About this time last month, the BlackBerries of two publicists air kissed at each other and created a beautiful union between JLo and Bradley Cooper. Just as you started picturing Bradley Cooper wearing JLo’s cherpumple ass as a beard, their publicists said that their dinner date in NYC was strictly professional. I took that to mean that B. Coop was not impressed with JLo’s third-tier amateur beard resume and burned it on the flame of the dinner candle as he winked at the hot waiter to put another dollop of whipped cream on his chocolate tart. That was the end of the Coo-Lo. BUT WAIT! Just like menstrual cramps and your stomach, JLo and B. Coop are back together a month later. That sound you hear that sounds just like an opera-singing harlequin clown bawling into the night wind is Victor Garber screaming out a low-octave: NOOOOOOO!
People has a picture of B. Coop and JLo driving in a car together yesterday afternoon in L.A. and she’s covering her face with her hands as if she’s screaming, “OHMAHGAH I CAN’T BELIEVE THE PAPARAZZO THAT I TIPPED OFF IS ACTUALLY TAKING PICTURES OF ME OHMAHGAH WHERE’S MY PRIVACY DID MY ASS EAT IT AGAIN OHMAHGAH!” A source tells TMZ that B. Coop and JLo are just casually dating for right now and they’re not even close to being serious. Translation: they’re just in beard training mode.
Who keeps trying to make B. Coop and JLo happen? Who keeps trying to shove Coo-Lo down our throats as a for real couple? Yes, Coo-Lo is the greatest couple name to hit our eyes in a while, but they do not make sense at all. You know what does make sense? A pee hole in the middle of the mattress so I don’t have to roll my lazy bones out of bed in the middle of the night to walk all the way to the bathroom. Why hasn’t anybody invented this?!