Lindsay Lohan is one flash closer to dethroning Khia as the mug shot queen (and also one flash closer to becoming the new Faces of Meth timeline) thanks to this glamour portrait she posed for yesterday afternoon after Judge Stephanie Sautner took back her probation again and ordered her into a pair of handcuffs (which I hope she stole and stashed in her chonies to sell on eBay later). This is the sixth (the fifth one we’ve seen) picture of pride that is sitting inside of a frame on White Oprah’s mantel. I have to say this isn’t LiLo’s best work in front of the mug shot camera. You can give better mug shot, bitch!
The good news is that somebody took a Baby Wipe and some Desitin to those diarrhea streaks that were scooted on her cheeks. The bad news is that this is some Who Ya Gonna Call? shit. Bitch looks like she should have one of those red NO symbols over her for several reasons. It’s like Lurch time warped into the early 80s for some good coke. One cheek is stepping to the left and the other cheek is stepping to the right.
Meanwhile, as soon as LiLo stomped on the floor of the courthouse, out came a pussy-kicking roach who ran straight to the media to give his expert opinion on why his daughter’s teeth look like she’s rinsing her mouth out with the water from a broken toilet in a rest stop bathroom. Michael Lohan said this to Jane Velez-Mitchell on her HLN (via Radar) show yesterday:
“She’s an addict, she doesn’t care and she’s in denial. She’s smoking either crack or meth, either one or the other. I’m not going to shade it. I want her in a treatment program for a year. Nothing is going to change in her life. She’s going to be appearing before judges in the future if she doesn’t get help, instead of doing community service in the morgue she’s going to wind up in the morgue.”
I’m not one to defend LiLo’s dumb bitch crack antics, but if I had a father who looked like the dried foreskin from a turtle’s dick and couldn’t stop opening his trash hole to the media about what a fucked up mess I am, I would permanently move into a sauna that only puffed out crack smoke. Oh, fuck me in the think hole, I just gave LiLo an idea.