Breaking snooze! These high resolution pictures are so crystal clear that it could really be Jonathan Lipnicki (Happy Birthday!) on stilts and La Pequena (never 4get) on stilts for all the hell I know, but apparently it’s Ryan Reynolds and Marble Mouth McTitties leaving his Boston apartment with their dogs really early this morning.
Yes, Blake NotSoLively and Ryan Reynolds are still fucking. And they both fucked me over the other night, because I made the wrong decision of streaming Green Lantern. We know what the green in that lantern was, because both of them looked like stoned sloths half of the time. If their off-screen chemistry is as dead as their on-screen chemistry then watching them fuck must feel like watching an overcooked linguine noodle try to shove itself in a bowl of Cream of Rice.
And if seeing Blake with Ryan instead of Sandra Bullock is really tearing up your insides then please slap yourself thrice. Then after you do that, just tell yourself that this is Sandra Bullock in a kitchen ass wig and she’s carrying Baby Louis who is wearing a hoodie made of poodle fur. All better, right?