This Is Too Sexy Hot For The Pumpkin Patch To Handle
Speaking of shit that should be banned from the world, that burning sensation taking over your eyeballs that feels like the tips of your lashes are growing genital warts and your retinas are wrinkling into the fetal position could only mean one thing: it's a Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison post!
If this precious picture of the 17-year-old reptile bride and her creepy serial killer-looking husband posing with the Lohan family (who are looking less orange and bloated than usual) makes you want to cover the eyes of innocent chirruns everywhere, then you're not alone. Before this picture was taken, The Tales of the Crypt's answer to Heidi and Spencer were kicked out of a pumpkin patch in the Santa Clarita Valley for acting like two nasty, inappropriate, pumpkin-fucking whores of destruction. Yup, that's them!
Radar says that mothers who wanted to spend their afternoon picking out a pumpkin with their families instead had to soothe the faces of their crying children and close the mouths of their husbands after Courtney sashayed by in a pair of coochie-killing coochie cutters and white dick-picking-up boots (and it's after Labor Day)! After the pumpkin patch received complaint after complaint, Courtney and Dog (typo and it stays) were shown the exit. Courtney, being the good Christian girl she is, responded to this injustice by quoting the bible on Twitter:
Have a beautifully blessed Sunday! :) "Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” John 7:24
21 hours ago via web
If there was Internet access in heaven and Jesus could rewrite John 7:24 he'd change it to: "Do not judge by appearances, but do judge a nightmare creature for spreading several layers of snatch slime on a bunch of pumpkins in the Santa Clarity Valley."
But in all seriousness, Courtney getting kicked out of the pumpkin patch was an act of pure jealousy. How can anyone be prejudiced toward a naturally beautiful sunflower whose eyes were kissed by heaven's clouds (aka Bonne Bell frosted eyeshadow), whose lips are covered in sparkling unicorn semen (aka Vaseline mixed with Bonne Bell frosted eyeshadow) and whose clothes were made for her by the finest French couture house (aka one of those stripper stores on Hollywood Blvd.). Those hating families wish having a sense of dignity didn't stop them from being this classy and demure.
For more pictures of the walking Blumpkin that is Courtney and Doug, go to The Superficial and view at your own risk. Below are pictures of Courtney's obvious idol, The Empress of Lucite, turning pumpkins into lucite chariots at a pumpkin patch over the weekend. Note to Courtney: If you don't want to be kicked out of the pumpkin patch, trade your hooker boots, denim panties and creepy husband for exquisite heels, the finest dress that a handjob can buy and an ambiguously gay boy toy imported from Eastern Europe.
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Oh and I think it's hysterical that when ever celebs go to this slutty pumpkin patch they always grab the smallest pumpkin available unless they are holding two of them by their boobs.
Who is the poor guy they paid to take these pictures?
http://www.thesuperficial.com/courtney-stodden-pumpkin-patch-kicked-out-...
I think it's very inappropriate to display such disgusting behavior in public for the world to see. No one wants to see you firmly shaped body in ridiculously short shorts carrying on like some kind of third rate whore.
*crosses fingers*
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011
She actually looks 17 in some of these pics. I wonder what she looks like with no makeup on...
The Empress's boyfriend looks like the son of Bo Duke.
Self-respect and this piece of work have never met.
They got kicked out of a pumpkin patch. *snicker*
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
Submitted by ponchiks on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 1:20pm.
You can see her labia (or whatever) in those photographs that the Superficial has!
Yes, but say something nice, she shaves very well.
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But this IS my alt!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 1:21pm.
Welllll they didn't have that stripper heel (just kind of noticed that) but they were white knee high boots...and not meant for anything but a dance costume.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Where's Phoebe Price?
I would never go to that scraggly pumpkin "farm" (which is probably a parking lot with hay bales strewn around it) in a million years. I've survived 40 years without gonorrhea, not about to contract it from one of those pumpkins.
I think the reason I absolutely hate this whore more than anyone is because she has no filter, no concept of where and when certain things, outfits, etc are appropriate. She has ZERO bounderies.
Shauna's gay, errrr, guy looks like a boy band cast-off.
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Douchechill!
How dare they kick them out!! This is a sweet underage Christian girl with her not-at-all-creepy-as-fuck-pepaw husband! :p
You just made Shauna Sand look demure and tasteful. Nice job skank.
You know you've stumbled onto something dark-sided when Courtney makes Shauna Sand look nice and demure. Ahhhhhhh! WTF?
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Douchechill!
This bitch needs to can it.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Can't judge, every fucking time I walk into a pumpkin patch, I want to strip half naked and pose making sexxy times with the pumpkins.
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But this IS my alt!
Submitted by ponchiks on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 1:20pm.
You can see her labia (or whatever) in those photographs that the Superficial has!
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Which one?
She didn't even google it right. The actual quote from John 7:24 is:
Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly. - NIV
Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment. - NKJV
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I don't care if she is "17" this union should still be against the law. She needs serious therapy and he needs to be in jail.
Oh Courtney.
The sluttiest bitches I grew up with were always the "Christians." Everytime they were called out for being little whores of Babylon, they would screech "Judge not lest ye be judged!" and then go back to sucking off their boyfriends in between verses of "Jesus Loves Me."
WWJD? Well, pet, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be flashing his vulva in a pumpkin patch in SoCal.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
I love Shauna Sand's endless stream of Eurodude fuckpieces. This one is a little blond and 'special'-looking for my tastes, however.
Oh Jesus, my personal lord and saviour, what can one say about a prolific artiste such as the timeless beauty, @CourtneyStodden? A rarefied creature, with luxurious, flaxen tendrils that sensuously brush against her excited, goose-pimpled flesh as she enjoys the moist and sacrosanct union she shares with her strapping young colt of a husband. They are the picture-perfect aegis of New Hollywood - the Brangelina of a heroic new tabloid era in which all wannabe-starlet meathole whorez wear white knee-high go-go boots like they didn't know they went out of style literally fifty years ago. Not our girl Court, however, who revels in the cheeky irony of her inspired retrofab machinations. A fashion historian, she.
God bless the Stoddutchisons.
Doug is trying to look like Mickey Roarke, it's so transparent
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Why does Shauna always choose extra femme guys? Is it so her dick won't look as big?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Why does Shauna always choose extra femme guys? Is it so her dick won't look as big?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Those pics on The Superficial showing her neck and décolletage area just scream to the world "I'm 17 ya'll."
..
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Nothing like a lying good little christian whore...ummm... teenage girl.
Nothing like a lying good little christian whore...ummm... teenage girl.
MissJaneTexas
Your Pom Squad wore striper boots? Classy!
"Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” John 7:24
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Where'd she get that?! A bible verse generator?
You can see her labia (or whatever) in those photographs that the Superficial has!
kelli finglass would find those boots blasphemous.
*plays those boots were made for walkin by jsimp as background music for courtney & doug photo op*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Those shorts make him look fat
If Courtney had of stopped firing pumpkins out of her cootch like they were ping-pong balls they might have let her stay but after she hit the fourth kid from 35 feet away they said enough is enough someone's going to lose an eye here. I think it was the responsible thing to do.
I just can't with this Courtney chick.
She's just the epitome of a two-bit whore on the corner of Hollywood and Vine.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Here husband, for lack of a better phrase, looks like a MASSIVE TOOL.
She is obviously devoid of a brain. Her makeup would make a drag queen beat her with her own stripper boot.
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Put on your lip gloss, plump your chichis and let's get back to the main event.
~ Michael K
Why are you reporting on this woman? You're making her famous - z-list to be sure, but you're gradually making her able to make a living out of being a vacuous hole. Good work.
She actually looks "young" in the main picture. I will give it to her (heeeey) her body is hot. I just wonder why she stole my high school Pom Squad boots to complete her outfit. Meh.
And LOL at the Lohans! hahaha.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
I've just started rewatching LOST season 5 and now I can't unsee Courtney Stodden every time her creepy husband is on screen. All I have to say is, well played, media pimps behind this stunt. Well played.
Enough with that frosted lipstick and eyeshadow! Do they even still make that shit? Or did she save it from her 1978 prom?
Is the blond guy Shauna Sands' son/grandson or a boyfriend?
She couldn't do better than a grown man who dresses like a hillbilly hobo?
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
The difference is that The Empress of Lucite can suck that pumpkin thru a garden hose and Courtney just sux.
http://youtu.be/i9WOdnR-Nfs
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I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
HOW DARE THESE WHORES FUCK WITH PUMPKIN PATCHES!!!
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 1:13pm.
DOOOOOGIE!
OMG Derp is mah name, I was looking for actual Lohans!
^^^^^^^^^^
Okay, now I don't feel so bad. I was, too.
*redface*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I don't understand what is going on in that main pic? Is she doing bicycle situps in his arms? PUT YO ASS AWAY
Did Percy just get home from his part time job at Roto Rooter?
http://youtu.be/i9WOdnR-Nfs
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I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
DOOOOOGIE!
OMG Derp is mah name, I was looking for actual Lohans!
I think boy Ellen is kinda cute, the Empress sure picks the pretty ones!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Shauna's piece looks like a masculine Ellen Degeneres.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
courtney is def making shauna look classy.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Hey wait a minute! Courtney and DOG? RUDE!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org