Pull Joey Lawrence's Wax Figure Out Of The Sun! It's Melting!

If you molded a Raven from RuPaul's Drag Race statue out of Kellan Lutz's hard ripped shits (yes, even his shits have a six-pack on them), Madge's escapee arm veins and Jodie Marsh's old face, then covered it with whatever you cover a Barbie with, threw a chestnut-colored FLOR tile on its head and pinched its face until it looked like it was trying to push out a fart through its nipple holes, you'd have Joey Lawrence in a completely natural and not-at-all staged glamour shoot in the middle of a West Hollywood park the other day.

If you unplugged those plugs and dropped a miniature beret on top of his head, he'd be the white Blaine Edwards! Three snaps toward a bottle of Pepto-B, because Joey looks like he has the runs and is trying to hold in a butt plug at the same time (the butt plug is winning). LOVED-ED IT!

Hair plug maintenance, weekly body fur removal and anus tinting don't pay for themselves, so flex your way to that money, bitch. Let the flames of jealousy shooting off of your haters' eyes singe your stray brow hairs so they stay looking like they just stepped off of the face of a Disney evil queen. Twerk, werk, whoa!

Bauer Griffin

Posted by: Michael K

•

Submitted by Soultonic on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 3:09pm.

but I'd still hit it.

*************
Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful

Submitted by Soultonic on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 3:09pm.

This bitch shaves his asshole.

*************
Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful

Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 8:51am.

He needs to guest on Jersey Shore.

Submitted by MizRo on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 5:45am.

He takes his body waaaay too seriously: thank goodness he grew back some hair, he was a bit frightening without it.

Submitted by MizRo on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 5:45am.

He takes his body waaaay too seriously: thank goodness he gre back some hair, he was a bit frightening without it.

Submitted by Newportjoey on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:20pm.

I scanned everything 2x's and what's missing is a boner or even a "whisper" of a boner.....nothing....

"If Drinks are not involved, then neither am I"

Submitted by Glen on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 4:21pm.

He has been married twice - still is to his second wife - he is 35...boring stuff..

rumor has it he always has and always will like boys on the side - and has a good sized dick for his small stature - like 8 on his frame would look giant.

Submitted by ladystink on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 3:04pm.

It looks like Trader Joe's store brand water does a body good. He looks 45 years old. Could he be 45? I must be the curse of having been a child star. Or maybe it's the wig.

Submitted by SnAtChQuAtCh on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 1:48pm.

Is he gay? Anyone know? Cause I'm about to pounce.

Submitted by 3rd Eye Blonde on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 1:45pm.

That has got to be one of the gayest photos ever. There is no way in hell this guy is straight.

Submitted by SnAtChQuAtCh on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 1:42pm.

Okay I'm back! I wanna bottom this guy out on my CACK. Clench those tight buns around my DECK...yea, baby! That's the spot!

Submitted by SnAtChQuAtCh on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 1:39pm.

I would do dirty, NASTY things to this boy. I'm gonna jerk off to his pics.

Submitted by WipeOutPutOutGetOut on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 12:39pm.

Is he short? I hate muscle guys with a complex. Speaking as a seasoned whore, big muscle on a little guy = tiny penis 9 times oit of 10.

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 11:37am.

Breakdown,

If you get with him, pls let me know his dong size, cause I swear every woman I've known that dates dudes like this all have complained of shrunken-peen syndrome. *shudders at the visual of tiny, greasy peen*

_____
Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e

Submitted by TheBreakdown on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 11:33am.

OMG, he is totally channeling Udo Kier in the main photo!

Am I alone here?

(I'd still hit it though!)

*reports self*

***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©

Submitted by TheBreakdown on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 11:31am.

What is this?

A Bow-Flex commercial?!

That being said...

I'd totally GO ON THAT.

***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 11:31am.

Is this for real? I hate men that look hairless and greasy like this. These are tiny-meat men.

_____
Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e

Submitted by kylimayrow on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 11:17am.

I was watching AMC fearfeast last night and I looked up his little brother because he played the little boy imprisoned in Debbie Harry's evil, witch kitchen in that hot mess of a beautiful movie "Tales From the Darkside Movie", anyways his lil bro grew up much better looking and not so plucked as Mz. Joey. Also, I must say that the movie had some amazing actors come out of it including Juliana Moore and Steve Buscemi. It also stared David Johansen the lead singer of the NY Dolls...love that movie!

Submitted by saltydog88 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 11:11am.

I walk by that park all the time, it is between my BF's office and all the good Weho happy hour spots...why isn't he there when I am?

Submitted by lynniepoo on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 10:22am.

I guess I should be embarassed that I actually DVR Joey and Melissa just to see him but alas I am not. Seriously, he looks scary in these pics but on the show he looks yum. I saw him interviewed on Chelsea Lately. Ross-the-intern guy did the interview (not Chelsea) and he was literally drooling over Joey and Joey took it in good fun. He actually seemed like a really nice guy. Apparently Joey has two little girls and is married.

Submitted by LA on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 10:21am.

Meh. Someone wake me when there are new pictures of Joe Man Jello.

Submitted by Ms. Lizard on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:36am.

I'm sorry I can't look at him all greasy and ripped like Jesus. It makes me uncomfortable ...Whoa...

Submitted by Ms.Fit on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:22am.

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:33am.

If I see this waxed nipped headed POWER BOTTOM *winks at guest* one more time when I refresh for my Dlist fix you're gonna find me in a bell tower taking pot shots at people.

LOL, I'll bring rocks to throw. At people.

Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:18am.

"Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:20am.

And he's working out in WeHo??? How many numbers did he collect? Is he looking for a sugar daddy? Showing up all manicured in WeHo? I see you Joey!!

*snaps in a circle*"

Best comment about this thread.
--------------------------------------
"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.

I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."

Submitted by Chucks on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:16am.

Oh my god what is he dooooing?! lolol.

Submitted by Ms.Fit on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:13am.

He looks like he's auditioning for a DOUCHE commercial. And I see noooo pucker.

Submitted by SoulTaker on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:06am.

He can't act.

Submitted by Crawford67 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:41am.

I would so hit that in so many ways....____________________________________________

If somebody gets in your way step on them.

Submitted by Fronika on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:35am.

His head looks too big for his body.

"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin

Submitted by J.A.C. on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:23am.

I would hit that so many times.

Submitted by HangryHippo on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:23am.

wow i seriously thought this was jodie marsh at first glance. scary!
joey needs to be in a free flexor video for realz. gay porn is basically the next step.

www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack

Submitted by J.A.C. on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:21am.

I WOULD HIT THAT. Yumbly in my tumbly!

Submitted by guest on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:13am.

*blushes furiously @ whamo's wink...smiles knowingly*

*drums fingers*

******************

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:10am.

MK, that description is awesome! LOL

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Submitted by OneLiner on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:10am.

I like his show with Melissa joan Hart, thats the only nice thing I can say...

********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********

Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:09am.

Submitted by snowpiece: "...I always had a crush on the other brother (so did Blossom, I just read an interview with her the other day and she said that) I am FB friends with him and everything, LOL"

Oooh, I liked him, too! He did a commercial years later and it made me feel bad for him, like he was struggling or something, but I guess it's pretty common for actors and they're glad for the dough, so it's all good.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:08am.

Too short.

Plus, wasn't he on some ghey ass NBC show,like Blossom?

Submitted by vegetablelollipop on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:07am.

S/HE

Submitted by LaChaylo on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:05am.

Joey who?

Let's move on to the probable break up of Kim and Baby Huey. I am so ready to read some delicious snark!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Put on your lip gloss, plump your chichis and let's get back to the main event.
~ Michael K

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:03am.

Has MK fallen asleeeeeeeeep?

If I see this waxed nipped headed POWER BOTTOM *winks at guest* one more time when I refresh for my Dlist fix you're gonna find me in a bell tower taking pot shots at people.

Submitted by sushi on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:01am.

I seriously hate plucked/shaped eyebrows on men. Metrosexual doesn't appeal to me at all.

Submitted by justincase on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:00am.

I might recognize him if he plopped a floppy, curly, brown wig on his head.

Submitted by boston61 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:55am.

So funny when born beautiful people try to make themselves even more beautiful and ruin everything. You look like a plucked chicken Joey. Leave yourself alone!

Submitted by justincase on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:53am.

I had to Wiki this fool to see if he was actually that fool on Blossom. Quelle surprise and "freaking weird".

Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:51am.

Submitted by Dog on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:44am.

Hahaha, he looks freaking weird either way.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Douchechill!

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:50am.

And he's working out in WeHo??? How many numbers did he collect? Is he looking for a sugar daddy? Showing up all manicured in WeHo? I see you Joey!!

*snaps in a circle*

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:46am.

I was always amazed that he was cast as Blossom's brother. WTH? I guess it happens. One kid gets aaallllll the looks in the family.

Submitted by YesterdaysTrashQueen on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:44am.

How did he manage to get facetransplant of the Toby Maguire/Jude Law hybrid?

Factoid: Shorty guys can easily get this way versus normal stature guys....and the roids don't hurt the process either. He's top heavy.

********************************************
"I love fast and I love hard."-MK

Submitted by Sweetas on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:42am.

Whoa! He looks nothing like himself! Nice bod, but where's the pic of him bent over and spreading it a la Rich Bitch's avie? You know there's at least one.

Submitted by rotten_egg on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:40am.

Blossom's brother? WOW!. I kept looking at his face trying to find out who he is, but never would've guessed all by myself. Thanks.

He doesn't look that bad in the face, he just looks like he bathed in plastic... but there's nothing a brown paper bab will not solve and if he's gay, it's not like whoever's humping him will see his face from behind.

**************
-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.