!?!?!!

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:27pm.

Ophelia, OMG yes, I was thinking the same thing, SHUT UP YOU BIG BLOHARD, it looked like he was trying to chat up the blonde lady cop

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

Submitted by Darknight on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:17pm.

The more time passes, the more the lohans resemble a bad comedy sitcom. I wonder what shenanigans The Lohans will come up with next episode.

Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:15pm.

(((everybody's inner child))) snowy, yep3 and migraineuse, much love. I had it pretty rough but not like that.

Truth is, I've seen shitty parenting produce wonderful people and wonderful parenting produce shitty people. My ex-stepdad told me constantly that I wouldn't amount to shit and I think part of what has driven me was just to prove his dumb ass wrong. Mmmm-mmm, taste the bitter crow flavor, LOSER.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:14pm.

Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 1:24pm.

Is he still in jail or did someone post bail...I know Lindsay isn't going to put up money for him.

=======================================================
Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:01pm.

hey Snowy notice how he never shuts his big fresh mouf all the while getting frisked? ..can only imagine the ridiculous nonsense he's spewing. Too bad COPS isn't on anymore. That would have been a great episode.

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"You can't dance with the devil and expect to go home with Jesus."

Roasted Dickhead aka Lindsay's dad

Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:54am.

Ophelia here is that video

http://www.tmz.com/2011/10/25/michael-lohan-domestic-violence-hospital-g...

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

Submitted by Whatever on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:45am.

He and Blohan will never learn. They will be in and out of the system for the rest of their lives wasting the tax payer's money. Idiots.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:37am.

and you think this bunch can't sink any deeper and TMZ posts a vid of Roasted Dickhead getting frisked in his hospital gown.

What's Nana got to say about this? She's the only one next to Cody that seems to be all 'how the fuck did I get stuck in this family'.

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"You can't dance with the devil and expect to go home with Jesus."

Roasted Dickhead aka Lindsay's dad

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:32am.

Submitted by lovesmesomeblackdick on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:09am.
I know this is bad but I'd still blow Mel Gibson..
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I guess somebody has to, or he'll grow to 50 ft. tall and storm the city like Godzilla. So thank you for your selfless public service.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Submitted by yepyepyep on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:23am.

y Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:44pm.

Submitted by Albatross on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:33pm.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:11am.

Hugs to you, too. Damn, this thread is gonna make me cry.

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Seabirds can cry?

Yes we get stronger :)

"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:14am.

Submitted by Albatross on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:33pm.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:11am.

Hugs to you, too. Damn, this thread is gonna make me cry.

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Seabirds can cry?

Aw.

Don't worry. I went through some personal shit till about the age of 25 or so and was not much fun to be around, but I'm good now and have been for quite some time.

I turned 18, ditched the toxic folk and never looked back.

The human spirit is all, like, resilient and shit.

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Submitted by Albatross on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:03am.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:11am.

Hugs to you, too. Damn, this thread is gonna make me cry.

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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK

Submitted by Albatross on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:00am.

Submitted by yepyepyep on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:48am

((hugs)) No child should have to go through that kind of shit.

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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK

Submitted by Chucks on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:53am.

What's this guy's deal?

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:51am.

Sigh

When will this planet have enough of these fools and just turn their backs on them all? But sadly, its like an accident on the freeway - we all slow down to get a peek! Loses hope for humanity.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:47am.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:13pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:42am.

...She thinks she can get enough dirt to write a book and blow the lid off the family.

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What lid?

^^^^^^^^^

That's what I'm talking about! I mean, how much worse culd there be?

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:45am.

Okay, back to James Franco's ass cheeks it is.

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Rusty, tu nous manque! Sois gentil et donne-nous de tes nouvelles!

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:43am.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:42am.

...She thinks she can get enough dirt to write a book and blow the lid off the family.

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What lid?

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Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:34am.

@GG

He tried, believe me. But the 1920s version of the moral majority boycotted him and the made it known they'd boycott the movies of any studio who hired him. :-(

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:32am.

@ Dog

Thanks for that. I thought after he couldnt find work as and actor that he just faded off into obscurity. Glad that he went on to direct even if he had to change his name.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:26am.

GG, and Arbuckle was completely innocent! Even after he was finally cleared after the third trial, he never found work again as a comedian. He had to take his father's name, William Goodrich, and become a director.

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:23am.

:( Fatty Arbuckle.

Oddly he got smeared and Lohan revels in scandal and profits from it. Times have changed for the worst!

Submitted by agirl on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:23am.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:20am.
Submitted by agirl on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:16am.
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:33am.
Has there ever been another "famous" family this publicly fucked up??! Honestly?! I mean, dad, mom, and daughter just all degenerate scumbags. I don't agree with murder-suicides, but anyone with the last name Lohan should just do us all a favor...

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The O'Neals (Ryan, Tatum, Redmond etc.) are pretty fucked up. Ryan hit on his own daughter at his girlfriend's (Farrah Fawcett's) FUNERAL.

(((shudder)))

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The Barrymores. From the silents right up until Drew got herself straightened out.

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Yup. The Jacksons too, although LaToya has a successful career as a detective, of course.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:21am.

agirl, no! I haven't! I love the story of how Harold Lloyd lost his fingers and had a special glove made to disguise it. I like Chaplin, too, but he IS the most famous. I always felt so sorry for what Fatty Arbuckle went through. Ugh.

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by shelfbeast on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:20am.

God, can someone just round up the Lohans, stuff them and their dirty knickers and teefs into a wheelie bin, and shoot it directly into the sun?

Submitted by agirl on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:17am.

@Dog - I love you right back. Buster Keaton is the SHIT!! My favorite Keaton film is "The Cameraman" because it takes place in NYC and shows the original Yankee Stadium.

Did you see the poster for Martin Scorsese's new movie "Hugo"? It is a homage to Harold Lloyd in "Safety Last": http://www.daemonsmovies.com/2011/10/25/martin-scorseses-hugo-movie-trai...

Of course I love Chaplin too but he gets most of the attention re: silent movies.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:12am.

@agirl, yeah. She thought she could write a book about Grosselin but it didn't work out which is why she started dating MiBlo. She thinks she can get enough dirt to write a book and blow the lid off the family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org