A Very Good Reason For Why We Should Cancel Christmas

October 19, 2011 / Posted by:

Some doctors might say that I burned away most of my brain cells from watching every season of Footballers Wives at least 12 times and from snorting the insides of a Dexatrim pill as a dare once. But the truth is that they all ate themselves out of madness from working retail during holiday times and listening to the same 15 damn stupid Christmas songs over and over again.

This song, that is already #1 on iTunes, will join the evil army of yuletide melody terrorists this holiday shopping season. It’s Jason Mraz burping repeatedly as a lesbian beaver from up north breathes out mistletoe(and cameltoe)-killing note after mistletoe-killing note. It will ruin your holidays. It will also be the reason why you’ll have no gifts to give to your loved ones this year. Every time this mess comes on in a store, you’ll have no choice but to punch everything and everyone in the aisles as you run out of there to crash head first into the nearest tree. Your loved ones will understand. It’s a natural tick.

Also, note to Justin Bieber: When the shawty you’re calling a shawty is about as shawty as you, you shouldn’t call her a shawty. You should call her an astallasme-ey, or something.

via The Hairpin

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