No Pair Of Pants Can Conquer Xtina’s Mighty Thighs

October 21, 2011 / Posted by:

Xtina continued her never-ending anti-pants protest in Los Angeles yesterday by bringing the thunder and her spandex-covered labia to the Agent Provocateur store. You don’t have to wonder about what she spent her money on there, because I’m sure in the very near future she’ll wear it on the street with nothing but heels and a scarf. Xtina obviously follows of my one fashion rules: if the clit isn’t in plain view and your nipples aren’t eating air, then you’re ready to strut your shit out in public.

Yes, Xtina just needs a pickle jar shoved in her mouth and she’d be the spitting image of a “before she had money” picture of Snooki, but that’s not what offends me the most. It’s the trucker hat! The trucker hat was supposed to be buried deep inside 2001’s grave and it keeps coming back. I mean, the trucker hat is obviously what’s keeping Xtina’s “weekday morning-shift stripper going to work” look from being the epitome of expensive sophistication.

I’m alone in this, but I’m not even mad at Xtina for hating pants. Somebody has to continue doing Edith Massey’s good work.

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