So I Guess Papa Joe Isn't Going To Get That $500,000 For Jessica's Pregnancy Announcement
Papa Joe's attempt to whore out his unborn grandchild in a pregnancy announcement spread in a weekly tabloid for half a million dollars is failing harder than his attempt to convince Jessica Simpson that he's a board-certified pregnant tits masseuse. The first thorn in his plan was shoved in by OK! Magazine whose cover this week makes it look like Jessica opened up her mouth and told them personally that she's farting for two nowadays (but the "confirmation" comes from some unnamed source). The second thorn in Papa Joe's plan was shoved in by Jessica herself when she strut through JFK yesterday with a Spanx tank top full of FETUS!!!!
There goes that $500,000.....
Jessica's knocked the hell up state is about as obvious as the fact that Ashlee Simpson looks like Pete Doherty trying to shapeshift into Owen Wilson. Either Jessica's womb is full of Arby's future customer of the year, or a toddler got a little barbecue sauce on his leg during a family reunion and she sort of kind of ate him whole. They're just waiting for the toddler to pass through Jessica's digestive system before falling out the other end. Now that is an announcement worth $500,00!
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there is a huge fight going on with a few people over not knowing about her pregnancy when other people did. he was definitely trying to keep people out of it to get papers to pay for the pics and rights to knowing. no one wanted them. now it's out and he is furious over it. dude, haven't you squeezed enough fucking money out of your dumbfuck children? this was definitely not planned and not the happiest news to their family. i guess she's just miserable because now she thinks no one will care about her wedding. no one does care! about time people gave up on this horrible shit family.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
I just don't get this chick. She dates Nick for four years and the whole time makes him wait to have sex. He goes without sex for FOUR years, and then barely into the marriage she dumps him and goes on a sex romp through how many guys? Now she is pregnant out of wedlock. What a piece of work. Nick was lucky he got out of that mess, even though it hurt him when she dumped him.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Jessica isn't pregnant, that's just the result of her third trip to the buffet.
anyone who believes she makes even 10% of what her father's bogus press releases claim she makes is as dimwitted as she is
(and it sounds as if there are a lot of you who fall into this camp. WAKE UP ferchrissakes!! - you're Dlisters you're suposed to be more jaded than to fall for something like that!!!)
As an aside, I wore a pair of blonde leather, over-the-knee boots on Friday (from JS's line). I thought I was rockin' it out until I fucked up my back.
I could blame the fact that I am over 35 and should, perhaps, re-think wearing 5 inch platform heels. Or I can picture Jessica letting preggo farts fly while cobbling those boots together her dumb self and blame her.
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
Submitted by guest on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 10:57am.
bet she does a baby/toddler line next.
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Agreed. And I bet she makes bank on it.
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
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I grew up in a religious southern family, like her, and know this is KILLING papa Simpson. The humiliation is great, and he'll be in deep cover for a long, long time.
Its pretty surprising she went through w/the pregnancy at all. Surely her younger sister's kid influenced her.
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Wearing black so it doesn't show so well...
Just the "curves" command in photoshop:
http://postimage.org/image/ld5em90h5/
I hadn't seen that Ashlee Simpson in a long time. Too bad I had to see her now. Back when I didn't know who she was, I thought she was highly fuckable. Now, not so much.
Bronx has the exact same hair as my 3-year-old DAUGHTER. Ugh, I hate long hair on boys. It gender-confuses me.
Zorba: It's no wonder she's an icon of telling us how to live
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 1:17pm.
Dog]
I might hit it if I was allowed to bathe it and soak it in acid for a few hours.
^^^^^^^^^^
Okay, ew!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Dog]
I might hit it if I was allowed to bathe it and soak it in acid for a few hours.
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But this IS my alt!
Asslee looks like a complete bafoon. I feel sorry for Jessica's unborn and Asslee's son being raised/going to be raised by two complete ding bat attention whores. Same with the fathers.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 1:01pm.
What a lovely avie. Such a natural and refined beauty, that Goop!
yes, it's Goop, in HS with braces and DERP FACE!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Submitted by nocgirl on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 1:00pm.
Why is she asking for money for baby pics and announcement? That is assuming this is even true of course.
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I don't think it's her. I think it's Papa Joe. He is greedy as f*ck and will exploit his daughter as long as she is exploitable.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
wasn't jessica's belly this big when she was judging the chili cook off?
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Grainy♥!! I think that's Gwen Paltrow. I'd love to call her Gwen to her face - you know that would piss her off so bad lol.
*stiiiiiill lmfao*
LOL Sweetassss & Sally, waiting for Whamo to slober all over me!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
"I don't get it I thought her company makes like $600 million a year, why do they gotta pull this cheap ass Kardashian level shit?"
I agree I will expect KK to pimp her baby out as she does everything else but not sure why JS would. Her clothing line is super successful and I admit some of it is really cute. Why is she asking for money for baby pics and announcement? That is assuming this is even true of course.
"I don't get it I thought her company makes like $600 million a year, why do they gotta pull this cheap ass Kardashian level shit?"
I agree I will expect KK to pimp her baby out as she does everything else but not sure why JS would. Her clothing line is super successful and I admit some of it is really cute. Why is she asking for money for baby pics and announcement? That is assuming this is even true of course.
"I don't get it I thought her company makes like $600 million a year, why do they gotta pull this cheap ass Kardashian level shit?"
I agree I will expect KK to pimp her baby out as she does everything else but not sure why JS would. Her clothing line is super successful and I admit some of it is really cute. Why is she asking for money for baby pics and announcement? That is assuming this is even true of course.
Snowy!!
I like your derp. Kinda looks like Charile Bucket from Willie Wonka.
snowy omg I love your avie!! BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAAAA
derp derp derp
She had her roots done so it must be just bad gas and a good fart will take care of it.
Now Michael Douglas' son plead guilty to having drugs in jail
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
It's baffling to me as to why he would think he could get that much money for her. Like, since when is she relevant?
*Change is inevitable; progress is optional
*She who conquers herself, conquers all
LMAO snowy!!! *chokes*
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011
reply • report abuse Submitted by Feral on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 12:17pm. Well, good luck to her. I kind of feel bad for her, seems she has quite a few people in her life that enjoy a celebrity lifestyle that will likely require her financial support for a long, long time. I agree with the poster who says baby & toddler line probably on the way as well. Better work it, girl.
Already here...I work in retail and we got a shipment of kids (actually all cute stuff) clothes in last week.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
;P xoxoxoxoxooxoxox
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Snowy you BITCH! lol,<3 xo.
Like GP's still shooting live ones!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
As if fucker. Nar, am godmother to one due in 19 weeks!
Submitted by EastEndGirl on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 12:42pm.
M.E., taking my sick ass off for some sleep. Send me your guess. We are doing the baby's room in Winnie the Phoo, and GP says if it's a boy that doesn't wash. (eejit)
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Are you pregnant??????? o_O
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011
M.E., taking my sick ass off for some sleep. Send me your guess. We are doing the baby's room in Winnie the Phoo, and GP says if it's a boy that doesn't wash. (eejit)
Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 12:07pm.
Assleee will NEVER be anywhere near as cool as dreamboat Pete.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Would you hit it? Dreamboat - not Asslee.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
mail whore.
EEG - I couldn't find a pic in your photos or on your wall of a preggo chick. Help a bitch out.
_I'm surprised she isn't talking and talking about it. I'd think she'd be so thrilled to blurt it out. She's probably embarrassed she's not married yet.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Why does Ashlee wear that God awful, idiotic hat?
Dance a jig again, girl. You'd look less stupid.
OH, I'm marvulous at guess the sex. I thought my girl was a boy and my boy was a girl...
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But this IS my alt!
Submitted by Sweetas on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 12:13pm.
Uvy I'm with you...she's carrying low so I say boy too.
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Yeppers. Flat and wide instead of high and round.
My cousin's wife called my third boy looking at me from the back and she's never wrong. I wanted to cry. No pink babies for Uvy!
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
M.E., please go to fb and look at my godchild bump. Keeps hiding in the ultrasounds!
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 12:21pm.
Uvy - I have to see her without the jacket, or cover ups before I can guess the babys sex.
I have a 98% correct guess record.
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I'm freakishly good at guessing gender too. I don't know much about "carrying high/carrying low" and what that means, but I get a good feeling for what it will be most of the time with my friends.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by fredfred on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 12:16pm.
and jess looks thinner pregnant than she did non-knocked up. how does that work?
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Same for Beyonce. Maybe the belly and/or pillow just makes everything else look smaller in comparison.
I have no real hate for Jessica (I sure as hell did during her Newlyweds/Daisy Duke phase when she was ALWAYS on tv). I get the feeling she's less dumb than she pretends to be.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Uvy - I have to see her without the jacket, or cover ups before I can guess the babys sex.
I have a 98% correct guess record.
Whether or not she is, those are NOT pregnancy friendly hoof covers. And I agree they are FUG, the "lip" at the platform and the peeking socks only accentuate the fact.
Congrats I guess...I find her to be a ditz and harmless but good on her parents (pimps) for selling her name as a trademark to make MILLIONS.
Now she can eat for THREE...
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Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing. I see him starring at me, I see what he wants be
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>:- (
Mr. Mercury ♥
Well, good luck to her. I kind of feel bad for her, seems she has quite a few people in her life that enjoy a celebrity lifestyle that will likely require her financial support for a long, long time. I agree with the poster who says baby & toddler line probably on the way as well. Better work it, girl.
Submitted by sinjin on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 12:03pm.
I get so incensed at non-Catholics wearing rosaries like fasion accessories!
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Hahaha, I know right? Like non Amish guys who wear beards cause it looks cool. That really cooks my noodles.