Papa Joe Wants $500,000 To Tell The World What We Already Know

October 20, 2011 / Posted by:

If hos think Beyonce is wearing a pillow baby then they must think that Jessica Simpson is wearing a California King mattress baby, because she looks like she’s carrying a fetus that is about the size of that baby sitting on the table. (Sidenote: Your suspicions are correct. That’s fear bleeding through that baby’s eyes and he’s hoping Jessica Simpson doesn’t smell the banana baby food on his breath. She’ll mistake him for a bananas fosters dumpling and swallow him whole. It’s happened before.) But Papa Joe seems to think in his Christian pimp head of his that the news EVERYONE already knows is worth some cheese (not that kind of cheese, Jessica, put your ladle away) and he wants the tabloids to drop it in his lap. Page Six put it like this:

Sources told Page Six that Simpson, with the help of her father/manager, Joe Simpson, refused to say she is expecting until she had a deal in place. The the singer/fashion designer and mentor on NBC’s “Fashion Star” had been shopping a deal to the celebrity weeklies to announce the news and sell the eventual baby photos. We’re told the Simpsons were asking up to $500,000 to close the deal.

And Jessica has been hiding an obvious bump in recent photos to keep showbiz’s worst kept secret. Last night OK! posted the cover story, “Yes, I’m Having A Baby.”

Papa Joe needs to slap himself straight to church if he thinks Jessica’s stupid pregnancy announcement is worth half a million dollars. That heffalump heffa’s obvious news isn’t even worth 500 Chuck E. Cheese tokens (which can be traded in for a pizza slice). During her Newlyweds days, she might have gotten $500 and a box of titty cream for Nick, but not today. Bitch is a glorified cobbler who can’t even cobble!

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