Lindsay Lohan’s Probation Revoked

October 19, 2011 / Posted by:

Judge Stephanie delivered the quote of the year and deserved a round of slow claps when she looked at Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer in court today and said: “She is supposed to be an actress, from what I hear.” Judge Stephanie probably practiced that word slap in front of a compact mirror in her chambers all damn morning and she deserves all the Emmys for it!

After Judge Stephanie pretty much set fire to every shit excuse that LiLo’s lawyer threw out for why she didn’t show up to her community service at the Women’s Center and why she skipped out on her court-appointed therapy sessions, White Oprah’s main ho stroll ho got her probation snatched away from her and was taken away in handcuffs in front of the cameras. There’s your holiday card!

Judge Stephanie threw a shady eye at the Probation Department for giving LiLo a gold star report when she barely completed any community service hours and said that she found the Women’s Center not “fulfilling” enough for her. The Probation Department moved LiLo to the Red Cross to do her community service, but Judge Stephanie says that they didn’t have any right to do that and the hours she completed there will not count.

LiLo’s bail was set at $100,000 and once White Oprah finishes giving a handjob and tongue lick to the bondsman in the parking lot of the courthouse, she will be released. LiLo’s probation violation hearing has been set for November 2nd. She could get over a year in jail, but that’s not going to happen due to overcrowding.

She’ll also have to complete at least 16 hours a week at the morgue before the hearing. Haven’t the dead bodies been through?! Well, at least there’s a chance she’ll find whatever is left of her career there.

You know, I’m saving all my exclamation points for when (and if) she ends up in jail. You know that shit’s not going to happen. This is just a repeat from last time. Judge Stephanie goes hard on LiLo, threatens that she’s going to be eating cell mate snatch behind bars and it never happens. LiLo ends up fucking the justice system in the ass without lube and she’s back out on the streets buying “quartz” from mineral street merchants. THIS WILL NEVER END!

But more importantly, that live feed should be used in schools as a PSA to promote a drug free America. Bitch’s eyeballs were TWEAKING out of their sockets so hard that it made me feel like I just put meth drops in my own eyes. It’s like tiny tweekers were operating her eye muscles for her.

And with those zombie shit stains on her cheeks, she looked like the Cryptkeeper on the wrong kind of tina. (FYI: the wrong kind of tina = crystal meth and the right kind of tina – the music of Tina Louise)

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