At the NYC premiere of Margin Call last night, Zoe Kravitz, Cuntsantine Mouralis, Kevin Spacey, Stanley Tucci and Penn Badgley all threw kernels of popcorn at Demi Moore’s ass of veiny bones, hoping that she’d use the butter to slip off her wedding ring and pawn it off to buy a 20-course meal at a diner that doesn’t serve anything that hasn’t been deep fried in lard and Ensure first.
UsWeekly says that when Demi showed up last night, everyone checked their tickets to make sure they were at the premiere party for Margin Call and not at a viewing party for the new season of The Walking Dead. One witness said, “Everyone was remarking how thin Demi was, more so than usual. he seemed in a decent mood though, even a little happy to be there.”
I was beginning to think that all of this was just an elaborate publicity stunt for Kabbalah and Demi and AssStain’s marriage would eventually become stronger than ever to show the world the power of the red string, or some shit like that. But then I see pictures like this of her looking like she hooked herself up to a lipo machine, set it to LeAnn Rimes and let it suck the tissue off of her bones as she cried out whatever nourishment was left in her body.
Somebody tell Demi: Don’t fill yourself with sadness, fill yourself with dick and sugar instead. Bitch needs to get herself an 18-year-old piece of hotness who isn’t allergic to hazelnuts. I say that, because it would be a total drag if his dick broke out into hives after she smeared Nutella on it. Actually, maybe it wouldn’t be. I mean, wouldn’t the dick hives make things a little more interesting if you know what I mean? It’d be like fucking a Lego dildo!