On Sunday afternoon in the Nappy Valley (my fingers really wanted to type “Nappy” instead of “Napa” so please let me keep it), Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Billy Crystal all watched as half-shaven silver bear Robin Williams made his graphic designer girlfriend of 2 years his third wife. All shovels stand up and salute Susan Schneider for proving that the perseverance of a late-in-life gold digger always pays off.
Page Six says that right before Robin Williams underwent heart surgery two years ago, he started giving Susan’s body carpet burns by rubbing his bear rug body against hers. Susan stayed with him and nursed him back to health.
Robin’s first marriage died a slow death when he down low dicked a cocktail waitress. Robin’s second marriage ended up in a shallow grave after he allegedly dow low dicked another trick. So I’m sure history is just history and Robin will not cum hairy sperm balls on another woman’s chest. To be sure, Susan should only let Robin hang out with women who are allergic to cats since he’s so damn hairy that I’m sure he sheds dander.
Here’s Robin and his new wife Susan entertaining Paris with a kiss and ass show while on their honeymoon yesterday. Being around spastic Robin all of the time is probably as frustrating and annoying as trying to scissor a lesbian in a Smart Car, so I’m sure this time next year we’ll see pictures of Susan making out with a Valium bottle and lifting her skirt to get a Xanax injection in the butt.