Somewhere in Buckingham Palace, THE QUEEN! is pacing back and forth and is filled with so much worry that she’s about to order one of her maids to queef into her pocketbook over the rumor from The Daily Mail that the third in line to the throne is tapping his fiery scepter on the common pussy of an American (OFF!) cocktail waitress (‘ER!) who wears white Juicy Couture sweatsuits (‘EAD!).
A source tells the DM that two weeks ago, Prince Hot Ginge took a break from his helicopter training to guzzle down on the sweet nectar at the Andaz Hotel in San Diego. That’s where he met 26-year-old Jessica Donaldson, a “VIP cocktail waitress” at the Ivy Club who captured the royal loins of PHG with her vast knowledge of the American cinematic classic Laguna Beach and her ability to suck out a Jell-O shot from across a crowded room. The source says that since they met at the Andaz Hotel, they had lunch and went to see some jazz thing at The Belly Up Tavern.
I know I should be writing this on a Greyhound Bus as I make my way to San Diego to rip out that SoCal skank’s swap meet weave and force her to spit in my hand (Well, if she touched tongues with PHG, that means she has some of his saliva on her!!!), but I don’t mind this. Kate Middleton is a stick of boring with a dollop of pretty hair on top. Princess Jessica is just the kind of demure and delicate flower the English people really need. Kate is like Talbots and Princess Jessica is like a Frederick’s white sale. It’s meant to be. Princess Jessica is even inked with the crest of the English roses and Blue Curacao runs through her veins, which is the same thing as being a blue blood.
And Princess Jessica is already the luckiest slut on the planet since she can now tell her grandchildren that Prince Hot Ginge fucked her on a military base once.