FYI: Jamie Bell Knows How To Please A Woman
11 years ago you were screaming "Dance, Billy, dance!" at Jamie Bell as Billy Elliot, and now suddenly you're screaming "Flick, Billy, flick!" at an all grown up Jamie Bell. 25-year-old Jamie, who is twirling his tongue on Evan Rachel Wood nowadays, was asked by British GQ what he thinks is a skill every man should put on his resume. If you can't see Jamie as anything other than a boy child who can dazzle any dancefloor with the shards of magic that shoot off of his toes when he dances, then you'll want to cover your eyes and think of white tutus. Because Jamie leaped through puberty and gets the hornies all the time now. Spread your legs, grab onto Jamie's handlebars ears and get some of this:
What's the best way to impress a woman?
Buy her flowers? Take her home on the weekend to meet your mother? No. Let's cut to the primal - be good in the sack. [Slaps thighs] Have an understanding of what's going on down there and have fun, awesome sex.What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
What's the best penis I've ever seen?No! Actually, what is the best penis you've ever seen?
[Collapses into laughter] That is a good question. The best piece of advice I ever received was "Don't fuck your publicist." Russell Crowe told me that. It's probably a smart move. [Both of his publicists are now in the room, attempting to bring the interview to a close] No! It's GQ!What skill should every man have?
Skill? You know what I'm going to say. A man should have a good understanding of a vagina. He should be good at oral sex. On a woman.You do realise you've got another publicist standing right behind you?
I don't care. A skill a man should have? Making fires and pleasing a woman. In the vaginal area.
"In The Vaginal Area" really needs to be the title of Jamie's memoirs.
Jamie should've just tattooed FIRE-MAKING HETERO on his forehead for those out there who didn't get the point that he's a pussy-eating heterosexual man who crushes beer cans on his forehead when he's not taming the clit or making a fire. Jamie is so hetero that sometimes he crushes a beer can on his forehead while taming the clit and making a fire at the same time. We get it, Jamie. You've traded in pirouettes for pussy.
Jamie is right, though. I can only love a man if he knows how to eat a pussy. If he flinches when I scream, "YES! Eat that dick like a pussy!" at him, then I'm so not going to give him a good review on the customer satisfaction card he gives me afterward.
But really, isn't making a fire and orally pleasing a lady sort of the same thing. That's what it looks like in straight porn, anyway. The dude gets really close to the lady's coochie, handles it gently with his fingers at first and then rubs it really, really hard while blowing on it. I always wait for him to use a mirror to shine sunlight at her coochie so it starts to spark and he can finally make s'mores on it later.
The only part of cunnilingus that is not like making a fire is when the dude spits on her clitoris. I know I've said this before, but for why must he do this?! That is not sexy. Unless the clit is dull or he sees the face of Michael Lohan on it, he shouldn't spit at it! Have some common courtesy!
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Jamie is right on. Remember that Colin Farrell sex tape? Uh, yeah. It's all about knowing how to make ladybusiness parts happy, gentlemen.
*has spontaneous orgasm*
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
Jamie has 'sizemeat-ears'
Please post link to nude photos!
Submitted by LunaChick on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:56am.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:26am.
It's so hard to find someone completely compatible sexually. But, I think I may have finally found my "perfect, no-strings-attached lover".
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Congrats! You get it, girl. I'll be envying all the wild sex you be having :)
I'd let this guy give me oral just to test these great skills he claims to have. Not unlike Napoleon Dynamite.
Just the same, I just about like any attention to my pussy... though no, don't think I want slobbers. I get wet like a faucet.
Submitted by gines on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:10pm.
The best kind of oral: Slow, soft, sensual.
The worst kind of oral: Spitting, slobbering, speedy.
Also, I'd let him. But only if he danced for me first.
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I agree 100%! Slow, soft and sensual is the best. And there is nothing like a guy that loves, loves, loves giving oral sex. It is such a turn on! Very sexy. If a guy won't give then neither will I! I cannot stand a selfish lover.
Does Khia have anything to add to this conversation? After all, SHE wrote the book on heterosexual oral sex... if you consider "My Neck, My Back (Lick It)" a masterpiece of popular culture.
there's nicer porn out there, y'all...porn between people who actually like/love each other. not to sound like mr. tweak or anything but it's porn...the way it should be.
Whenever one of these guys talks about vagina that much it makes me think he's a ghey.
Jamie is damn right! Men SHOULD be good at oral sex. That and also good at kissing. If a guy can't kiss then I don't bother going any further. Yummy kissing is to die for.
I agree with you Rotten_Egg that porn teaches bad habits. That speed humping isnt sensual at all. And whats with the marathon blow jobs and the chick only gets a lick or two??? Make the back of my head blow off or just go to sleep!
I always wait for him to use a mirror to shine sunlight at her coochie so it starts to spark and he can finally make s'mores on it later.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
He's got a case of the gay face. I ain't buyin' what he's sellin'.
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Submitted by boston61 on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:46pm.
He is very young. Soon he will find out that what women really want is a guy who has no sex drive and who has a very big bank account.
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Just letting you know I replied to you yesterday that I am not a single mother.
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"She's supposed to be an actress, from what I hear."
-Judge Stephanie Sautner
Submitted by Agnostic 1 on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:49pm.
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:32pm.
Awwww! I feel so sad for some of you girls!! Guess I've been really lucky with my sex partners...most of them loved giving oral (and getting DUH lol) and were pretty good at it. A couple were even fantastic.
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Lucky you! What do you girls think is worse, a partner who looooves to go downtown because he *firmly believes* he's a cunnilingus PhD but isn't. Or one who will only do it once every couple of years but when he does it he becomes the Lord of Oral Pleasure complete with all kinds of super powers?
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Lol! Damn. I'd say the first option is better because, with gentle guidance, most people can be taught what to do in bed. With option two, I'd wonder why he's withholding the good stuff if he knows it rocks my world.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:54pm.
hahahahah boston finally said something I agree with!
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I know. Right?!
*takes temperature*
I loved Billy Elliot so I know feel like a dirty old woman for feeling "tingly".
Oh yeah the ears - no problem, something to hang onto!
Agnostic I would take the first one, and try to teach him. Guys usually love to see that they're making their woman go crazy. :)
hahahahah boston finally said something I agree with!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
lol jacko! ;p
And pron style can be a LOT of fun but DON'T spit on me (wtf??) or demean me or you might end up in the ER wif a broke dick.
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:23pm.
gines: I watched your stand up, that was funny! E Hormony, LOL
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Haha, thank you! It was my first open mike, so I was a little nervous. But practice makes perfect, I guess.
Just like banging.
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you seem spritely.
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:32pm.
Awwww! I feel so sad for some of you girls!! Guess I've been really lucky with my sex partners...most of them loved giving oral (and getting DUH lol) and were pretty good at it. A couple were even fantastic.
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Lucky you! What do you girls think is worse, a partner who looooves to go downtown because he *firmly believes* he's a cunnilingus PhD but isn't. Or one who will only do it once every couple of years but when he does it he becomes the Lord of Oral Pleasure complete with all kinds of super powers?
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"How nice, to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."
- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
He is very young. Soon he will find out that what women really want is a guy who has no sex drive and who has a very big bank account.
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:36am.
I would never allow him down there, because I would be afraid that his ears would create a vortex.
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Bahahahaha! What an image! =D
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Jamie, love ya' ma man!
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:32pm.
And yeah, go down or GO HOME.
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LMAOOOOOOO :P
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011
*doh*
Now I know who he is! He was a very close front runner to being the most annoying character in King Kong, with Jack Black being the winner!
He's sort of right. Most men don't know how to please a woman and their most likely "technique" is to hump her like a dog humps on a bitch, as fast as possible. And I also blame that on porn. At first it's amusing because you get to see a naked human body on it's "full glory" for the first time, but it's another thing to have sex with someone using a replica of their actions.
Since I'm older now, I don't get turned on at all. I know it's fake and I know the woman doesn't feel shit, but she goes on and on and on with the fake moaning and screeching. And yeah, even between chicks. They do stuff to each other like a pair of frigid robots.
So dudes, quit with the porn and learn how to do a woman right.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Awwww! I feel so sad for some of you girls!! Guess I've been really lucky with my sex partners...most of them loved giving oral (and getting DUH lol) and were pretty good at it. A couple were even fantastic.
And yeah, go down or GO HOME.
FACT: Jamie Bell and Evan Rachel Wood were dating BEFORE she dumped his ass for Marilyn Manson.
He can brag all he wants about his alleged prowess in the sack, but he's a pussy-whipped tool for getting back together with her.
HOT!!!!!!!!!
*flick flick*
100% troof! men need to know how to lick the kitteh.
gines: I watched your stand up, that was funny! E Hormony, LOL
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Did he just reach puberty? Also so adding him to my sig.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
"In the vaginal area" -Jamie Bell
OT OT OT:
Lindsay Lohan was 40 MINUTES LATE arriving at the Coroner's Office & was turned away. They notified the volunteer center. Fucking bitch! She doesn't give a damn because she knows she will NEVER go to jail.
Also, Mohammar Ghaddafi ist tot. Dead, he is dead.
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"How nice, to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."
- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
Submitted by ritzyroxie on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:14pm.
That shit has ruined sleigh rides for me.
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LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011
I'm with ba-buttons. Everybody needs an older lovah to show em what's what. No pedo shit--consenting adults. When I was 19 I hooked up with a 45 year old. Hell to the yes, he schooled my ass. My next boyfriend actual asked me the dreaded "where'd you learn to do that??"
Shut yo lying non-poon licking ass lips the f*ck up. Wanna know how I know how ur lying...because you always look like ur ready for take-off with those floppy earwings.
I wouldn't let him near my "area," let alone my vaginal one. He must still be going thru that goofy puberty stage.
I wonder if anyone has ever hung onto those elephant ears while he was going down on them ...
Cute face ... big fuckin' ears.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:14pm.
LOL at all the spitters... if you're doing it right there's no need for spit OR lube.
^^Truth
Submitted by ba-buttons on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:10pm.
*ba-buttons phantom tongues cougar muff in gratitude*
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*heaves*
Why do people call it a muff?! That shit has ruined sleigh rides for me.
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A beauty that makes abuelitas pray for our sinful souls is my kind of beauty. -MK 9/12/11
YAAAAAAASS! -Sage Khia
LOL at all the spitters... if you're doing it right there's no need for spit OR lube.
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011
who is this?
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
he's right, and he should call me.
He has a touch of the BCoop crazy eyes. When a chick is yelping and wiggling and hitting him on the head when he goes downtown, she's trying to get away. Signals crossed!
Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:59am.
I'm pretty sure that what guys do in porn is not what women like in real life.
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I did a whole stand up bit the other night about how unsexy I find porn to be. When guys go down in a porn, they look like a dog lapping at a water bowl. If they do that quick head shaking, which guys have done to me before, it looks stupid. And I personally don't like the jackrabbit constant pounding sex they portray in porn.
This is why I don't randombang anymore. Too much risk of having a terrible sexual encounter. Boyfriend or bust.
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you seem spritely.
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella
how many minutes do men usually last during the actual act irl?
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
The best kind of oral: Slow, soft, sensual.
The worst kind of oral: Spitting, slobbering, speedy.
Also, I'd let him. But only if he danced for me first.
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you seem spritely.
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella
Submitted by sinjin on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:02pm.
Submitted by ethang on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31am.
This is for the ladies. Do straight men like going down?
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Sure, pleasing a partner is always fun. Heightens their lust and is a bit of an ego boost.
When I was 21 I hooked up with a 38 yr old cougar who put me through cunnilingus boot camp. I owe her everything. I'd never say I'm an expert but I've received some nice compliments since.
It scares me to think just how poor a lover I would be now if it weren't for her. *ba-buttons phantom tongues cougar muff in gratitude*
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"...Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf..."
Porn is usually either sad or ridiculous or both. Do NOT spit on or around my vag!!!! The women in porn are "selling it" as mah boo would say. I doubt they're enjoying it.
Hmmm, is porn the reason alot of guys are clueless in the sack?
Submitted by ethang on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31am.
Do straight men like going down?
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it's my favorite thing to do...
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011
Submitted by ethang on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31am.
This is for the ladies. Do straight men like going down? I knew plenty like to receive but is it mutual?
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Based on my mostly good fortune...yes. :-p
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)