Behold! The Faces Of The Butterfly Unicorn Kitty Twins!
On last night's 20/20, Barbara Walters (who I swear is slowly morphing into Michele Kleier from HGTV's Selling New York) introduced the world to the faces of the BABIES!!! that will soon grace Japan's national flag and will soon be covered in more body glitter than a go go dancer at a gay club. Moroccan and Monroe (I can't, you can't, we still all can't with those names) made their public debut six months after a light pink Pegasus delivered them to Mimi and Nick Cannon in a basket made of rainbow kisses.
You know, I was completely ready to give one of those awkward smiles and shifty eyeball moves you give when you see a newborn baby that looks like it just burst out of John Hurt's stomach. Every part of me knew that the Sanrio twinlings would look like you shouldn't give them water after dark, but then a Lisa Frank sunshine ray hit their faces and I completely melted into a giant puddle of ovaries. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Yes, the bong smoke was operating my emotions, but still. This shouldn't happen. Most babies look like an old man ass with possum eyes to me, but Mimi's newborn lamblets are pretty adorable. Roc and Roe look like cartoon mice that should be singing "Somewhere Out There" to each other and shit.
Mimi told Barbara that after her first miscarriage, she got on progesterone to conceive her Hello Twinsies. Mimi's pregnancy was as pleasant as watching Glitter sober and she had several false labors and toward the end she could barely move her beached whale ass without help from the coast guard and volunteers. If you care, you can watch the entire interview here. There's also a billion more pictures on a website Mimi burped up called DemBabies which is devoted to her twins. Yes, it's a mess.
And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find pictures of Kardashians wearings Krocs to get my emotions in the right cunt place again.